50 Little Secrets
Who was your last text from?
James Matthew Avestruz
Where was your default picture taken?
Perhaps the most epic picture in the noble union of land pirates and cameras, my default picture was taken by my BFF, Matt, at Longwood Gardens.
Your relationship status?
I am the girlfriend of my boyfriend, James Matthew Avestruz. However, when listening to "Put a Ring On It," I put "mah hands up." On May 3rd, I will celebrating my 1 Year Anniversary with my beloved secret lover, Gina. Also, I may or may not be the mistress of Molly Diggory.
Where did you meet your boyfriend?
The band room? Dear goodness. That's foul.
Have you ever lost a close friend?
Ah, many times, but my life is blessed with beautiful, transient people who make their time with me a gorgeous adventure.
What is your current mood?
Light and giddy!
What's your brother's name(s)?
John Joesph Hendriekez Glynn
Sister's name(s)?
Miss Carriage
Where do you wish you were right now?
I wish, that right now, I was stargazing in Death Valley, California.
Have a crazy side?
No, I'm fairly one sided crazy.
Ever had a near death experience?
Not very close, though I've been scared.
Something you do a lot?
Say "quite" or "rather." Move around unnecessarily. Talk. Sing. Blink. Smile. Laugh.
Angry at anyone?
It's a strange sort of angry where there was no quantifiable wrong done against me, and therefore nothing to forgive or apologize for, but I'm still angry.
What's stopping you from going for the person you like?
Because I already went for them and they liked me back, so now I have them!
When was the last time you cried and why?
Last Saturday, I was absolutely wrecked with exhaustion, drumline had just taken first place. I realized that the organization holds no personal satisfaction and I won't care incredibly about the people in it next year. It was hard to feel close to Jimmy and it became so obvious that I'd temporarily lost my best friends and everyone I'd connected with and those I hadn't were going to leave and I wanted to get out of here so badly.
Is there anyone you would do anything for?
There are people I would commit murder for, there are definitely more people I would go to jail for. There are people who I would do anything within reason for. There are people who I would do anything they could possibly request of me for. There is no one I would do anything for, simply because I am unable to.
What do you think about when you are falling asleep?
Jimmy, friends, my mom, contentment, restlessness, getting out of here, word play, the posters over my bed, what I can physically feel at that instant, stuff I have to do, obligations, the past, beautiful, beautiful memories of last summer
Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
Jimmy, though my dad was the last person to call me... oops.
What is your favorite song?
All time favorite song: Wish You Were Here by Pink Floyd for 3 reasons
Next Top 2: You Can't Always Get What You Want by the Rolling Stones for 3 reasons
Going to California by Led Zeppelin for 2 reasons
What are you doing right now?
Fillin' out this, thinkin' 'bout what to draw, listen' to Australia.
Do you trust anyone right now?
I trust almost everyone, but for some it's that I have trust in their consistency not necessarily their loyalty to me.
Where did you get the shirt your wearing?
Viv gave it to me! :D
Have you hugged someone in the past week?
DUH!
Describe your life in two words?
Restless/Content
Who are you thinking about at the moment?
Jimmy!
What should you be doing right now?
Talking to Jimmy, but his wireless died. I should actually be looking for a coffin for it.
What are you listening to right now?
Loose Lips by Kimya Dawson from the JUNO Soundtrack (it changed since the other question about this)
Who was the last person who gave you a hug?
Jimmy! :D
Who was the last person who yelled at you?
Mr. Longo (?)
What is your natural hair color?
Blonde with highlights, the shade depends on the season
Who was the last person to make you laugh?
Jimmy :]
Who was the last person to make you mad?
Myself, for not saying the "the" in pantheism. It was terrible, but I was worked up. :P
What animals do you have?
A doggy, a kitty, and a barn cat
Is your hair curly or straight?
Straight like an arrow that's been molded over someone's curvy head.
Hugged the opposite sex in the past 3 days?
Every day at least twice a day!
Do you use smiley faces on the computer?
Yes, but they do not quite convey the emotion of real faces.
Plans for the week?
Tomorrow: HiQ banquet
Friday: Pennsylvania State Academic Bowl
Saturday: TIA Chapter 3 Championship Competition
Sunday: Hangin' out with Jimmy
Are you happy with life right now?
Happy is not quite strong enough a word for it.
Are you currently jealous?
Of course, but it's nothing that bothers me as my life is SO FREAKING AWESOME.
What were you doing Friday night?
Sleeping and talking to Jimmy!
Have you ever had your heart broken?
Yes. "Broken hearts hurt, but they make you strong."
Have you ever broken someone's heart?
Nope.
Is there anybody you're really disappointed with?
Not really disappointed with, but there are some things I should address.
Last person you saw?
My papa.
How late did you stay up last night and why?
I fell asleep at 8:30ish because Jimmy was video editing and I had nothing better to do, then I woke up around 11:30 and we talked until 12:30ish.
Have you ever dated someone longer than a year?
No, thank goodness!
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Sunday, April 19, 2009
miniTHON
Dance. Dance.
