Saturday

I woke up at 9ish so I could go get breakfast with cool people at the West Chester Diner. I didn't get to wake up Dave, but he was clothed and conscious when he answered the doorbell, so it wasn't that bad. Dave and I rode in Jeff's car instead of the Dorans and Jeff "heaeh'd" at people and told a few stories. At breakfast I got pancakes and a free balloon. Then I went to Dave's house where we finished Nuns on the Run with Eric Idle and Deathwatch with Jamie Bell. Nuns on the Run was pretty fun with some British farce and Deathwatch was horror movie mindfuckery. I got to sit really close to Dave, so it sorta wouldn't have mattered if I was watching the blank screen. We walked to the Build a Dream Playground with my balloon and moved around from shade to shade until the ice cream man showed up. Dave got a Blue Raspberry Pop Top which had actually been bought out by C&C Soda Company. I got a Blue Raspberry Icee Push Pop and Dave paid, which although I would like to enjoy the title of feminist liberal, did impress me (I did offer to pay my way and had money out, but still). Then we went to a table and finished our respective edibles. The balloon was tied to my purse and kept hitting me in the face, so I turned over and watched children crawling over the wooden structure (I was also minutely trying to enhance my sexy because I was wearing a backless halter). He eventually turned over too and we talked about things I don't remember. It started to rain at one point, so he called his dad to give us a ride home. Back at his house we watched the US Male Gymnastics Olympic Trials in Philly at the Wakovia Center and were outraged that Paul Hamm had such a ridiculous voice and easy win. Dinner was great, particularly because neither of us had eaten since ten and it was the first real dinner I'd had in a while. Vegetables! We walked to Hetty's and Meg offered us a ride when we were maybe 50 yards from the entrance to her development. I was sucking big time at bearwrestling and very disappointed I wasn't even a challenge during our rematch. Dave sat next to me while I ate watermelon and later in the basement too. We hugged it out, and wound up in the same lingering hug as Wednesday. No kiss this time though. Hopefully many more times for that.

:D
Edit: In one bearwrestling match I was distracted by ass compliments, but I can't see it, so what is the use to me?

Stars

Though my soul may set in darkness,
it will rise in perfect light;
I have loved the stars too fondly
to be fearful of the night.

More Txts I've Saved

I wish i was there. I love thunderstorms. This is the first time you've actually tanned? For real? You look really good you know :] don't hide behind that 45 and ruin a great thing!
-Dave

You should reconsider that motto then. I too prefer mime to lobster, but tan chloe trumps both like the ace of spades. I'm listening to farmhouse and that always reminds me of you for some reason.
-Dave

Madrid is magnificent. I saw lots of famous art and cool architecture. I will try to text you once in a while, it's 55 cents to send. I miss you mucho!
-Nicki

HE JUST SAID GRIST!!! WTF!?!
-Dave

That is NOT worth it. He was like "...and it was just grist for the mill." i was shocked and confused and delighted.
-Dave

Sounds super constructive. Does he still go to that school? I just realized how contradictory a private, christian school is to your current ideology. I overlooked private. That's so funny. Unrelatedly, my friend Scott just got here so now i have someone to hang with besides my brother!
-Dave

:] <3
-Dave

I was just guitar dueting with my uncle. We played wish you were here. Then i got sad. It was really cool though.
-Dave

i would but i am going to the beach as well as jeff- when i saw him Txting you i thought about how much i adore you and how sad i was i didn't get to see you the other night and figured i should tell you i love you so you don't forget about me =)
-Gina

YEAH! That's what i like to hear! :D you rock for real! Lol
-Dave

Nice. I'm dying of anticipation. wednesday should kick ass. And every day after that i think. As long as we're not 100 miles apart.
-Dave

Okay. Good night sleepyhead. I'll make your name a bitch for someone rich to clean up. Fais des beaux reves sans moi. See you soon <3
-Dave

Your name was just carved into a big new house's new cement driveway next to mine and the date. :D
-Dave

Haha I'm the same way. We can make real music for free together. It's cheaper and way more rewarding!
-Dave

LOL I love you. You truly are The truth or dare master.
-Abby

Excellent, excellent. I am looking forward to it. I miss you all like you have no idea. Enjoy DCI tonight!
-Nicki

Yeah i know. Please don't take advantage of my limited mental capacity and have your way with me. Actually go for it. Should be a fun weekend though for sure.
-Dave

It's all sounding great. I'm flattered that you'd like to do boring things with my future mentally handicapped self instead of something fun. Even if I won't remember any of the unspeakable things you could get away with doing to me.
-Dave

Wednesday

Tuesday night into Saturday I spent the night at Sarah's. We had a good time talking in her computer room until about 10:30 when we decided to go in the hot tub. Of course we had both forgotten the power outage a week ago so the hot tub was in reality a luke warm tub of 84 degrees. She hit the breaker and I turned up the heater from economy to standard, and we both went into the basement to watch Harold and Kumar: Escape from Guantanamo Bay. They're in Guantanamo Bay for a total of five minutes of the movie and then they get into more trouble, meet some nice ladies, and some nice pot with the president. Afterwards Sarah and I went into the hot tub which was a cozy 96 at that point. We talked some more, so at around 2 in the morning we came back inside. She went upstairs to change, so I looked at the alternative scenes menu that Pat had left up when he passed out. I think my favorite porn star was in the movie. Not because I've actually seen her work, but because her name's Chloe. Then we watched Sydney White and I didn't get any of the Snow White references until at least four minutes after the initial joke... Then we passed out around 5:30. Then I woke up at 10:10 because my phone alarm was set. Ugh.

------- ---------------------------- --------

I walked home from Sarah's wearing jeans and a black Abbey Road shirt. I did not anticipate morning humidity. Upon arriving home I took a three minute shower with just the cold water and got into my pink/white striped tank top and brown shorts. I felt like Neopolitan Ice Cream, delicious. I started walking down Kirk because I assumed Dave was doing the same, but he was at his mom's without a bike, so he drove with his mom in the passenger seat. Thank the FSM because it was really gross out still and sitting is very nice. We got home and sat in my kitchen drinking water and talking until my brother's friends showed up. My brother was not home, but they insisted on staying. It wasn't that bad because we're friends with Nick and I like Branden. They left to go to the gas station, so Dave and I went out to the hammock and chilled. Then they came back. Still not so bad, but then Branden left and Nick was sorta creepin' on the cock block. I kinda bitch shoo'ed him away, so I felt a little bad, but not too much. I don't remember how we got to be sitting on the same side of the hammock, but it was nice. At one point I got up to go to the bathroom, and I did not see it, but Dave fell out of the hammock and tried to cover. We talked for a while, and stayed silent for a while. Around three we went inside to start watching Stigmata and have lunch. Carrots and Cheese Sticks may be yummy munchies, but not date food. Nor is bread, unless I'm the guest. It was an absolutely horrible movie, but when I answer the phone Dave had the slick arm around the shoulder move and I pretty much didn't stop smiling. He rested his head on mine, and I rested my head on his shoulder. I sorta wasn't paying attention to the movie at that point. Around 4:30 his mom called and said she was in the driveway. We hadn't seen the end of the movie yet, so we sat together for maybe thirty more seconds, stood up, hugged. I had an arm over his shoulder and lingered like that for a little while when he put his hand on my waist and brought me into a kiss. I forgot what it was like and I was pretty much smiling the whole time. We hugged one more time and then he was off. I went into my room and played "Do You Believe in Magic?" as loud as my iPod speakers could go. Then "First Date" and "Always" by Blink-182 and I danced around my room and smiled and shook and danced again.

Albert Camus

I, too, felt ready to start life all over again. It was as if that great rush of anger had washed me clean, emptied me of hope, and, gazing up at the dark sky spangled with its signs and stars, for the first time, the first, I laid my heart open to the benign indifference of the universe. To feel it so like myself, indeed, so brotherly, made me realize that I’d been happy, and that I was happy still.

Wish You Were Here

Talking to a Very Old Friend

LINKKBL: yea i still picture as what u looked like from CCA
LINKKBL: didnt we play like tigers or lions or something on the bleachers when we were super young
Cricket Hoebag: Tigers, haha! I haven't thought about that in so long. We were fierce enemies too I think.
Cricket Hoebag: with Gab C and Monica Rose
LINKKBL: i kind of remember it
LINKKBL: haha wasnt there like a queen or something and king or something
Cricket Hoebag: mmhm
Cricket Hoebag: I don't remember it, but I think we girls had a warrior and a princess too
Cricket Hoebag: I don't even know what we did with it
LINKKBL: oh lol
LINKKBL: i remember i got shocked lmao
Cricket Hoebag: hahahaha
LINKKBL: in the gym at that outlet
Cricket Hoebag: I remember that too!
Cricket Hoebag: Yeah
LINKKBL: i remember that day so well
Cricket Hoebag: It was spitting sparks that hit darrell and charred the wall
Cricket Hoebag: was it a paper clip?
LINKKBL: ha yea me frank and darrel were playn mario and i was mario and i found a paperclip and tried to get frankie to put it in the keyhole which was the outlet but he didnt so i did
Cricket Hoebag: haha, I never knew the story behind it
Cricket Hoebag: I always just figured you wanted to know what would happen
Cricket Hoebag: remember that time you got stuck in a tree because we hoisted you up in a rope? and we had to get Mrs. Kilmer?
LINKKBL: haha lol we was playn mario i found a paperclips/key
LINKKBL: idk i dont remember that lol maybe i do lol
LINKKBL: was it near the gate near the parking lot or in the playground
Cricket Hoebag: In the corner where the open area, and the playground were fenced off together and next to the road
LINKKBL: were there was like 3 trees in a row
Cricket Hoebag: Haha, yeah, and we stuffed you with leaves once and you ran around being a turkey near Thanksgiving and then you were really itchy and pissed off
LINKKBL: haha sounds like me but my memory seems to suck
LINKKBL: remember when whitney did something to me and my head bled
Cricket Hoebag: Yeah, sorta, I think she got really scared, but I don't know what it was
Cricket Hoebag: Were you still in school when Laura G's brother kicked a dogdeball through one of the chapel windows?
LINKKBL: i dont think so
Cricket Hoebag: yeah, I thought that was after you left
LINKKBL: but i think whitney and me faught over a basketball and she through it at my head
LINKKBL: threw
Cricket Hoebag: wow, darn
LINKKBL: yea lol
Cricket Hoebag: The two or three things I remeber from fourth grade, is when we had the praying mantises that hatched in the classroom, and when Rakeysha got expelled
LINKKBL: yea i remember the praying mantis thing and then the expelled thing but not so much of the expelled thing as the mantis thing lol
Cricket Hoebag: I feel like we were catching them for days
LINKKBL: did the teach send like 2 peeps out to let them go?
Cricket Hoebag: I know I was one of them
LINKKBL: i think i was one of them but idk
Cricket Hoebag: haha
Cricket Hoebag: we probably were
Cricket Hoebag: that's great
LINKKBL: lol yea