First we "learned" the miniTHON line dance. Unfortunately, there weren't enough repetitions for us to really get a handle. The first time they organized it without Morgan leading the demonstration we could barely get past the first steps. The dancing was free form from then on, with the best songs being played while the playlist was fresh and the public was there. The Battle of the Beanfield, my group, (named hastily when it was on the list of "awesome things from Wikipedia" I was carrying around with me) danced quite enthusiastically, receiving recognition from teachers in the form of "tickets." These tickets, along with donations from the public or group members, decided who would "win" at the end of the night. Some serious air guitaring on my part led to a small shout out from Nick L. and another point for us. The first activity required all of the dancers to line up by birthday to divide them into random groups. My randomly chosen team took third in the first round of relays, moving on to the finals, and first overall. At some point we got back to our original members, and they forced us to "caterpillar." This requires the first person in line to put their ankles on the second's shoulders while kneeling and so on and so forth down the line. It was a terrible set up that had no research put into it as no group could finish. Back to dancing! Pizza at eleven was good. Jimmy and Josh realized that my group member, Margo, didn't know when they were joking. Margo and I played ping pong. Our ball went behind the bleachers. I found a cockroach. Rachel and I played badminton. We kicked butt and got tickets for enthusiasm. I got destroyed by Molly Cannon in ice cream tasting. Automm and I couldn't hear the music in DDR, so we both failed. However, we both rocked through the fire and flames on Guitar Hero. I sang Float On with Steve and ...someone else? We were the only group who very enthusiastically danced for the live band, Leaving Cash. They also gave us a bit of a shout out. TECHNOMANIA!! (didn't go so well because the techno sucked...) Right after a straight half hour of bouncing to computer generated beats, we began our "aerobic activity." A woman came up on stage to instruct us on "zoomba." Zoomba is a type of dance fitness with very sexy hip moving that has more the atmosphere of a party than instructional activity. It's following the instructor to the beat of the Latin hip hop while trying not to collapse. That went on for 45 minutes to my surprise. I was exhausted for the lack of break after techno. However, if it didn't cost money, that would be a great work out. One of the goals of the evening was to not sit down. Jimmy and I held hands when I gave in. Absence is the only way to appreciate something and I certainly take sitting for granted. Our team won the scavenger hunt, but everyone was disqualified for reasons we couldn't quite figure out. They still gave us tickets. Kerri was very badass with her sunglasses. Indoors. At night. Josh borrowed them pretending to be someone else in a quest for a second serving of ice cream. After the poorly organized dodgeball tournament around 3 or 4, it deteriorated into a loosely unenthusiastic milling about of people. Jimmy and Josh flashed the bat-signal in people's eyes. 5-6AM was fairly miserable. We were all sleepy, sore, and irritable. I danced from 6-6:30, the last of the night. Celebrating the end was magical. We sat as a group, listening to Nick say his whatevers. We raised $17,600 or so. Because we got out so early I got a ride home from Josh, who was also delivering Jimmy to his place of residence. The final word of the evening, Josh said, "and tomorrow we will all wake up and the world will still be the same."
Unrelated: I really like this music video.
First we "learned" the miniTHON line dance. Unfortunately, there weren't enough repetitions for us to really get a handle. The first time they organized it without Morgan leading the demonstration we could barely get past the first steps. The dancing was free form from then on, with the best songs being played while the playlist was fresh and the public was there. The Battle of the Beanfield, my group, (named hastily when it was on the list of "awesome things from Wikipedia" I was carrying around with me) danced quite enthusiastically, receiving recognition from teachers in the form of "tickets." These tickets, along with donations from the public or group members, decided who would "win" at the end of the night. Some serious air guitaring on my part led to a small shout out from Nick L. and another point for us. The first activity required all of the dancers to line up by birthday to divide them into random groups. My randomly chosen team took third in the first round of relays, moving on to the finals, and first overall. At some point we got back to our original members, and they forced us to "caterpillar." This requires the first person in line to put their ankles on the second's shoulders while kneeling and so on and so forth down the line. It was a terrible set up that had no research put into it as no group could finish. Back to dancing! Pizza at eleven was good. Jimmy and Josh realized that my group member, Margo, didn't know when they were joking. Margo and I played ping pong. Our ball went behind the bleachers. I found a cockroach. Rachel and I played badminton. We kicked butt and got tickets for enthusiasm. I got destroyed by Molly Cannon in ice cream tasting. Automm and I couldn't hear the music in DDR, so we both failed. However, we both rocked through the fire and flames on Guitar Hero. I sang Float On with Steve and ...someone else? We were the only group who very enthusiastically danced for the live band, Leaving Cash. They also gave us a bit of a shout out. TECHNOMANIA!! (didn't go so well because the techno sucked...) Right after a straight half hour of bouncing to computer generated beats, we began our "aerobic activity." A woman came up on stage to instruct us on "zoomba." Zoomba is a type of dance fitness with very sexy hip moving that has more the atmosphere of a party than instructional activity. It's following the instructor to the beat of the Latin hip hop while trying not to collapse. That went on for 45 minutes to my surprise. I was exhausted for the lack of break after techno. However, if it didn't cost money, that would be a great work out. One of the goals of the evening was to not sit down. Jimmy and I held hands when I gave in. Absence is the only way to appreciate something and I certainly take sitting for granted. Our team won the scavenger hunt, but everyone was disqualified for reasons we couldn't quite figure out. They still gave us tickets. Kerri was very badass with her sunglasses. Indoors. At night. Josh borrowed them pretending to be someone else in a quest for a second serving of ice cream. After the poorly organized dodgeball tournament around 3 or 4, it deteriorated into a loosely unenthusiastic milling about of people. Jimmy and Josh flashed the bat-signal in people's eyes. 5-6AM was fairly miserable. We were all sleepy, sore, and irritable. I danced from 6-6:30, the last of the night. Celebrating the end was magical. We sat as a group, listening to Nick say his whatevers. We raised $17,600 or so. Because we got out so early I got a ride home from Josh, who was also delivering Jimmy to his place of residence. The final word of the evening, Josh said, "and tomorrow we will all wake up and the world will still be the same."
Unrelated: I really like this music video.
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Boscov's Deluxe Assorted Chocolates by Asher's
At every holiday that requires a gathering of family, my grandmom gets 2 lbs. of assorted chocolates from Boscov's. I doubt that she actually goes out for the purchase, but it is at her tribute. When I was little, only my pop-pop seemed to eat them as I would never risk the disaster of coconut and they're not very high quality chocolates. Now I have it down to a fine science, picking out the chocolates I want. My brother only has it narrowed down to two on figuring out which one is caramel. But Uncle Mike has it perfect, and often beats him to it.
Friday, April 10, 2009
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
A Softer World
Abby: this is almost the last meaningful thing I said to you
Barathi: or convert it to Barathi(s), but there's only one
Chloe: if only I escape
Dad: Why do I feel like he's trapped?
Dave: I don't think it's true, but still reminds me of him
Emily: this or this
Erik: why do I feel like you've said this before?
Gina: you are my far off star
Hetty: I don't know what "preternaturally" means, but assume it's good
Jeff: nerds and cats
Jeremy: haha, dick
Jimmy: I've ruined your philosophy
Joe: you were always kinda average
Joey: you always play to win
Kacey: she's not really that diabolical
Katie: this because of this
Lexie: because she's really okay
Matt: BFFs!
Meg: and Joe are super cute
Molly: singing and planning
Mom: *sigh*
Nicki: I like you better without a boyfriend :(
Rose: because you're so badass
Sarah: Do angels have princesses?
Stasi: change
Steve G.: I <3 Government
Tom: I can't imagine him making sandwiches though
Trisha: you are exciting and independent
Viv: this and that
Wasiq: if only
Others:
noun
pronoun
verb
adverb
adjective
conjunction
interjection
preposition
letters
word
sentences
paragraphs
something written
Barathi: or convert it to Barathi(s), but there's only one
Chloe: if only I escape
Dad: Why do I feel like he's trapped?
Dave: I don't think it's true, but still reminds me of him
Emily: this or this
Erik: why do I feel like you've said this before?
Gina: you are my far off star
Hetty: I don't know what "preternaturally" means, but assume it's good
Jeff: nerds and cats
Jeremy: haha, dick
Jimmy: I've ruined your philosophy
Joe: you were always kinda average
Joey: you always play to win
Kacey: she's not really that diabolical
Katie: this because of this
Lexie: because she's really okay
Matt: BFFs!
Meg: and Joe are super cute
Molly: singing and planning
Mom: *sigh*
Nicki: I like you better without a boyfriend :(
Rose: because you're so badass
Sarah: Do angels have princesses?
Stasi: change
Steve G.: I <3 Government
Tom: I can't imagine him making sandwiches though
Trisha: you are exciting and independent
Viv: this and that
Wasiq: if only
Others:
noun
pronoun
verb
adverb
adjective
conjunction
interjection
preposition
letters
word
sentences
paragraphs
something written
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Monday, April 6, 2009
Sunday, April 5, 2009
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Monday, March 30, 2009
walls, roof, stuff, me = my room
I can't imagine having any other room other than my own. I see myself going to college, living in a dorm, moving out, having a real house and life, etc... but I imagine that this room with always be here for me, when it won't.
Sunday, March 29, 2009
The Onion
Frank Miller and DC Comics announced that they would be publishing a graphic novel in which Batman hunts down Osama bin Laden. What do you think?
"Did Katrina teach us nothing? We need Batman here, at home."
On the fifth anniversary this month, CNN.com will be streaming footage all day of the network's televised coverage from Sept. 11th, 2001, enabling viewers to relive it as events unfolded. What do you think?
"September what?"
"Considering I was in a coma at the time, this will certainly help me fully assimilate to the scarred, paranoid society into which I awoke.
"I doubt many people will watch. During that time, FoxNews.com will be airing Pirates of the Caribbean."
"Did Katrina teach us nothing? We need Batman here, at home."
On the fifth anniversary this month, CNN.com will be streaming footage all day of the network's televised coverage from Sept. 11th, 2001, enabling viewers to relive it as events unfolded. What do you think?
"September what?"
"Considering I was in a coma at the time, this will certainly help me fully assimilate to the scarred, paranoid society into which I awoke.