Ocracoke, 2008

This was the first year we beat my aunt down to the house because she lives in Durham, NC and we live in the Philadelphia suburbs, PA. We took twenty minutes unpacking our stuff, and another forty unpacking her stuff because she was "busy" doing some inconsequential activity. We made it to the beach that first day just in time to witness a woman being strapped onto a backboard and airlifted to a mainland hospital. Jack and I went into the water, but then they changed the flags on us to "No Swimming," so we had to get out. Later that evening we went to the Community Center to enjoy the swinging Oldies sounds of the seventies. Not many other people showed up, and the guitarist kept making eyes at me, but he was old and not he kind I am liable to be strangely attracted to. My brother got the Monster "BFC" and I got my first slice of Chocolate Mousse cake since last year. I denied myself a fork because I couldn't understand the cute kids' southern accent. I made my brother get fudge and a fork for me. The second day there continued to be strong parallel currents and no backboard, so no swimming again. Eventually we were able to go swimming again and I lathered on the SPF 45 sunscreen in an effort to rather be a mime than a lobster. I tanned instead of burned for the first time in my entire life. Tan will have to be considered into be factored into that motto. Usually I wear boy shorts with my bikini top. However, on one occasion, I switched to regular bikini bottoms halfway through the day and wound up being in burnt in the difference in skin coverage. Very painful. The waves were breaking too close to shore to be excellent body surfing or boogie boarding and our dad wouldn't let us look for the sand bar usually about 50 yards out. I napped on the beach and my aunt Karen and dad were spitting watermelon seeds on me to try to tan a design onto my back. I was already beyond that point, so it's unnoticeable. The hippi store didn't have as many buttons. I still picked up four and a t-shirt, but I missed out on the $20 zombie playset. Sending post cards this year was wonderful. I actually got them sent out while I was still on the island. Got too many though and accidentally sent JoeKat's to Hetty's. She got hers though, so I told her to throw his out. Ocracoke island is wildly populated by feral cats. During the entire trip we saw 17 individual cats, including one that came to our back porch to eat ham that looked like he was wearing eyeliner. The last full night, Friday, was a full moon and my brother and I went for a boring ghost tour. I enjoyed the stuff about history, but the ghosts were boring so my brother left fifteen minutes before nine to go pick up two liters of Mt. Dew. He's an addict. While not swimming I read The Invisible Man by Welles, Congo, A Clockwork Orange, The Amityville Horror, and the first hundred pages of The Grapes of Wrath. The Saturday we left, my brother and I packed up and loaded the car in half an hour, then my dad made us pack up our obnoxious aunt's car. She reads the New Yorker and lives in North Carolina. I think it's a tremendous waste. The last thirty miles I had to pee, but I listened to Modest Mouse and watched the red pink sunset over Wilmington.

Txts I've Saved

'i like black boys better than white boys, they're much more fun. Oh, and i tried cocaine! I think i'm addicted!' oh dear god lol
-Jeff

I like boys lol dont you
-JoeKat

Yea i dont' either but the sexy pose caught my eye
-Matt

God this bus blows
-Wasiq

Yea. Your name lends itself to dirty limericks.
-Matt

Jesus christ Alice Cooper has a deep voice for a girl. Wow. Amazing.
-Matt

Wow. They have a sport in san fran where you get a hamster...
-Matt

I think that meant good luck, so thanks! I won by like half a sec :D you should see me in this tiny black speedo. You'd love it.
-Dave

Thanks! It was Breaststroke. And partial is an understatement lol. You should see it sometime. You probably will.
-Dave

'Watch the tramcar please' was recorded by a woman named Floss Segal in 1949. Thanks philly magazine!! =P
-Jeff

You are insane. Completely insane. And i love you for it!
-Sarah

Haha me neither. Anyway, definitely a solid several days. I'm really liking hanging out with you. Why haven't we in the past?
-Dave

Dude same here. Its gettin tough. And I think different circles is probably right. Gotta change that. I'm willing to hang with band kids to get to you :D
-Dave

Can you imagine trying to make that serious? "People of the greater Philadelphia are, a serious lapse in judgement has reached epidemic levels. People across the Delaware Valley are suffering painful bee stings after kicking these vicious six-legged abominations."
-Dave

Every rose has it's thorns.
-Dave

Sad and strange as in dark summer dawns, the earliest rise of half-awakened birds to dying ears, when unto undying eyes the casement grows a glimmering square; so sad, so strange, the days that are no more
-Jeff

Oh yeah! Very high. Well done. I was very impressed and aroused. The lack of pants was fantastic lol
-Dave

Good thing. I think it would've been worse if i had been noticed though. You should dress like that more often imo
-Dave

Yeah i had a blast too. You're making this summer fantastic for me. Have a safe ride down to NC. I'll hope to hear from you soon. Sleep well. Goodnight <3 ;)
-Dave

You could always stay at my house. Haha imagine that in the morning.
-Dave

Dance!
-Dave

I totally take it back. It's really pleasant out.
-Dave

Did you get in alright? If you're not there yet, let me know when your all clear. I just got home.
-Dave 4:27 AM

Awwwwwwww!!!!!
-Sarah

Awesome. I'll be sure to get extra burnt then haha. If I didn't have to get up so damn early i would come over to your house. We'd still have a few hours to catch up. I kind of missed the target window for a goodbye kiss too :(
-Dave

Me neither. That was a solid attempt though. We're actually near Tuckahoe, NJ. Yes it's pronounced like you'd think. Every sign has an F tagged over the t. It's hilarious.
-Dave

Haha boomerang finals would be so epic. I would go to that. let's find out where they are in 09 and roadtrip.
-Dave

I'll ocean trip with you any day. We should do that sometime :D too bad you aren't here now or we could totally jack a boat.
-Dave

Definitely is. The clouds are so cool down here. Maybe I'll take our jeep tonight and drive back to bethel to take you back for firsthand look.
-Dave

Yeah yeah whatever. You only won the first time because i wasn't paying attention and you know it. And i didn't get away only because i was letting you keep me back! If it wasn't for you're being smaller than me, attractive, and female corrupting my otherwise go-for-the-kill mindset you'd have been toast!
-Dave

Aha i knew it. Well it worked and it will continue to work i think. Not fair. I think i need to pull some distractionary measures myself. Speedo, perhaps?
-Dave

Yeah vag clamp would become the more generic pubic clamp and would be evern more deadly. I think i may employ that strategy after all. This is going to be off the chains.
-Dave

And that's awesome. Spinoff series: the Xibit-files.
-Dave

Brandywine

I woke up at 7:30 this morning. Felt wonderful, listened to First Date, made breakfast, got supplies assembled for the trip, and didn't watch Clockstoppers because I forgot we no longer have a VHS player. My dad didn't know that I thought he was giving me a ride, but Viv drove me anyway. It took forever to get situated because we manually blew up some of the inflatables. However, for my pool Shamu, we used the electric one. Quote of the trip: "I'll hold it and you blow." Shamu sucks as a comfortable, efficient transport and occasionally I had to utilize the stand and dive method for catching back up with him. Matt's ocean worthy raft and the cooler got stuck on a rock and Gina bravely, barefooted-ly got him un-moored even though she said to me, "Let go, bitch!" I almost cried, but did let go. Abby gossiped a little, we saw ducks, and fish and trees and bugs. It was warm and pleasant weather, and deflating Matt's raft took so much longer than necessary, even though I enjoyed it. On the way to Zoup! in Gina's car, we listened to the TV Pokemon Soundtrack.

Excellent.

Danny Sals Update

Tom Hunter said that Danny has mentioned me, and although he gets excited about it, it's nothing I don't already know. No further clarification was given.

Nights and Days of Summer

For one of the few times in my life, my day began with midnight.
That was the agreed upon time for I to sneak out of my house and meet up with Dave somewhere along Kirk road in the shadows cast by an almost full moon. (It was almost full because Dave's anarchist calendar said the full moon was Friday). He left a little before midnight so that he could get out of Concord Township, which does have a midnight curfew for minors, and into Bethel which doesn't. The air was pleasantly warm and I got a little bit sticky, but there weren't many bothersome bugs. Crossing into the Farmer's Market parking lot I could hear music that vaguely sounded like the Grateful Dead or upbeat Phish. I txt'd Dave this and he responded with, "Dance!" By the time I gt the response it was out of earshot. A car pulled out of its neighborhood just as I was passing the entrance. "What are you leaving at midnight for?" I thought. Then imaginary hit myself in the head. Kirk Rd. is absolutely unpleasant at night, but better than during the day even though you can't see what potential sticker bushes I may have been running into to when I hid. We met up somewhere before Hetty's neighborhood, and then walked back in the direction he had come from. I was wearing black, so according to him I morphed out of the trees. Both of us had been scared the other was going to jump out of a clump of bushes and frighten them. Neither of us knew anyone too well in the area who wouldn't mind seeing us after midnight, so we walked to Wawa. Keith wasn't working, which was the only bad part of the night. Dave got a Strawberry Milkshake f'real and not f'fake. We talked about varied topics, YouTube, AP Chem, the USPS, Apple crashing the internet, and how we both agree that the milkshake machine in Wawa reminds us of Star Wars.

Dave knew of two places where we could sit and enjoy the milkshake. One he said was often covered in beer cans and cigarette butts, so instead he suggested we go to the Darlington Arts Center even though we weren't going to a lesson or a recital, nor were we hosting a lesson or a recital. He drank the remains of his melty strawberry shake, and I showed him my doodle summary of our most recent last Friday together and my vacation. He walked over to the asphalt, and although it wasn't warm when I tested it either, we both laid out under the cloudy sky. We talked for what felt like forty minutes like this, were startled by a meowling cat, and groaned when the Central Air in the nearest building turned on. At some point, we fell silent, and I watched the clouds pass in front of the moon and stars. Occasionally I would inhale and exhale and attempt to move my hand closer to his. After several microscopic movements closer, I finally managed to bring my knuckle into the slightest contact imaginable with his skin. SUCCESS! I was chilly, so I had to try very hard not to shake and break the contact. Aftertwo minutes like this, he reached over and took my hand in his, and we held hands silently under the stars and watched the constellations move for another hour. I watched the moon rise, saw a pentapus in the sky, exclaimed, "Salud!" when Dave sneezed after the lights went out, and closed my eyes and sighed and tried not to shake with what I now wasn't sure was just the cold or also anticipation. I could have gone for the kiss, but afterwards, what would I do? I didn't want to get up until the sun did. At about ten minutes until four we realized that we had to stop procrastinating because Dave needed to get into his house before his dad did, and I didn't know if I could get back into my home.