"I doubt many people will watch. During that time, FoxNews.com will be airing Pirates of the Caribbean."
xkcd #561
There is a big difference between writing something down and speaking it aloud. Usually I consider something written the less emotionally powerful of the media, but it's more permanent and final. I dunno, just thinking. To deny something verbally is more impressive than on paper.
Friday, March 27, 2009
I love re-reading Catch-22
" What could you do with a man who looked you squarely in the eye and said he would rather die than be killed in combat, a man who was at least as mature and intelligent as you were and who you had to pretend was not? What could you say to him?"
This is my 3rd reading of Catch-22. It's better than the second, which was tremendous compared to the first, which was beyond anything I had read until that point, but it's not helping with what I need it to.
This is my 3rd reading of Catch-22. It's better than the second, which was tremendous compared to the first, which was beyond anything I had read until that point, but it's not helping with what I need it to.
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Monday, March 23, 2009
Best Drumline Ever
There is a particular note I did not realize was a double stop. It was easy to fix, but in the process, Katie called me, "special." Molly laughed, but said that it was because of how adorable I looked when I fixed it. I don't believe it, and she's just jealous that I'm special and Katie didn't outright call her special, even though she's special too.
Later!
The point in Exlposive where we have the jacket switch, Molly and I are crouching behind our instruments. I decided to make a funny face at her. Apparently, when I had my mallets set and crazy face on, I looked like some little thing ready to eat dinner, utensils in hand. She stood up to play, and collapsed in laughter over her instrument. I, in turn, began laughing until I had tears in my eyes. Both of us missed that rep. Then, Katie told us how we had to appreciate these moments because after college they don't happen anymore.
The last few measure of Exlposive are super extreme and a lot faster than originally practiced at. We managed the technical aspect, but it led to a LOT of potential/hilarious visuals. Tom was acting them out for all of us. To rehydrate myself, there was a bottle of water encased within my mallet bag. Convenient! I stopped a second to take a refreshing drink, just as Tom performed the "instrument switch rainbow" and I burst out laughing, spilling water all over my xylophone. I used my cover up to mop up the droplets, but nicked my arm in the process. Fiberglass splinters!
There was a really extreme action, where on beat 3 we brought up our left mallet. Beat 4, our right mallet. Beat 1, snap to attention and play. Overall, hilarious. The last beast, we tried various assortments of "shooting stars," "rainbows," and "excited jumps."
Upon being dismissed, I pulled ahead of Rose in a nasty bit of trickery to get to the doors and out of the gym before her. However, I did stop to help her out. Then, we raced back to the band room! I took the straight line between the booths; she navigated between the glass cases. I won, but was much out of breath.
Molly and I skipped a lot.
Later!
The point in Exlposive where we have the jacket switch, Molly and I are crouching behind our instruments. I decided to make a funny face at her. Apparently, when I had my mallets set and crazy face on, I looked like some little thing ready to eat dinner, utensils in hand. She stood up to play, and collapsed in laughter over her instrument. I, in turn, began laughing until I had tears in my eyes. Both of us missed that rep. Then, Katie told us how we had to appreciate these moments because after college they don't happen anymore.
The last few measure of Exlposive are super extreme and a lot faster than originally practiced at. We managed the technical aspect, but it led to a LOT of potential/hilarious visuals. Tom was acting them out for all of us. To rehydrate myself, there was a bottle of water encased within my mallet bag. Convenient! I stopped a second to take a refreshing drink, just as Tom performed the "instrument switch rainbow" and I burst out laughing, spilling water all over my xylophone. I used my cover up to mop up the droplets, but nicked my arm in the process. Fiberglass splinters!
There was a really extreme action, where on beat 3 we brought up our left mallet. Beat 4, our right mallet. Beat 1, snap to attention and play. Overall, hilarious. The last beast, we tried various assortments of "shooting stars," "rainbows," and "excited jumps."
Upon being dismissed, I pulled ahead of Rose in a nasty bit of trickery to get to the doors and out of the gym before her. However, I did stop to help her out. Then, we raced back to the band room! I took the straight line between the booths; she navigated between the glass cases. I won, but was much out of breath.
Molly and I skipped a lot.
Drumline Freshmen + People
I don't dislike the drumline freshmen, but I'm not too entirely attached to them. They're not exceptional. Hannah reminds me of me, because of the situation, and that makes me sad for her. Devon is wonderful and adorable, but I haven't gotten to talk to her. Mel, she's sweet and quiet. Kate, fluttery and cute and bubbly, but I'm not sure how much more there is and she plays the bus games. Joey doesn't count, because I've known him from before. We watched a documentary entitled "American Pimp" together. That's like family.
These freshmen made me so happy on Saturday. I laughed and laughed and and laughed, and was proud of them for growing up/having personalities.
Rose is awesome. She doesn't talk a lot, but I love it when she does. She's my favorite. Mike is close, but I don't see him as much.
Speaking of Rose, I'm pretty sure he's going to get with Kira if he hasn't already, and I think I'm okay with that. I do miss him, but even in school, he doesn't seem as funny. Jimmy has been telling me about the crazy relationships that group goes through, and I've decided that the relationship chart can't function anymore with them included.
Every time Abby posts a "Look at how hot I am" picture, I laugh and laugh and feel a little bit vindictive, but she posted it. I know it's mean of me, but a.) Dave is P.J. O'Rourke for teenage satire b.) it's Will, that's creepy and he actually means it
I <3 the internet. There's a whole bunch of stuff I have to show Matt sometime in the future. I talked to Jimmy about it, and he's fine with my bestie. The first time I mentioned Matt, Jimmy said, "Matt is a dork and AWESOME. I'm glad he's in my class." I like talking to people who appreciate Matt.
In an unrelated conversation with Jeff, I related the time when Mrs. Avestruz called me "one of those kids with a weird sense of humor," because Arrested Development is hilarious, quirky humor. I agreed, and, to Jeff, said something along the lines of, "I'm glad my friends have weird senses of humor too, specifically Matt." Jeff responded with, "Matt is the pinnacle of quirky humor, and it's hilarious."
I said "Molly is almost my favorite person ever in the whole entire world," in a conversation with Jimmy. He got sad. I expressed almost. I might have been lying to make Jimmy feel better.
Back when Jimmy was telling me the awful stories about that group of inter-dating kids that was mind blowing, it made me sad to realize what people to do each other. Then we watched this YouTube video, and it made me so happy. It's almost like there's hope for people.
Improv Everywhere is hilarious. I want there to be a course or a club at GV, and to join a troupe in New York or Pitt, or any major city where I spent a significant amount of time.
Someday I'm going to have an "Oh God, my APPLE JUICE!" moment with someone who will confront me. I've been setting up the occasion a lot, people just haven't been around to hear me. There are 5 people that this could potentially happen to in the future. There are a few I would prefer it didn't happen to, but if that's how it goes, whatever.
I can't imagine drumline with an instructor other than Tom. He's so hilarious, and a teensy bit unprofessional at times, but that's the best part of it. It's also only with "kids he knew before," so we're already the cool kids he's talking to. He does keep it respectful though, and it's just silly things, like making fun of the kids in line or being absurd.
Apparently, he and Viv do not speak with frequency. I was saddened to learn that. Literally, every time I went to Viv's house, he was there. He swore we had Tom sensing powers, because he only came to her house a few times. That makes me sad, especially looking to my future.
I miss Viv. I gotta go visit her and spend the night at her dorm and meet her peeps and whatnot. She has exciting stories, and is one of the few girls I talk to online besides Trisha.
On Saturday, I challenged Sarah to pose something in the past that I wouldn't remember. She asked for her birthday, what she got me for my birthday two years ago, her Spanish name in Spanish II freshman year, and a few other things. It made me really happy to remember good times, specifically with her, because that's what I'm missing about them.
I feel like I've been talking to Jeff more frequently than in comparison to some other time, and I'm enjoying it. At the couch warming party at Abby's, when we lit fireworks, Dave, Matt, and Jeff, were standing around the box of colorful, flammable gunpowders, and if my brother had been there, it would have been the important guys in my life all right there. Dave didn't fit in, I recognized it again that night, and I knew it couldn't last.
On the first day of our PSSA half days, I graffiti'd this for Jimmy. It took about an hour because of the laptop touch pad and my relative inexperience with it. It has to be synced with "Falling for the First Time" by Barenaked Ladies, to make any sense. Also, you have to play with the speed button for a while to make the images line up with the lyrics. He makes me so happy and I missed graffiti.
Vegetarian diet +
strength & conditioning +
boyfriend who calls me beautiful =
self worth space elevator to the moon!
I've been missing Trisha, but she's in my English class now and we talk a lot in Bio. If she gets into my group next semester, it's going to be crazy awesome. If not, the class will still be really awesome. ENGLISH RULES! I miss art classes, and this is close enough.
These freshmen made me so happy on Saturday. I laughed and laughed and and laughed, and was proud of them for growing up/having personalities.
Rose is awesome. She doesn't talk a lot, but I love it when she does. She's my favorite. Mike is close, but I don't see him as much.
Speaking of Rose, I'm pretty sure he's going to get with Kira if he hasn't already, and I think I'm okay with that. I do miss him, but even in school, he doesn't seem as funny. Jimmy has been telling me about the crazy relationships that group goes through, and I've decided that the relationship chart can't function anymore with them included.
Every time Abby posts a "Look at how hot I am" picture, I laugh and laugh and feel a little bit vindictive, but she posted it. I know it's mean of me, but a.) Dave is P.J. O'Rourke for teenage satire b.) it's Will, that's creepy and he actually means it
I <3 the internet. There's a whole bunch of stuff I have to show Matt sometime in the future. I talked to Jimmy about it, and he's fine with my bestie. The first time I mentioned Matt, Jimmy said, "Matt is a dork and AWESOME. I'm glad he's in my class." I like talking to people who appreciate Matt.
In an unrelated conversation with Jeff, I related the time when Mrs. Avestruz called me "one of those kids with a weird sense of humor," because Arrested Development is hilarious, quirky humor. I agreed, and, to Jeff, said something along the lines of, "I'm glad my friends have weird senses of humor too, specifically Matt." Jeff responded with, "Matt is the pinnacle of quirky humor, and it's hilarious."