We parted ways on Featherbed with a very warm, enveloping hug, and I sang all the way home. As far as I recall, this is my song list.

Do You Believe in Magic?
Chasing Cars
On My Way
Lizzy
A bar or two of Wasted and Ready
Hallelujah
Wish You Were Here
Four to eight bars of Help!
Hey Jude
Let It Be
Old Man

Getting into the house, it was unlocked so I don't believe I was found out. I listened and sang along to Chasing Cars as loud as I could dare and I felt more like a crazy, emotional, silly, wonderful, romantic, infatuated teenage girl than I could ever remember.

------- -------------------- --------

I woke up at nine and didn't get back to sleep for another half hour of so. Woke up again at two minutes before eleven when my alarm was supposed to go off. Got dressed, gathered books together for Nicki, ate an apple with a bottle of water, and listened to girly romantic music. Nicki picked me up for our Great Creeking Adventure and off we drove to her house. We had a slight problem finding the entrance, but we followed a deer run and then down the creek we went, attempting to find where it attaches to a larger river. There was great covnersation, some harrowing moments when I thought the earth had opened to suck Nicki's entire right leg into the mud, a few barricades to cross over, and some great pictures. We saw some large minnows, four tires, two No Trespassing signs, a loud German short hair hunting dog, a very large spider, a rather large black snake, two horses who were very interested in us, and neat blue green phosphorescent dragonflies. We got a little past a bridge on Temple Rd. before we decided our timeline could not accommodate further exploration at this time. We walked back to the bridge and then took Temple to Smithbridge to Nicki's house which according to her mom is about a two and a half mile walk. We talked the whole way back and saw a dead goldfinch, which was very sad because they are cheerful little birds I hardly ever see near my house and many Teamsters going by on their motorcycles. Nicki and her dad had the combined effort to create Boardwalk impersonating home made lemonade (my first of the season), and I enjoyed the wonders of sitting down and central air. Then, my dad picked me up at about four thirty.

------- -------------------- --------

I puttered about, went to the renovated Safeway, ate a steak with some corn, and listened to wonderful music while lying out on my hammock at sunset. The weather was perfect with the most beautiful breeze. I weeded my tiny garden for a few minutes and then went over to my neighbor Greg's yard to talk to him and play with his Shih-Tzu puppy, Baily. At seven my dad took me over to Abby's house where I told my story of how adorable my morning had been and they talked about gossipy things that had gone on in Myrtle Beach. Then we went to Jeff's house. We sat out in the yard, and I waited for Gina at her house and met her grandparents. We came back, heard the thunder and saw lightning approaching, ate a bowl of lime Jell-O, and then went on an Adventure to the new ACME to find something more ridiculous than canned Octopus. Microwaveable Spotted Dick: Sponge Pudding in a can was the winner. Matt got Ginger Beer which is so incredibly powerful I couldn't stand it and my entire mouth was on fire. Then I asked for another sip. We got back to Jeff's, Abby had bought bread, Dave showed up, we all went to the basement and loudly screamed about Mac vs. PC. Jeff's mom got angry at us for baking (?) and then the night dissolved into talking and whispering and snuggling under blankets to avoid the basement cold and bringing cookies to Dave because he had left early and singing with Viv the most terrible, lewd, wonderful song in the world about crystal meth and oral sex. I then showered, changed into sleepwear, checked Facebook, checked Nicki and Jeff's blogs, wrote a blog, wrote this blog, and will shortly unchange, get into bed, listen to wonderful girly music, and fall asleep awaiting the morning.

xoxo
<3

Slightly Dehydrated Musings

The sky is a very nice shade of blue.
Nice is a vague word.
And then again, I don't know it very well.
In fact, it's not like it invited me in for tea and a sit.
But even if it did, the tea could be poisoned and the blue only pretending to be nice because sometimes mean people pretend to be nice so you'll like them, but they're actually just fakes.
So on second thought, I don't know if the sky is a nice shade of blue.
But it is pleasing to me.

Silly, Happy Things

Fireworks, skinny dipping, old books, music, my room, stuffed animals with history, hopping naked into satin sheets after a shower, hammocks, orange juice, popsicles, green and blue M&Ms, record players, records, leaf piles, bonfires, honeysuckles, tire swings, good graffiti, soft grass, climbable trees, walking, thrift stores, the Brandywine, new textbooks, Christmas lights, cookies, go-karts, clementines, Nilla Wafers, swimming, floating, water balloons, water guns, clouds, oscillating fans, fancy bottles, stained glass, puddles, Pokemon games for GBC, boys, electric acoustics, random facts, girls, parents, innocence, ferris wheels, NPR segments by John Hodgeman, PC, solar powered bobble head dolls/business card holders, postcards, birthday cards, water colors, hand drawn doodles, inside jokes, sexy lingerie, diaries, art colored pencils, Crayola Crayons, candid pictures, sippy cups, classic Happy Meal toys, Wawa, flavored lip gloss, spray on hair color, glow sticks, naps, fireflies, things that glow in the dark, the stars you sticky tack to your ceiling, down filled things, discoveries, antiques, the romantic pirate life, scary zombie survival preparations, sunset, twilight, stars, the moon, dawn, sunrise, sun showers, tractors, waves, the ocean, mechanical pencils, fruit trees, shade trees, abersands, the allure of Australia and New Zealand, movie previews, funny commercials, posters, Bible stories, fairy tales, beautiful lyrics, beautiful prose, beautiful poetry, sitting after standing for a long time, triple chocolate mousse cake, life guard stands, fire trucks, anything eaten when hungry, whipped cream, hardware stores, paint color pallets, office supplies, things in rainbow order, escalators, candles, bread, The Princess Bride, the Labyrinth, Igor from Young Frankenstein, simple, unanswered, paradoxical questions about the world around us, chocolate chip cookies, Ticonderoga pencils, getting the $100,000 card in the game of LIFE, and getting txt messages.

Night Walks

My brother asked me at 11:15 last night if I wanted to go for a walk.
"Yes?" I replied, "when?"
"Tonight, at 12:15 with Markie." (She's his ex-girlfriend and current friend.)
"Ok, I'll be reading and txting until then."

12:14 rolls around so I tell my brother to get up. We were both dressed, but he needed to put on his shoes. I opened the door, and he spent forever trying to shut it. Quietly we shuffled past my dad's windows and ran across the street into the churchyard. We saw Markie as we came out and started walking down Naaman's Creek. There was talking, some laughing a bit too loud. I told stories and that the silhouettes were dog cut outs and not real deer. They said it was too far when we were around the corner. The series finale of Phil of the Future and some excellent Rock Band followed. I shared my gossip and played the drums. We started walking home, but out towards Marsh. Street lights flickered and went out. Cigarette butts that was actually pot were flung at us. Norcrest got us lost. I take some of that blame. We only saw one cop. Pat says there's a curfew. We got damp and tired and free.

There Are Words

"There were no stars, identical metal boxes in identical cozy coffins lit up the night with such garish ferocity they were blotted out."

"It Doesn't Matter"

"Some days aren't yours at all."

"Welcome this is a farmhouse."

"I'll never know if I go to sleep."

"You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you just might find, you get what you need."

"I wasn't making yummy noises."

Nothing. They are strange characters that light up my screen that inspire me and I don't like that and I don't know why.

Dog

I'm getting a dog. A beautiful Chow mix named Holly who doesn't have any personality "defects" other than she growls at neighbors and doesn't like her nails clipped. And yet, I don't really want her. I feel like it's irresponsible because I don't think we can care or pay for it. I'm scared because I'm scared, because I am supposed to be the child hopelessly begging for a dog, and my mom the responsible one who denies me. I'm worried about her because the pain meds have been making her less mentally accountable and it's so scary driving with her. She's a lot meaner and far less lucid.

I miss her sometimes and I was going to watch reruns of Law & Order with her and tell her I loved her, but then I was so annoyed I forgot. That makes me feel like a bad daughter.

These are truly the days of summer

This feels like the first week of summer I've ever had. I can't explain it. My head has been entirely fogged and thoughtless and ignorantly happy. My birthday party was fun and bearwrestling filled. Then Dave and I walked to Sarah's on Wednesday. We're crushin' on each other, which makes me somewhat regretful, because I never, ever want to hurt Nicki or become her Kacey. I've been wanting to hanging out with Nicki a lot recently which is awesome because I missed her a lot. That is what summer is for I guess. Then on the third of July there were twelve princesses visiting Tom the Hunter down Bethel. July the Fourth there was grilling and brownies and veggie burgers at Sarah's with Viv and all. Skinny dipping in the neighbor's. Scaring Brianna. Exciting. Saturday, the Fifth of July was the home premier of Romeo+Juliet at my mom's with Hetty, Nicki, Dave, Matt, Kacey, my brother, and I. Then we all went to see WANTED. Then I found out we were crushin'. I went walking today. We also hung out again today. I walked up Kirk and he rode down it and we just hung out in hammocks and talked for a few hours. I didn't have any food until my dad went to Safeway. I had my first percussion technique lesson. I sight read well, but without the metronome had all of my 8th notes as 16ths.

A Wonderful Evening

We watched Romeo + Juliet starring Leonardo DiCaprio and I sat next to Dave. Nicki's vegan brownies were amazing, even if they were falling apart for lack of eggs. Hetty's rice was very flavorful and delicious. The pizza was pizza and the Shirley Temples were feminine. The Roy Rogers were slightly less so, but I'm the only one who had one.

The movie is outrageously, horrifyingly bad with some great comedy scenes and lack of continuity when referring to the various wounds inflicted on various characters, specifically Leo. Several things aren't remotely convincing, including the acting of Juliet and even some of the Shakespearean text. Many scenes are absolutely incomprehensible, but that doesn't matter because the movie would be excellent to watch even if it was muted.

After the movie we walked my dog. Then returned her to the house and took a much longer walk to the edge of River Road Park where the girls went swinging and the boys talked about how painful the slides were and how viscous "Barney" looked. We talked about our skinny dipping the previous night as the only girls there had in fact been naked and made plans for a day trip to a nude beach in New Jersey.