I said "Molly is almost my favorite person ever in the whole entire world," in a conversation with Jimmy. He got sad. I expressed almost. I might have been lying to make Jimmy feel better.
Back when Jimmy was telling me the awful stories about that group of inter-dating kids that was mind blowing, it made me sad to realize what people to do each other. Then we watched this YouTube video, and it made me so happy. It's almost like there's hope for people.
Improv Everywhere is hilarious. I want there to be a course or a club at GV, and to join a troupe in New York or Pitt, or any major city where I spent a significant amount of time.
Someday I'm going to have an "Oh God, my APPLE JUICE!" moment with someone who will confront me. I've been setting up the occasion a lot, people just haven't been around to hear me. There are 5 people that this could potentially happen to in the future. There are a few I would prefer it didn't happen to, but if that's how it goes, whatever.
I can't imagine drumline with an instructor other than Tom. He's so hilarious, and a teensy bit unprofessional at times, but that's the best part of it. It's also only with "kids he knew before," so we're already the cool kids he's talking to. He does keep it respectful though, and it's just silly things, like making fun of the kids in line or being absurd.
Apparently, he and Viv do not speak with frequency. I was saddened to learn that. Literally, every time I went to Viv's house, he was there. He swore we had Tom sensing powers, because he only came to her house a few times. That makes me sad, especially looking to my future.
I miss Viv. I gotta go visit her and spend the night at her dorm and meet her peeps and whatnot. She has exciting stories, and is one of the few girls I talk to online besides Trisha.
On Saturday, I challenged Sarah to pose something in the past that I wouldn't remember. She asked for her birthday, what she got me for my birthday two years ago, her Spanish name in Spanish II freshman year, and a few other things. It made me really happy to remember good times, specifically with her, because that's what I'm missing about them.
I feel like I've been talking to Jeff more frequently than in comparison to some other time, and I'm enjoying it. At the couch warming party at Abby's, when we lit fireworks, Dave, Matt, and Jeff, were standing around the box of colorful, flammable gunpowders, and if my brother had been there, it would have been the important guys in my life all right there. Dave didn't fit in, I recognized it again that night, and I knew it couldn't last.
On the first day of our PSSA half days, I graffiti'd this for Jimmy. It took about an hour because of the laptop touch pad and my relative inexperience with it. It has to be synced with "Falling for the First Time" by Barenaked Ladies, to make any sense. Also, you have to play with the speed button for a while to make the images line up with the lyrics. He makes me so happy and I missed graffiti.
Vegetarian diet +
strength & conditioning +
boyfriend who calls me beautiful =
self worth space elevator to the moon!
I've been missing Trisha, but she's in my English class now and we talk a lot in Bio. If she gets into my group next semester, it's going to be crazy awesome. If not, the class will still be really awesome. ENGLISH RULES! I miss art classes, and this is close enough.
Sick on Sunday
I wish I could give you a hug. That seems to be a recurring theme in the our story. I really care about you, and the mere thought of you makes me feel lo
ved. Your voice is adorably timid, and I'm flattered that you sound sad. I really hope you get better soon. I love being with you, even for the short
amount of time we're able to in school. I hope this makes you at least emotionally better. I look forward to seeing you, whenever that may happen. Always
. Even if being sick is making you look like hell, you'll still be beautiful to me. Rest well.
-Jimmy,
in response to the voicemail I left him, saying that I would be unable to make our date because I was sick and didn't know if I would be in school the next day.
I am so content and full of happiness, for everything.
ved. Your voice is adorably timid, and I'm flattered that you sound sad. I really hope you get better soon. I love being with you, even for the short
amount of time we're able to in school. I hope this makes you at least emotionally better. I look forward to seeing you, whenever that may happen. Always
. Even if being sick is making you look like hell, you'll still be beautiful to me. Rest well.
-Jimmy,
in response to the voicemail I left him, saying that I would be unable to make our date because I was sick and didn't know if I would be in school the next day.
I am so content and full of happiness, for everything.
Saturday, March 21, 2009
3-20-09
It was the first day of spring, unbeknownst to me. Definitely used to be the 22nd. And yet, it was a Friday, and Jimmy and Rob were filming after school for the senior video. Drumline required my attendance at 4, and so hanging around and waiting for Jimmy was not inconvenient. Hand in hand, we walked from the glass lined hall to where Rob was sitting at the ticket booth. He questioned when we became an item, and we both jumped to the thought, "Not facebook official." (Though I said it first). Jimmy spent 25 minutes looking for the button to change his status. Before I could help him, and suggest it myself, a call to my beloved, Gina, was in order. I got my perfunctory Rita's water ice, ate some Chinese food, and selected the cellular buttons required (in the proper order) so that I could soon be speaking with the love of my open relationship. She gave her blessing and expressed happiness at my good fortune, and we had a lovely conversation. Wasiq frantically called me a few times to arrange me to pick up the buzzer system. We exchanged "winky smiley face" text messages. Jimmy and I had a fantastic phone call spanning over 80 minutes. I've never had more fun making fun of 9/11.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Blog Purge pt. 2
I looked over my other blog, devoid of quotes, and realized that while I probably wouldn't mind showing individuals a number of the posts there, it's still too personal. It's strange having secrets.
Monday, March 16, 2009
Last Letter
This is the last letter I wrote to Dave. It was hand written, and I did not send it. I wish I had given it to him.
Dear Dave,
The coming weeks will be tough, but eventually thinking about adorable memories won’t be quite so sad, and return to wistful warm and fuzzies. Sadness is only temporary and the cliché “you’re awesome and don’t need him and there will be other guys” lines aren’t really my problems. Of course I’m still awesome and independent, and yes, someday there will be someone else who will love me, I’m just going to miss you like crazy. You made my summer more special than I could have imagined, and autumn followed in a brilliant session. It’s because of you I can look at Kirk and the DAC and BYC and have real memories. Whenever I was with you, I felt so boring in comparison because you have near death stories and all around questionable escapades to speak of. However, because I was with you, I could tell other people interesting stories. Somehow dating “(not) the ninja,” sneaking out at night, being let go by the cops, and having a relationship made almost exclusively in a hammock made me seem like exciting, emotional lottery winner, and I was. You were my manicorn, and will be the man I think of for my iconic high school romance. Plus this summer also included winning a penis lollipop, tubing down the Brandywine on an inflatable, plastic whale, and going skinny-dipping. Things like that help me remember I’m awesome, even without you, though the inspiration helps.
I do not know when or why you stopped loving me, but I also don’t know how it began. In attempts to make me feel better, my friends have sullied your reputation or maybe cleared things up, but it assures beyond doubt you still care about me. Being near you there was warmth and security, and I’ll miss that, but this last decision as a couple was to protect me from further heartbreak. On a bad ending, there was the possibility that the memories that will eventually be happy ones again, would be lost. You made me profoundly happier than I’ve ever been for such a consistently wonderful time, and also gave me the most pleasant* physical feelings of my life. Any second of the wordless hour we spent together may possibly be the most beautiful moment of my life. If I ever show indifference towards you, it’s to keep myself from looking like an idiot in your presence.
Everything about our relationship was worth this heartbreak. I felt really lame because I was trying to love you without fear and comparing it to Yossarian. Nearly everyday I would recognize that someday you would not be there, and I would have to let you go. Time will pass before I can love without thinking about you, before I remember the should have been, but I can wait. I will wish we had more time together, but because of you, I know there is love, and I know that I can be loved, and that somehow, miraculously, I know I am handling this right. I will talk with you, or text sometime soon, but I want to get to a point where I think I could have the conversation without breaking down. I owe it to myself to be able to end things coherently.
You make it hard not to love you.
With love and anarcho-communism,
Chloe
Super Enormous Quote Post
So I was going to post all my quotes here, and did, and it's just too long and awful. It's 19 pages in a single spaced, 10 font, Times New Roman Word Document.
Blog Purge
I have two blogs. This one and my secret one. As of this post here, there are 108 posts in my other blog. It is where I write when I don't want anyone to see, but most of the time the things don't matter too much and the rest are quotes or notes. I'm going to remove many of the posts from there, and condense it to posts here. They will probably be word for word, although not necessarily with the title. The quotes I may make one enormous post. Cool.
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Well, I guess this is growing up...
Things are sad in Delaware again.
I hate visiting my mom, because I don't like to see the pain she is in. So often I tear myself apart for my disloyalty. I love her, but I hate so much about what she has become. It takes so much strength for her to get through a day, and she is still the opposite of everything I want to be. Although I don't particularly like 3rd to 9th graders, I'm generally enamored with other children, and will probably be a mother at some point very far in the future. In that respect, raising young children and instilling an appreciation of life, I hope to be like her. In showing her children broken humanity and medical illness, exposing us to the tragedy that comes to good people, I don't want to be for anyone. It's made us good human beings, Jack and I. Maybe not the greatest sense of Christian morals, but we know right from wrong and appreciate the simple things of life. We talk about it sometimes, in little moments of resolve. His escapism is literal escape. He's never home those weekends. It's why I started walking, my short escapes. Whenever I was angry, or frustrated at our terrible condition, I would slam the door and walk for however long it took. Once, after getting furious with Jack, I left at an hour unfit for decent humanity to be wandering the streets. He waited a few minutes and followed me until I started to come home. I didn't tell him I noticed, but when I got back, we weren't fighting anymore. "Come home" isn't very appropriate. Returned to the apartment is more accurate, because my "home" is on a piece of commercial property in Pennsylvania with a tire swing, fruit trees, and dirt basement. The first time I told my mom I was considering going to the University of Hawaii, she told me I wasn't allowed to go far away. My family cannot put a lot of financial support behind furthering my education, except that neither of them graduated college, making me a first generation, and I'll get some decent need based funding. I don't really think they should have any say in where I choose to attend. My mom pointed out that if I went to Hawaii, I wouldn't be able to come home for holidays. In retrospect, I hope I didn't say what I was thinking, because I know that I would have said, "I don't consider your house a home, and my real one will be sold out from over us, demolished, the home I grew up in, and they'll cut down the walnut tree of my love/hate relationship, and I'll never be able to put up a hammock between two trees ever again." (The fact that I have a hammock between two trees is one of the greatest aspects of having a home). If I go to college, and my dad moves, there will not be a home to return to, I will probably be in better financial situation than my mom, and Jack will be busy having his own life with "exciting" people, though I will miss him like crazy. Hating Delaware has always been a selfish thing for me, but now it's because I hate her suffering, and am not inconvenienced by the distance.