We went back, the girls linked arms and skipped home taking up the entirety of the street. We watched my brother play GTA4 for a little while longer. Dave played, I replied to Ceci on Facebook and then we left for the 8:20 showing of WANTED at Regal. Dave and I played House of the Dead II and commented on the improbability and hilarious-ity of the zombies and dialog. It was perfect timing because when we went to the theatre, we got there just as a commercial for Vitamin Water came on and Dave recognized Carrie Underwood after a one second glimpse.

Preview Time! Sadly the preview for Batman: The Dark Knight was silent, so Dave made up his own preview for it. "Oh no! They're jumping off the building!" "Did you hear that guy jumped off a building?" "I jumped off a building once." "ORLY?" "I'M JUMPING OFF A BUILDING!!!!" "Morgan Freeman." "BOOM!!" "rat-a-tat." After watching all the previews, if I wasn't going to be broke, I'd have a movie to go see every weekend until the end of the summer. Hancock, The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor, Batman: The Dark Knight, The X-Files Movie: I Want to Believe, and there's definitely something the first week of August. The lights are dimming! Time for the movie!

It opens with someone who looks vaguely like Alec Baldwin being shot at, jumping across one building to another, killing some men with guns, then being gunned down in the most impossible shot. Then it switches to our protagonist, Wesley Gibson, being boring, explaining his best friend is fucking his girlfriend, his boss is a fat bitch, he suffers from panic attacks, and that he's broke. He meets hottie Angelina Jolie in a pharmacy and is shot at by the unknown assassin who killed his father. Enthralling car chase with ridiculous barricade flip ensues and they escape and Wesley wakes up in an empty warehouse with Morgan Freeman and other frightening characters. He shoots the wings off some flies, freak out, leaves, and goes back to his boring job. He thinks it was all a dream until there's a gun on his belt and $3 million in his bank account. He tells off his fat boss and slams his ex-BFF with an ergonomic keyboard with a lovely "FUCK YO[tooth]" flying in slow-mo across the screen. He goes back to the assassins and gets trained in a castle in the middle of a metropolis city to become the the best assassin ever with the power to take out the arch-enemy of the Fraternity and the man who killed his father, Cross. Pretty BA, until everyone learns that what decides who they kill is some thread that got in an accident that turns into binary and gives names. Wow. Anti-climactic.

He gets one practice kills, learns some secrets about the foxy Fox, and then is led into an accidental cross town chase of his rival where accidentally shoots the Russian with vodka who likes rats. Very sad. He whispers as he dies, "Imagine, 1000 of them..." and fades out of life. Wesley gets shot with a traceable bullet and goes to Bavaria to face the man who killed his father, alone. Turns out Wesley's name was chosen by the thread to die. Fox has to kill him. Darn. They wind up on a train, action ensues, things get worse, he shoots his enemy who tried to save him. Winds up he just shot his father who went Rogue after discovering some secrets about the Fraternity, that the code had been broken. [Dave called it, wound up being 4 for 4 in the movie with guessing.] Fox comes to kill him and tells him it's all true, he shoots out a window and plunges at least sixty feet into water where he escapes and gets back to America. Turns out he's a hottie with a body now and the old guy who made the traceable bullet explains everything. Wesley has an epiphany after discovering his dad had 1000 rat bombs set up. He catches them, drives them to the factory, releases them, blows stuff up, and yet nobody dies and the factory is still in perfect working order? Oh well... He breaks through a window and proceeds to have the most adrenaline filled scene of shoot-outs, grabbing new guns, and all around being a badass. He kills the repairman and the guy with knives, then is led into the library where he is surrounded by assassins. Sloan comes out, Wesley reveals that Sloan's name was held in fate to be killed and has been making up kills for awhile now. Sloan says that all of the assassin's names have been drawn and that if they follow the code they should all commit suicide, and if they don't want to, they should shoot "that motherfucker." [YOU TELL 'EM MORGAN!!] The Gunsmith says "Fuck the Code," Fox goes incredibly BA and with one bullet that circles the room, kills all of the assassins and herself. [That was better than the bullet that supposedly killed Kennedy!] Wesley goes after Morgan Freeman. He escapes, Wesley is poor again and dirty. He goes back to his old job, typing away, not having a life, Sloan comes up behind him, HOLY CRAP! IT'S A DECOY! and from several miles away with an incredible shot Wesley snipes Sloan and Morgan Freeman's face is hilarious. The movie ends well and we all clapped.

The black guy's name was Common. Dave called that it was the black guy. It was a pretty good soundtrack too. It was a great night with some exhilarating txting later in the night. I'm crushin' on Dave and he's crushin' on me. We're playing it as it comes because I just like hanging out and talking so that's ok by me.

:D

Also, my brother had his skateboard resting on the back of some kids chair. The kid said, "I really love that your board is on the back of my head." "You should see the bottom of it, you'd love it even more!" Says Dave. "Aw," exclaim some girls. It was laughed off and everyone enjoyed the movie.

An Adventurous Band of Princesses

Thursday, there was a girl's only party at Abby's house. Finally, our beloved Vivy attended a party and we talked and gossiped about boys and why drinking Juicy Juice out of a shot glass was better because sometimes I get overwhelmed by the flavor of JJ. She decided that she was crawling out of her skin and that we should go for a walk. I assumed it would be a short walk around the neighborhood, but that's not what she had in mind. I grabbed my bubbles and we headed out. We had not gone a block from Abby's house when we decided that Tom Hunter's was an excellent destination despite having to walk on Bethel. Kacey said she knew the way, so she was in front. Turns out she didn't know the way, but when someone suggested we cross the street, I ran right across and was accidentally right. Hooray! Viv and I, and perhaps others, were barefoot and Tom Hunter's yard was full of irritating grass, so we walked around their driveway and met a cat. We took it as evidence that Tom was home. He was. His sister came to the door first and said literally, "Tom! There are 12 girls at the door for you!" It was true, and rather silly. We talked for a short while, then his mom came over and she was very entertaining. Barathi had to leave, and she got a call that her dad was already at the Molen household. OH NO! So she, Meg, and Automm, ran ahead. We walked back, almost got hit by a car at Viv's insistence, and had a beautiful night in the beautiful evening.

Adelaide?

Abby's post about the freshmen almost made me cry.
I couldn't breathe very well because my throat started hurting,
but it is all true.

I miss it,
but I knew it would change.
We all did.

If we get good freshmen,
several of them,
in the pit and the battery,
maybe, just maybe,
we can spark some magic.

My Sweet Sixteen

The first guest was JoeKat dropping off the money from the concert I bailed on. That was at about 4:45. The party started at four. Other than that, it was fantastic.

Abby J. showed up, I felt awkward for having no one to show for my party. Katie R. showed up. I thought she wasn't coming. That was wonderful.

Once people showed up we still just talked. Trisha asked me what the colorful things near the hose were. They happened to be watercannons. I demonstrated for her how to use one, and Joe and Dave happened to see that demonstration. They came went away, came back with two each, and got Wasiq. Wasiq threw half a Snapple at Joe. Several girls removed their electronic valuables and ran to grab a weapon. We all ran around soaking wet, attempting to soak everyone else just a little more thoroughly. Andrew's water gun didn't work. Then when we all went back to sit down and dry off. I then realized it was a beautiful day. It only rained for a few minutes, and not too badly. So much for thunderstorms. After somewhat drying off I suggested a game of badminton. Wasiq, Trisha, Hetty, and I were failing pretty miserably with the exception of Wasiq and Hetty. Then, someone suggested pizza and the game fell apart. Later the game really did fall apart as the string holding up the net snapped. My dad fixed it, but we didn't play anymore. Hooray for pizza. Then three cheers for a cake with my face on it. We all scream for ice cream. We couldn't light the candles, and when I did go to blow them out, the wind helped me a little. I got all of them.

We all sat some more. The fire was lit. We were a little too full of cake and pizza and ice cream to bearwrestle. Sometime later that feeling had subsided and we bearwrestled. For an hour and a half. I got stuck with Dave for at least ten turns, probably many more. Jeff called us three or four times in a row. We were exhausted. Then we got a break. Then we didn't. Lexi was the caller a short while later, Dave wasn't paying attention, and I finally got away through luck. There will be a rematch, and I fear he will win. Nothing much happened after I got away, and shortly afterwards the game ended. We sat near the fire some more. After it got sufficiently dark, we played Man Hunt. Abby and I were captains. Team 1 was Abby, Sarah, Kacey, Dan, Joe, and Nicki. My team was Steph, Shannon, Dave, Andrew, Hetty, and me. Jeff and Gina had gone to Viv's. We hid first. Some got caught because we gave up hiding. I had a fantastic spot. It was beautiful and I'd never hid there before because this was the first year that the bushes had been large enough to be irritating. Then ants started biting my leg. Then my leg fell asleep and I didn't care that the ants were biting it. Then I was bored and itchy, so I attempted to run away. I know I should've gone for the tree in the front yard, but I was scared of Dan and Joe.

I was exhausted. I told Matt and Barathi I'd save them cake. I fell asleep around 1:30. The fireflies did come out that night. I watched them while I hid.

There was no news from UrbanDictionary. There still is not as of this posting.

Danny and Me

My very own creeper. Sure he hits on the rest of the living female population, but I'm slightly more special. It all started at band camp his freshman year, my sophomore.

I didn't notice the creepin' very much, in fact, he wasn't that bad. He sat with me on the bus once or twice, but I listened to my iPod and he did help with moving instruments. Still, a little too much hugging even by my standards. At the Unionville football game, a rag-tag bunch of us including Tom Hunter and Saxy Matt went to the snack stands. It was a rather long line and as it was a very chilly night we penguin huddled and talked to a friend we had made, Christina Clarinet of Unionville. I asked her if she knew Savy. She did! Hooray! I could finally be reunited with my friend from the beach! At this point we had broken up the huddle because the line was moving, and yet Danny persisted in keeping an arm over my shoulder. Hurriedly I dashed from the line to attempt to meet my lost friend leaving him and his arm alone. I spent the next twenty minutes looking for her, and Danny spent the next twenty-five looking for me. It was a good game, although I think that was the time we lost to Unionville. I later found out from Danny, that someone at Unionville thought I was his girlfriend. "Woah, that totally couldn't be right," he said. "That's weird if you think about it, you and me?"

Then we learned he was making out with our dear Lauren P. Ok, so maybe she has a thing for the youngins. It's not like we don't know anyone else like that and the world rejoiced because Danny was no longer hitting on other girls.

Then she broke up with him. Possibly had something to do with him being a creeper.

Every B-Day band as the trumpets sit in front of the pit, "Hey, Chloe, my girlfriend broke up with me and I'm pretty down." Yes, tragic I thought, you're allowed to hit on me again.

Then, I didn't see him as much and I didn't particularly care why. The times they are a'changin' and suddenly it was time for the Memorial Day parade that passes in front of my house. I wasn't even thinking about him being a problem. I'm in the honor guard, he's a trumpet, safe. WRONG! While waiting in the shade at the nearby auction, he comes over to where Matt, Abby, Sarah, and I are. We successfully ignored him, but he was there none the less. Ugh. Alright, we started marching and all was right with the world. We marched, listened to a speech, and then went to get our church provided lunches. Rebecca and I had to return to the band bus so we could deposit the banner and were some of the last people in line. Lucky for him, so was Danny. I legitimately hadn't conversed or acknowledged him in the last few weeks, so a hug wasn't too much to ask. We were standing next to each other waiting in line, making small talk. His hand far too often rubbing against mine. I turned behind to talk to Rebecca about nothing in particular, and then read a bulletin so he couldn't touch me. I think he complimented me on my astounding abilities to deduce that the mens room was nearby because I saw a sign. He complained about the availability of simply turkey sammiches, and as we walked out, he learned where my house was. I was having a party, and someone was about to come and talk to me about it, but I roughly told them later and dashed across the street to sanctuary.

He was leaving for Hawaii with the rest of band! Sadly, my many of my friends would be gone, but Molly, no good Shana, Jeff, Gina, and Kacey would be here. It was a fine and dandy birthday week. I got a txt from Matt at approximately 12:00 here. That would make it six A.M. Hawaii time. "Danny's already creepin'." He had been hitting on Maggie and probably everyone else ever that early. He asked about me three times.

Notes I Wrote

This is my journal entry describing my feelings about band. It is dated Saturday, October 28th, 2006.


"The band, which has led to "Pit Parties""
I joined the school band at the end of eigth grade, although I didn't play a specific instrument in the band, I knew the notes on a piano, so I started playing xlyphone, which will now be referred to as mallets, or "The Spawn of Satan." Music in the band was simple for percussion, and was a good challenge for a beginner. Learning my music in time for the spring concert, I preformed with the rest of the band. During this time, I was also in chorus, although I didn't like it much, because although many of my friends were in it, those who weren't my friends I am not fond of at all. Taking up too much time now, and not wanting to devote credits to it in the high-school, I dropped chorus and devoted myself to band.

An excellent decision on my part, I first met the high-school bandees at the first day of marching band camp, July 12th. I already knew Kacee, even though I didn't know she was in the pit, so she became my senior awesomeness cool of a homie and introduced me to most of the bandees. Taking sometime to get used to everyone, I continued looking at my music until our first full week of band camp, at the end of august. Spending some time getting to know each other, supplied with cake or other goodies, the Pit became a loving place, where Democrats reigned freely (With the exception of zac)(Zack?). Our drum majors, though crazy seemed fine, but it didn't matter because we never marched. Because a band who is friends outside of the band performs better, the yearly tradition of "Pit Parties". Where discussion poltics, sexual liberation, band politics, people, and bottle cap wars became both enjoyable and slightly unsettling. Section leaders Jeff and Nikki lead the way with excellent performances and benevolent dictatorships.

Our awesomeness is spreading to other bandees, included beloved drum major, schlicter, who, to our enjoyment, was the recipiant of an obscene phone call. Much funny. For those who were there. Ewww... schlitcter... The (beloved) members of the Pit Included: Jeff, Nikki, Kacee, Trisha, Sarah, Zac (Zack?), Alana, Molly, Rebecca, Ally, and Meg. New members include Emily and Automm. My unbeloved member is Dave Shwarts.

To the ULTIMATE PIT!! Honorary members. Viv, once the "Official Honorary Member" is now momma Viv of the "Officially Official Pit" and beloved by all who know of her. Cora Cora, my much loved semi-not-even-a-bandee, but who cares? Also, Steph, of the cymbols, Loved by all, and the best cymbolist this band has ever seen. SUPER HONORARY member of the PIT is Abby J. who spends more time with the pit than Dave (and probably Trisha).

Homecoming is tomorrow and the band, included the Pit disguised as honor guard, will march valiently from somewhere, to somewhere else, I don't really know.

Post Script: I spelled just about everyone's name and "cymbals" wrong in this, but the message is relatively clear.

Notes I Wrote

This is a journal entry about how we abdicated our grade. It is dated Monday, October 30th, 2006.

"Homecoming parade"
The Homecoming parade was moved 'til Monday and I'll tell you about that but first I have to talk about Sarah's party.
On Saturday night after homecoming dance when we crowned Steve homecoming king. It's so awesome, we must be one of the only schools to have a gay homecoming king. I wasn't at the dance but I heard there was some drama between my friend Abby and her "boyfriend" Will, but they were never really going out so that's why it's in quotation marks.
Sarah's birthday was on Saturday and Matt M. came over for about an hour until he had to leave at Midnight, later, at about 12:40 we went in the hottub, quite warm, then we played truth or dare, but that didn't last long and we just began asking questions. We were going to play Ouija but we didn't really need to know anything because the dance basically left nothing unanswered. We basically were like ahhh!! Guys suck, so at the end of the dance we all wound up single.
So, the homecoming floats, the Freshmen: Urban, Sophomores: Arctic, Juniors: Under the Sea, Seniors: Jungle. I thought the seniors had the best float but the sophomores were really good too, they won best float, they did have "snow" though. Our freshmen float was so horrible that many of the bandee freshmen denounced our grade and formed, "Those who will graduate in 2010, but are a separate and superior grade of its own right."

Notes I Wrote

This is a journal entry concerning another pit party. It is dated Monday, November 16th, 2006.

"Another Pit Party"
There was another pit party on Saturday, it was kind of boring because Kacey love, steph, and eric weren't there. Then it got me kind of sad because Jeff was saying how he had a close call in his car once and he thought erin (sp?) was going to be hit and killed and was never more scared of anything in his life. We were all thinking, "That's so sad!" because he said it really seriously and then he went, "Wow, that was really depressing

Post Script: I can't believe I spelled Erik's name wrong, and not Erin's. Also, I didn't actually end the last sentence, so:

"Wow, that was really depressing." There, proper punctuation.

Notes I Wrote

This is another short entry about Hi-Q. It is dated Wednesday, November 15th, 2006.

"Hi-Q"
Yay, our Hi-Q team won our practice match. It was from last year's questions and the first half team won, the second half team tied, but we totally won. Our host team was really good. I love my sweater...

Notes I Wrote

This is me writing about Hi-Q Math. It is dated Friday, December 8th, 2006.

"Math Hi-Q Question!"
I finally got a math question first in Hi-Q. WOOO!!! Then, I almost got two more in a row!! At least I got them right at the end.

Notes I Wrote

This is a journal entry about Hi-Q, Christmas caroling to the mall, and general thoughts. It is dated Saturday, December 16th, 2006.

"Bernoulli's Principal"
In Hi-Q I remembered the most awesome thing ever from 7th grade. We had to build water rockets and learn about Newton's and some other peeps laws. So we divided up the vocab amongst our group and I got Bernoulli's Principal. That was a question in Hi-Q the other day and I got and felt really special. There's a pit party tonight!! WOO!! I have a field trip on Monday to the mall and small peeps' schools with band and we're bringing the scary woo-WOO-woo-WOO-woo vibraphone and Matt wants to bring a fog machine, that would be cool for indoor but not Christmas carolling to small children. It hurts your ears when you play high notes consecutively. I learned tap-city yesterday, it's worse than Summertime. At least summertime has pattern and a clear rhythem (sp?). I hope Viv doesn't have any trouble learning it. I love Viv more than Abby and Sarah and Viv's shoes prove it.

Post Note: I can't believe I didn't know how to spell rhythm, and "I love Viv more than Abby and Sarah" means I love Viv with more love than they love Viv. Not that my love for Viv is greater than my love for them.

Notes I Wrote

This is a short, silly journal entry about a pit party at Jeff's. It is dated Monday, December 16th, 2006.

"Great Pit Food"
The pit party was awesome and Jeff had cookies, swedish fish, sour patch, root beer, chocolate milk, and a piano. Yeah, it was pretty kickin'

Notes I Wrote

This was a journal entry about the '06 to '07 New Years Eve Pit Party. It is dated Monday, January 1st, 2007.

"NEW YEAR'S EVE PIT PARTY!!"
Ok, so last night was New Year's Eve, so I went to Viv's house with the rest of the Indoor (Abby, Trisha, Sarah, Viv, Jeff, Nicki, Hetty, Alana, Eric, Joe, Drew, Dana)Oh, and Pat, I don't really know Pat but he's quiet and looks shy so I guess he's Ok. We talked up until about 11:57 then we turned on the TV to watch the ball drop, we watched for 4 minutes and then turned it back off. Trisha was awkwarded out by all talks of sex, or even random things like,
"Jeff, you haven't shaved in weeks!"
"I know."

Abby and Jeff threw bottle caps and bottle, at each other and Jeff and Viv got some pretty good pictures of Abby and I looking drunk, fighting over the Sparkling Cider Bottle. So I think Jeff fell asleep first, Alana was up last knitting a glove. I don't know how that's possible, knitting a glove, it must take a little bit of magic. Then we woke up to a racialist breakfast courtesty of Jeff and pineapples in the yogurt dip... Viv's pancakes are heavenly and might just fly away they are so light and fluffy. I slept in my down bathrobe. It was a fun night.

Notes I Wrote

This a journal entry I wrote about the ATP Challenge kids taking a tour of the high school. It is dated Wednesday, January 31st, 2007.

"Newest Freshies"
I knew of only one 8th grader in ATP who I loved, yet her fate was doomed to be stuck in the horrible twisted ATP Challenge Program. Touring with the older students, many tried to convince the wayward children to turn from their wretched path. Few have succeeded in changing their minds, but I feared for my wee one. Jeff, Wasiq, Amora, Kristin W, and Susan M tried to change their minds, but to no avail, seldom are the children saved. Although I had not seen her in over a year, I chanced to see my precious newblet in the hallway. Trying to influence her bried encounter as much as possible, I passed onto her the only wisdom I could in our short meeting, don't take it. Already changed beyond my short warning could convey, she had turned away from the jagged edges and towards the path of enlightenment. She had been reached by the single person knowingly eliminating the class from the inside. Leader of the pit, Hi-Q team, and Salutorian of the graduating class had saved my soon to be freshie from impending doom.


Post Note: She did eventually take the class. They all did.

Notes I Wrote

This is a journal entry I wrote about the hot tub party. It is dated Saturday, February 10th, 2007.

"HOT TUB PARTY IN FEBRUARY"
It was really cold, and at first thought we believed we would have to fit up to 16 people in a hot-tub designed for 6. Only twelve came, but two couldn't go in so we just fit in 10. I color-arranged the M&M's so we ate them in the hot-tub quite carefully avoiding a technicolor explosion. We decided to visit Erik so we all trunked over to his house in an awkward fashion. Abby was directly lined up with the window so if we stopped suddenly she would fly out the window. I believed I had a worse position because should we stop suddenly, I would get a face full of saxy crotch. Luckily for all three of us, Erik doesn't live far away and Jeff can drive pretty well. After we got there, I realized my shoes were lost into the void that is a dark car, so Viv carried and held me at the door to keep my toes from freezing, much credit to Meg and Automm.

My Room

There's something magical about my room. Most people get that I suppose about their own hiding spots. Walking around, I look at everything, and realize that everything doesn't mean very much to me without the stories behind it.

On the back of my door is a Beatles Palladium Poster. Underneath it is an attempted acrylic paint mural of Wish You Were Here. Every time the door opens it squishes my wonderful maroon bath robe, black cape (a combined gift from my aunts Karen and Jeanne), and the '07 drumline uniform. The nightstand holds a tiny, slinky filled stuffed rabbit I got at the now empty Zany Brainy, a solar powered bobble head I got from Noop Dawg for my birthday, and a tiny Spongebob stuffed square that fell off of Lala's sock. My favorite, literal, albums are also there. Wish You Were Here, Animals, Rubber Soul, and three I got for Christmas, The DOORS Greatest Hits, Greetings from Asbury Park, and Born in the U.S.A. In the first drawer nightstand is my music binder from 6th and 7th grades. A YAMAHA soprano recorder. Some old hair clips. The second drawer contains what used to be my jar of "beautiful things." Things nobody really wanted. Discarded earrings without mates, foreign coins, and loose, cheap, fake gold pendents. My Junior Park Ranger Badge and Pin are in there too. My broken Nortel phone, Eguardo, is in there. He was free from the teacher's lounge. The entirety of tourist stuff Hetty gave me is in there too. My yellow, "brown heroine" looking dirt/sand is in a mint tin. All of the Prado advertisements are in there too. I once tried reading their Summer collection in Spanish. I got pretty far. That last drawer also holds my Valentine's day present from Joe. Above the nightstand is a metal shelf, with the book I have permanently "borrowed" from my aunt Andrea. "The God Delusion" by Richard Dawkin, that I "temporarily" traded Scott for my copy of "god is not Great." A recycled-paper diary that looks really cool that my mom's friend Eileen got me from Disney World. My lightsaber and practice mallets are up there too. Plus, my all time favorite jar of dirt. The summer cover on my bed has been there forever, and the winter cover, which I received as a gift from my aunt Jeanne and cost an extravagant $92 and I couldn't believe I owned something that expensive that wasn't a Gameboy Advanced, is in storage. The heavy blanket I've had so long I used to sleep under it back at my kindercare, Mr. Jim's, is under that. The sheets are a light blue satin that I got for Christmas. Under my mattress, I occasionally store quarters or a wish I've written down on paper. I don't think there's anything there now. Under my bed, there are two boxes. There also lies my two pairs of chucks. One clear, plastic box used to contain those little frogs you get at stands in the middle of the mall or on vacation. The other is my memory box. In it are my baby booties, and a broken Mardi Gras beaded necklace that my brother won from a baseball game and gave to me. I don't remember breaking it.

On top of my large armoire is a picture frame I meant to give to Katie in sixth grade. Because of a misunderstanding, she thought I was just showing it off, and I didn't have the heart to tell her I had bought the cheap crap on sale at Old Navy for her. Also, an egg with a tiger painted on it housed in a glass box that's been in my house for as long as I can remember. My dad was going to throw it away, but I kept it. The parasol I got at the Renaissance Faire with Katie and Ally W. is also up there. Inside is my old scarf collection. I've lost most of them, and I don't know where to. Beneath that is my "Pokemon Drawer" with action figures, drawings, and overall information I've hoarded over the years. Then comes the "Christmas" drawer. I'm going to send out the cards someday. Then comes folders and old school supplies. Various art supplies, whatever I've thrown in there. Below that is my figurine collection. Some Siamese cats, a porcelain lady, and a turtle that I sculpted and have no idea when. Next to this armoire is new table with drawers. There's not much in it yet, but on it is the old, rusty saxaphone I found on my rainy day adventure. On top of its case in my crappy little keyboard.

On my cork board, there is a collection of old photos. One of my mom as a 17 year old. Her and my pop-pop. Me in 4th grade. Darrell took that picture at recess and I was avoiding him all day and it was cold and windy so I'm scrunching my face, but I was wearing my favorite dress. Movie tickets from the last 10 or so movies I've seen. The ticket stub from the Phantom of the Opera on Broadway. The stub from riding the Ferris Wheel in Toys 'R' Us. My Dresden Dolls concert ticket. A paper doll that my aunt Jeanne made for me when I was four. I got the blue ballerina's dress, and my cousin Laura got the pink one, and I was jealous. I'm glad now. Some old comics I find applicable to my life, my birthday horoscope from the last two years. I'll be putting this year's up there when I get a chance. The tag from one of my Pokemon shirts is up there too. Above it is a framed section of Newspaper, right after 9/11, where my poem made it into a compilation of sympathy.

My desk. I don't know when I got it, but I think my dad picked it up out of some trash. It's fantastic. I was so amazed, because it had both and adjustable lamp and heights. On that is my rock collection, my thimble collection, a porcelain cat that I chipped, some recycled paper we made in Mrs. Nic's class in 6th grade. The gold bracelets my aunt Jeanne gave me are in a little box. My other jewelry box contains a wheat penny, a Centennial Quarter, a Susan B. Anthony, and a broken earring I won from Katy in a bet when she still lived in VB. Under it is my Hi-Q stuff, several sketch books and assembled venting journals. A pink, circular hat box that I never received a hat in contains my old iPod accessories. There's also a plastic, white series of drawers. In the first one, there's my music. The second one is silly things, like my Pokemon and Yugioh cards, a rainbow bouncy ball I got from the dentist, and some more action figures. I gave away all of my Pokemon cards to Camille in 5th grade. Possibly the dumbest thing I've ever done. The lowest drawer holds everything Darrell ever gave me. The note we had to write in Penmanship thanking a friend. I hope I thanked him. If not him, Kirsten.

On my bookshelf, I have my few CDs. My favorite is my "totally not pirated, that's not a sharpie cover" Dark Side of the Moon from Matt. There are two music globes with turtles in them next to it, followed by my favorite literature. The War of the Worlds, The Communist Manifesto, My Survival Guides, The End of Faith, my Roget's Thesaurus, America: A Citizens Guide to Democracy, two copies of 1984, Brave New World, Catch-22, and Animal Farm. Above that is my CD Player/Radio that changes colors. Next to it is my collection of Teenie Beanie Baby Bears that surround a music globe with bears in it that Mike Farah gave me for my 9th or 10th birthday. The top holds a Valentine's bear I got from my favorite teacher at Mr. Jim's, Ms. Valerie. I think it has a note attached to it, but I'm not sure what it says. There's a pom-pom I found at a football game my freshman year at Sun Valley. I remember because they had a really good snack bar. Hanging off the top are my many, many Mardi Gras beads I "earned" at Sarah's b-day party. At the bottom of all this is my "summer themed shelf." There's a conch shell with some gum on it. I didn't put it there, in fact, I can't remember it not being there, and we've had it since before my parents were divorced. There's a monkey I got in a Happy Meal. A family picture of my mom, brother, and I. One of those plastic weight holders that's filled with glitter and shells I stole from my brother. It was given to him by my Nana after her and Pop-pop went on a cruise together. I got a hemispherical paper weight with a dolphin and glitter in it. I took it to school once, and a boy broke it. It's actually oil in it, so it got everywhere. The teachers thought I broke the boy's toy, and I temporarily hated them for it. I took my brother's. He's never noticed, nor does he remember. There's a small bottle of water from "The Fountain of Youth" that the friend who got me the journal picked up for my mom who then gave it to me.

On my dresser is a deck of UNO cards, a Penn State stuffed basketball I wanted to give to Mr. Knight, two back massagers I got on the same Christmas from different relatives, an Edgar Allen Poe action figure I got from Katie, a framed picture of me and my mom at a Super Bowl or New Years party, a picture of my brother and I being little, a box of aromatic bath soaps I've never used, some lavender hand wash, a picture of Darrell and I at Chuck E. Cheese, even though we were supposed to go to the Crayola Factory, but his mom had promised Kimmy we would go there. That was fine with me I think. The picture of my mom and I used to have a picture of me and a lot of other girls I didn't know who were older than me at a party sitting in line on an exercise machine. I look like a crazy person with a full toothed smile. My fake year books from 7th and 8th grade are there too. The Bug Vacuum my uncle Mike got me as a gag gift for Christmas once is there too.

Above my headboard is The Who poster, with everyone looking a tad bit sultry, confused, or child molest-y. On the wall bordering my bed that is not above the headboard, is my Led Zeppelin, "Plane" poster, where everyone's pants are a tad too tight. Above me is my favorite poster, Abbey Road. Next to my keyboard is some Pink Floyd Pop art with painted women. My mom was gather proof of me being a lesbian with that poster. If only. Above my desk is a World Map. I've got three more posters on their way up from Myrtle Beach, S.C.. A black and white Princess Bride, a colorful sketch of Jim Morrison, and another black and white of Bob Dylan. I still need the Stones, Jimi Hendrix, and maybe Bruce Springsteen. Above my book shelf is a colored drawing I did in K-4 with a patriotic raccoon and rabbit. One is playing a drum, but I'm not sure which. It has a sticker on it from a TV series I watched when it was on PBS. I don't remember it's name, but it was basically a cartoon Aesop's Fables with a buffalo and other (woodland?) creatures.

My stuffed animals are scattered all about my room. My two most important, that I've had since before I had reached my first birthday, are Bobbers and Mr. Bear, also known as Bear Bear. Bobbers was a 1993 Crayola/Hallmark Easter Holiday bunny that my nana got me. I managed to find a replication on eBay and I bought it for 17.50 by Money Order. That one, which I renamed Bobeese because I gave the original to Gabrielle C. the summer before third grade on the condition we both bring them to school on the first day. She changed schools that year and I only saw her one more time. I saw her mom once, and I recognized her. I think she gave me her number, but I lost it. The bear I got from Joe for Valentine's day is there. His name is David. I've also got a large stuffed dog I received from the Wallace Twins for my 11th birthday. A stuffed kitten and rainbow Beanie Baby fish I got on the same day from them. Two kittens I got at Candy Kitchen in Rehobeth with my mom and brother. A fuzzy black lab named Toby with a Pound Puppies collar, even though he's not that brand. A stuffed rhinoceros I got from "the dentist" a.k.a. a round-about gift from my mom to get me to stop sucking my thumb. An orange Beanie Baby tiger. A tiger I got from Darrell on the last day of 4th grade. It was supposed to be a birthday present, but Darrell found out he was going to Dallas during that week. We hung out some other times that summer. A snow tiger I got from Toys 'R' Us, a bigger snow tiger I got on a different trip, and one my brother won at a carnival. A singing, shaking pumpkin I got for Halloween from my pop-pop. I got mad once and threw it, and it stopped vibrating and I might have cried because he had died. Another time I tried it and it was working again. There's a smaller pumpkin I got on the same Halloween from him. A Mini Mouse Darrell got for me on his trip to Disney. He also got me a necklace with my name on it. I lost it once, and I felt horrible. However, on the week I could've gone to Disney with Katy, she got me the same necklace, so I pretended it was from him still when he was around.


I'm sure I can't express anything close to how amazing and detailed everything is. I'll have to take pictures when I go to college, because I might not be able to come back.

Slingshot

The summer before last, we were fearless. In 1999, Katherine and I came to Ocean City for an engagement party that my mother and her five sisters threw for us on the deck of my Aunt Susan's summer home on Ocean City's Gold Coast. The Gold Coast is the southerly end of the town, the new money mansions as opposed to the thirties-era salt-boxes up north. We opened presents until dusk fell. Then Katherine and I hiked down to the main drag of the boardwalk and took on everything the amusement parks had to offer: the Giant Ferris Wheel, The Inverter, The City Jet, The Spanish Galleon (Katherine's favorite). We were thrown and twisted and twirled, and Katherine almost got sick but didn't. My grandmother was alive then, and so was my mother.

Several weeks after we left, this happened: a new roller coaster at Wonderland Pier, the Wild Wonder, apparently malfunctioned. Apparently the car nearly reached the apex of its first major ascent when some mechanism failed. It began to roll backwards, gathering speed. When it slammed into the car behind it, which was being loaded with passengers, another mechanical failure apparently occurred, allowing two occupants, a young woman from New York and her very young child, to be thrown from their restraints. They flew out of the car, through the air, and into a steel support beam. They died instantly, apparently.

As well, as you may recall from my last letter, my grandmother died the following Christmas, and my mother died the following June, six days after my birthday, both quickly, both with little warning. And then in August we returned to Ocean City again. People asked: will it be hard going back to Ocean City without your mother? And I had no answer, the same non-answer I had and have to any question about how hard it is or will be now that all these things have happened: Jesus, I don't know.

- John Hodgman, "Slingshot"

Music

It was a humid day, grey with clouds heavy with rain. It had been pattering on and off, all morning just enough to cool down the air. I was pulling on socks, long, dark socks that came over my knees. Odd for such a hot day, and the white shorts I was wearing didn't fit with either of my podial choices, high socks and chuck taylors. There were no other shoes. My iPod shuffled, Tangerine. Oh meloncholy day, to have my iPod agree worsened my sense of restlessness and all about discontentment. Yet the lyrics have changed for me, and they play like elevator muzak. Rain causes the leaves to become a patterned mosaic, they fade even more to become a blur of green, and I realize Wish You Were Here was causing my eyes become wet, hm, what a mysterious feeling this was... How the music swayed my thoughts...

Cossart Road (a.k.a. Spooky Road)

During the incredible thunderstorm on Thursday (June 28th), Jeff of the pit decided it would be an excellent idea to drive down to spooky road middle of nowhere and tell scary stories once there. We needed to take two cars, Kacey, Matt, Steph, Nicki, and Scott were in Kacey's car. We called Viv, Jeff, Abby, Sarah, and I were in Jeff's car. We also had water because I was thirsty. Driving out to the road, the conversation focused on politics, the DuPonts once owned all of the land on our side of the river, and still do, and probably forever will. There is one house, the Cossart House, which has since become dilapidated and quite a bit spooky. Although the house is not visible from the road, Viv, who has been up there, told us how the window panes are inverted crosses, not common at all in the area or anywhere nearby, and it just has a general feeling of "spooky." It is said that a satanic cult moved in, and some member are still living there, the authorities are unable to precisely determine who they are and how to get them out. The most horrifying thing Viv saw while up at the house, was that small animals were hanging on the wraught iron fence, fur still on, but in a bad state of decay. Another myth concerning the house, is that they own a fleet of either red or white pick-up trucks, and reports of being run off the road were so frequent, that they had to shut down the road for a year. Skeleton tree, a supposed tree, that when you look at it in the right light, and at the right angle, you can see a skeleton in the worn out dirt around the roots. This is where the cult is said to place the heads of all of the things they sacrifice. One of the most obvious, and spookiest things about the road, is that all of the trees bend away from the house. Even along the left side of the road going up, almost a quarter mile from the house due to the length of the driveway, the trees all bend to their left. Once you get closer to the house, the more dramatic it becomes until the tree are nearly parallel to the ground. Perhaps power lines? Someone suggested, Viv said she had considered it, but that her mother, and my father (as it was later found out), had hung out here when they were young, thrill-seeking teenagers, when the power lines were not there yet. The trees still did what they're doing.

Other information about the site
that was not revealed during the trip:
http://www.cfrinv.com/press_8.22.99.htm

Green M&Ms

My friends know, or really anyone who's been a party with me where there are M&Ms available knows, that I have this thing about green M&Ms. I organize out the colors, and then eat them "in order" red, orange, yellow, and then brown. Sometimes I mix that up. However, once there's only blue and green, I hold off. You can wish on any M&M, but the blue ones are magic. Now, the M&M help desk can neither confirm nor deny the presence of magic in the blue M&Ms specifically, but I've had wishes come true. The remaining green ones I'll eat slowly or all in one gulp. They've always been my favorite. I'm not entirely sure why, but other people seem to feel the same way. Valentine's day this year, one of their marketing people had them change the "color of love" to green. I have a shirt that says, "I only eat the green ones." It's not entirely true, but if they had only green bags, I'd only buy them. For Christmas last year, Sarah got me a green M&Ms mug with a Green M&M plush. They're great.

Flight vs. Invisibility

"One super power is about something that's obvious, and the other is about something that is hidden. I think it indicates your level of shame. A person who chooses to fly doesn't have a lot to hide, but someone who wants to be invisible, clearly wants to hide themselves."

"Do you feel you want to be hide yourself?"

"I want, to... uh... I'd like to not, I'm not going to answer that question."

-John Hodgman and his friend Christine

"First of all, I think that a lot of people are going to tell you they would choose flight, and I think they're lying to you. I think they're saying that because they're trying to sound all mythic and heroic, because the better angels in our nature tell us that the better thing we should strive for is flight and that's noble and all that stuff. But if everyone was being honest with you, they'd be invisible because they'd want to shoplift and get onto flights for free."

"Anyone, faced with this choice, in their heart of hearts, would choose invisibility?"

"Yes."

-John Hodgman and unnamed woman

In the end, it's not a question of what kind of person flies, and what kind of person fades, we all do both. Perhaps that's why, when I put the choice to myself, I'm hopelessly and completely stuck. At the heart of this decision, the question I really don't want to face, is this: Who do you want to be? The person you hope to be, or the person you fear you actually are? Don't rush into it ...Think it over. Which would you choose?

-John Hodgman

Goodbye Birthday!

It was a good day. I woke up a little before noon. I played around with my new iPod and new songs for iTunes because my whole harddrive was wiped recently. I went to the library and to my dad's. My mom and I came back home, watched Snakes on a Plane, and fitfully laughed/were scared into jumping. At 6:30 we went to Bellevue to see the Sin City Band, a Western band. They were very good. I like a dose of nostalgia for things I didn't know. We then went to what used to be Ho' Jo's and I had prime rib, corn, half a baked potato, three rolls, a cup of pudding with whipped cream and candle. I didn't eat the candle. It's just sometimes I wonder about people. Especially at birthdays. I just don't know so much about people. Every year I have and don't ask is another potential last year.

I'd always assumed I'd go to college, become philosophical, maybe go to Florida and visit my Uncle Chris and we'd talk mysticism and music and history. He'd learned to play guitar, but he shaved and cut his hair shorter. I don't know exactly when he died, but it was sometime in the fall of last year. He was in the army. He wanted to go to Iraq, but he wasn't allowed. He was 35 I think. I got his guitar. I want to bring it up with people, that I want to hear about their past. Important things that made them who they are. I don't know about Viv on the Wagon Trail really. What did Matt do in Australia? What was Sarah's life like when Pat was still "a baby?" Abby J. still has stories to tell about Delaware. I'm sure she wouldn't want to talk about it, but Nicki and Scott? Erik is quite mysterious as well. What was Trisha like as a bitty baby? Adorable and not so angry?

Things to Do

I'm always so scared this might be the last time everything's the same before it's gone and changed again. Maybe I'll be gone all next summer. This school year is apparently full of work. AH! I want this to be a summer of last hurrahs, just in case we don't get another one.

Visit Mrs. Rock at her house again
Go creeking/tubing/canoing (I didn't know that's how you spelled it)/being half naked in the Brandywine River
Having the ULTIMATE scavenger hunt
Play a real, no holds barred, this might ruin your relationships game of Truth or Dare
To watch DCI Movie '08
Watch Romeo + Juliet starring Leonardo DiCaprio with the Hi-Q Team
Go for a camping trip
Spontaneous day trip to the beach
Coaster Craving at Dorney or Six Flags

I miss things

I don't mind change. Several wonderful things have happened and changed since all of these things have gone away. There's still always the feeling of "It was good, now could be better."

Circle time, when we actually formed circles and talked.
-Especially the time we had chocolate doughnuts and warheads.
Huddling together like penguins and/or amoebas for warmth.
90s Nickelodeon
Singing on the band bus ride in the dark
The bottle cap war of '06 where we built a fort in Viv's basement
Awesome parties in Nicki's basement
The particular party in Nicki's basement when Schlicter called
The party at Jeff's, where we just watched Family Guy at my insistence, but then all of us freshmen learned what it really was when we went upstairs, lit candles, and just talked
The lunch bunch with Matt, Tom Scott, Viv, D. Noll, Kyle, Kristin and Susan
Thinking Jeff was about the most model person there was
Being silly with Katie and Laura and Poofy and Noop Dawg
The table of doom
How Katie and I were going to sail her creek at night and be pirates.
-We're pirates, sailing the creek
-Eating dinner, sure to reek
-We sail by night, and sleep by day
-And we shall spend a week this way
When my mom wasn't such a tragic figure
When Viv was going to be here forever and ever and would take care of all of the babies
Talking for hours about Pokemon with Kristin
-She graduated this year. I didn't know if she'd make it, but she did. I haven't talked to her in at least two years.
Having more guy friends than girl friends
Being in that crazy business venture known as Quad L. with Frankie, Darrell, Kyle, Jose, and then eventually Merrill
When buttons really mattered
Times when Abby seemed so much crazier and spontaneous and amazing
Times when I seemed so much crazier and spontaneous and amazing
The year Hi-Q owned everything and I loved it and worked hard and didn't see flaws
Knowing I didn't deserve section leader
Speak Up with the '07 Seniors like Steve, Beth, Erin, Jeff, and Melissa.
The crazy seniors I already miss, Gina, Drew, Steph, Viv, Erik
Creeking with my family
Summer weekend beach trips with my mom
Climbing trees with Erik in Matt's backyard
Erik in general
Super Guiro
The crazy associated with The Cricket and The Tennis ball
The party in Matt's basement where I had so much fun running around trying to get them back
My dog Kelley
The Wallace twins, especially Kiersten
When climbing the trees in and around my yard seemed like a harrowing feat
Being impressed with the Memorial Day Parade and not just irritated by it
Being friends with Joe
Not being scared for my brother's future
Being proud of what I'd done
Recess
Batman and the Justice League and Scooby-Doo
Riding places and singing
When at least someone was still around who was occasionally willing to go to my mom's
When I didn't realize D was so manipulative
My senior buddy
Steve being crazy
Schlicter being crazy and LOUD
The party at Kacey/Steph's where Scott played Scenes from an Italian Restaurant and we all sang
The party at Kacey/Steph's where it had just snowed so much, and we all played psychologist and went outside and played tag on the frozen snow and walked/sledded to Katie's house and then sledded in her yard even though she wasn't home
Carving the Colbert Pumpkin
Baked ziti party where the entire table got into the ridiculous argument about the unstated ratio of bread to butter
When the German exchange students were here
When "the pit was it" on the bus and we all loved everyone, even Alanna
Football games where the entirety of the game would be spent attempting to get Zach to dance, lesbian, dance
Learning sign language to talk about people from across the room or in front of their face
Having Sarah to talk to and gossip with in Spanish class
Any hot tub party ever
Specifically her birthday
Specifically the time Matt and Jeff's hair froze and we made a big deal out of it despite the fact all of the girls' hair had frozen too


Thinking that I had the best freshmen year with the greatest friends in the world and knowing that I had found a place I belonged and knowing that it was all going to change

Brianna

Matt has a new girlfriend Brianna. It was rather out of the blue as I didn't know they ever spoke to each other until the week before, but that's cool. I don't know her that well, but she seems awesome with the exception that she says RENT is better than Phantom and that Miss American Pie is not a good song. I was definitely surprised, but also relieved because now I know I can't jeopardize our friendship.

I'm vaguely worried she'll see me as a threat, because I don't know her well and I pretty much want Matt to be my best friend. Otherwise she's really cool.

Drunk Uncle Philosophy

Nobody else matters. Compassion is useless because you'll wind up being hurt again. It's about the people you know. You're here and nothing else matters.

There's a whole lot of news I'm not interested in that they insist on telling me anyway.


**********************************************************************************

My great grandmother's house was in the middle of nowhere. 5 miles from any neighbor with the whole property bordered by barbed wire. Every spring, the children, all eight of them, would get packed up to spend a week or two with grandma and gramps. It was hell. The only interesting thing about it were the cats. If they didn't want to play with you, you were screwed. Great grandpa illegally hunted in the woods and there was a spring fed pool. There was also a springhouse. It wasn't much, maybe a 10 x 10 building with a decrepit roof and slippery stairs to the water. However, the spring water wasn't always safe to drink. It was all a worthless show, because they had long been connected to the public water system. But every spring, they continued the tradition despite it. Once a year, all eight children and gramma would stand inside the spring house and throw a fish into the water. If it died, they all got to watch a fish die. If it lived, the water was safe to drink, and you could drink it. If you wanted, but no one did. Afterwards you could always check up on the trapped fish in the spring house. It's an odd thought, fish in a house.

Guys?

I've got everything covered. I've got Matt as a best friend, Wasiq as a flirt, Jeff as a big brother, Jack as a real brother, Joe as an ex, and no crush.

Looking at Joe's prom pictures, it does hurt a little bit, but I'm glad it's been this long because otherwise it'd hurt more. It was never going to be me, and if we had still been dating I might have cried my eyes out even though it was "my choice" not to go.


Dick move though. Damn.

*sigh?*

I do not understand so much. Another night with the damn bear. It represents everything that was good about him and the relationship. It's odd, because I know I wouldn't go back to be with him for his personality, but I would be friends with benefits?! I know it couldn't work because it'd be so awkward, but I also would feel like I am betraying the future thinking about this. I tried switching my fantasy lover to Matt, but it doesn't work AT ALL. It's too weird and creepy. Of course, it's not weird at all I still fantasize about Joe.

I sometimes wonder if he thinks about it. I've always assumed it didn't mean as much to him. After all, I was the fifth girl he kissed I think, and his third legitimate girlfriend, but never a Gina. I was sad that followed him. I suppose it did with good measure, but she got to move on without consequence and it was assumed Steph and I were rebounds, despite the fact it was at least five months later. I don't understand why Gina is so angry, and if I knew maybe it'd be easier? Yet I get the distinct feeling she's just holding a grudge.

I also wonder what's up with Matt. Kacey said she'd be fine if I dated him, and almost hopes I do to prove he's fine. But we both came off of relatively significant relationships, his longer, mine more important to me, and there's no way I want the word rebound ever associated with our relationship. I want Matt to mean something, and Joe to just be practice.

"Then I thought about the present and how much of it is mine to keep."
-Kurt Vonegut

Content?!

I'm very happy with where I stand. It's pretty much the end of the year. The only things I have to do are in English and a term paper. Just out of school projects really.

I've learned to be content with Sarah's run to friend, it's nice. She can be Abby's best friend for the rest of their lives, but when she's fighting with Abby, I'll be there. I'll be there for the rest of it, just not as important a role.

Trisha's awesome, she's got gossip and cares.
Abby's awesome, but I fear her ambition? Until then, she's fun. Too much melodrama.
Viv has been back for awhile. Tom is adorable. Steph is a cutie. Gina and I are having a "secret" love affair.

Boys are great right now. Joe and Dave are hilarious in Chem class and gym. I'm back to appreciating Jeff again. Matt's pretty much my BFF and single. EVERYone can see we're going to get together, it just matters when. Hopefully not too soon as I am not currently interested. He can't stay single forever, and I'm sure I'll be jealous again, but damn if this isn't sweet right now.

I feel a little bit vindicated by this. I had a great time with Joe, but I knew there was nothing in it. I've wanted Matt to be my highschool sweetheart for such a long time if such things still exist. At least I know I'll mean something to someone faster than Joe will to another girl.

I've already said my goodbyes to him, so I don't have to care. I'll be friends again when he's in college, because then it doesn't matter at all. I feel great. Swimmin' is just around the river bend.

Recollection

I spent about an hour thinking about him last night. Not really who he is now, but what it was like. Several things remind me of it, and it's not bad, because the whole thing was a lot of fun. Something made me actually laugh out loud thinking about it. That might have been painful irony though. Nutella Sammiches, excellent, and Nutella Sammich Kisses, not as excellent. Pretty much everything at the Sale does. It was our first date. He paid for dinner and I bought him baklava. He slipped on the hardwood floor once, that was funny. I wound up smelling like him that day. He does have a good choice of body spray. I made a line of a song that doesn't have any other words because I liked it. He kissed me with his eyes closed, so I changed it to, she fucks with her eyes closed. He's also not a good kisser. Very heavy lipped. Now I'm just angry he's sorta boring and I don't know what to say to him. I miss talking, but again, there's nothing to say to him. I laughed at how long our conversations were. I thought it was crazy. I've wound up having similarly long conversations with Matt which sorta pisses me off. I don't want anything from Matt right now. I will later, I know, and while I could have a romantic relationship, I'm just not in it yet. I don't want to do anything to ruin our friendship because it means so much to me. Also, I'm still a little bit not done fantasizing about Joe. I can't do anything on my own without thinking about him. Maybe that was what made me laugh, thinking about him and how he won't get anything else until he goes to college. Nope... I think it might have been the conversation in my head I was going to have with him about the pictures from Sarah's birthday party. Now that he's accepted into college, I don't see any reason not to put them back up. Plus, I'm still a fan of him topless. Which is weird. OMG! It was something about a fun patch and Dr. Cox. It was Dr. Cox I was thinking of... I'm completely over a romantic relationship, especially because he's not really funny anymore. He actually wasn't the whole time really... Matt's always made me laugh more. I'm not even sure where Wasiq fits in. Eh, hottie with a body.

Farmhouse

Welcome this is a Farmhouse
we have cluster flies alas
And this time of year is bad
We are so very sorry,
There is little we can do
But swat them

She didn't beg oh, not enough
She didn't stay when things got tough
I told a lie and she got mad
She wasn't there when things got bad

I never ever saw the northern lights
I never really heard of cluster flies
Never ever saw the stars so bright
In the farmhouse things will be alright

Woke this morning to the stinging lash
Every man rise from the ash
Each betrayal begins with trust
Every man returns to dust

Discontent

I don't understand why I'm so anxious. I'm dissatisfied with something, but I'm not sure what. It's not my lifestyle, I love learning, music, my lack of responsibility, my relative independence, food, and yet I want nothing more than to leave.

Shattered Wish, from Hope too High

So I got my hopes up... again.

Hey, are you going to coffee house?
I don't know, are you going?
I think so, but I don't know who else is going.
Ok, I'll see if I can go.

I can't go.
Oh, I can't make it either.

My dad changed my mind, I'm going.
Yeah, see you there.


Who's going to the dodgeball tournament?
Not Chloe.
Not Matt. Wait, what did you say?
Not Chloe?
Yeah, not Matt.

All around backstabber, but that's just me...