I hate visiting my mom, because I don't like to see the pain she is in. So often I tear myself apart for my disloyalty. I love her, but I hate so much about what she has become. It takes so much strength for her to get through a day, and she is still the opposite of everything I want to be. Although I don't particularly like 3rd to 9th graders, I'm generally enamored with other children, and will probably be a mother at some point very far in the future. In that respect, raising young children and instilling an appreciation of life, I hope to be like her. In showing her children broken humanity and medical illness, exposing us to the tragedy that comes to good people, I don't want to be for anyone. It's made us good human beings, Jack and I. Maybe not the greatest sense of Christian morals, but we know right from wrong and appreciate the simple things of life. We talk about it sometimes, in little moments of resolve. His escapism is literal escape. He's never home those weekends. It's why I started walking, my short escapes. Whenever I was angry, or frustrated at our terrible condition, I would slam the door and walk for however long it took. Once, after getting furious with Jack, I left at an hour unfit for decent humanity to be wandering the streets. He waited a few minutes and followed me until I started to come home. I didn't tell him I noticed, but when I got back, we weren't fighting anymore. "Come home" isn't very appropriate. Returned to the apartment is more accurate, because my "home" is on a piece of commercial property in Pennsylvania with a tire swing, fruit trees, and dirt basement. The first time I told my mom I was considering going to the University of Hawaii, she told me I wasn't allowed to go far away. My family cannot put a lot of financial support behind furthering my education, except that neither of them graduated college, making me a first generation, and I'll get some decent need based funding. I don't really think they should have any say in where I choose to attend. My mom pointed out that if I went to Hawaii, I wouldn't be able to come home for holidays. In retrospect, I hope I didn't say what I was thinking, because I know that I would have said, "I don't consider your house a home, and my real one will be sold out from over us, demolished, the home I grew up in, and they'll cut down the walnut tree of my love/hate relationship, and I'll never be able to put up a hammock between two trees ever again." (The fact that I have a hammock between two trees is one of the greatest aspects of having a home). If I go to college, and my dad moves, there will not be a home to return to, I will probably be in better financial situation than my mom, and Jack will be busy having his own life with "exciting" people, though I will miss him like crazy. Hating Delaware has always been a selfish thing for me, but now it's because I hate her suffering, and am not inconvenienced by the distance.
Friday, March 13, 2009
Friday the 13th
Jimmy and I watched two discs of arrested development. I was trying to be sneaky and get closer to him, but there were once again too many pillows. Eventually, I abandoned the sneaky and went for the hand holding. He smells wonderful and our afternoon was even better.
Monday, March 9, 2009
Today, I ate mashed potatoes and green beans from tupperware while at my laptop.
On the ride home from drumline on Saturday, Molly and I had a poke fight lasting maybe 3 minutes. During those 3 minutes, everything in my entire world was perfect.
I've always said I'd make the perfect boyfriend because I appreciate girls, know what to say, and would say it. Jimmy does too.
I tried to take my first nap in the hammock of the year, but it was too windy. It doesn't hurt to be there anymore.
Bon Iver- Stacks
Recently, while looking for the songs from the [H]ouse season finale, I read the episode summary on Wikipedia. It made me tear up a little bit. Wilson was so heartbroken.
Another song that I've been listening to recently is Tell Her This by Del Amitri. I don't think the lyrics are supposed to be for new romances, but the sound is appropriate.
Strength and Conditioning has been a great place to think. Walking on the treadmill, I can be in and out of my mind, creating beautiful analogies or simply listening.
Right now, I have set up candles, listening to Stacks, and I am going to get into my bathrobe, and go through bliss.
[edit] I think I will, from this point on, associate "All Along the Watchtower" with Watchmen and Molly.
On the ride home from drumline on Saturday, Molly and I had a poke fight lasting maybe 3 minutes. During those 3 minutes, everything in my entire world was perfect.
I've always said I'd make the perfect boyfriend because I appreciate girls, know what to say, and would say it. Jimmy does too.
I tried to take my first nap in the hammock of the year, but it was too windy. It doesn't hurt to be there anymore.
Bon Iver- Stacks
Recently, while looking for the songs from the [H]ouse season finale, I read the episode summary on Wikipedia. It made me tear up a little bit. Wilson was so heartbroken.
Another song that I've been listening to recently is Tell Her This by Del Amitri. I don't think the lyrics are supposed to be for new romances, but the sound is appropriate.
Strength and Conditioning has been a great place to think. Walking on the treadmill, I can be in and out of my mind, creating beautiful analogies or simply listening.
Right now, I have set up candles, listening to Stacks, and I am going to get into my bathrobe, and go through bliss.
[edit] I think I will, from this point on, associate "All Along the Watchtower" with Watchmen and Molly.
Sunday, March 8, 2009
Friday, March 6, 2009
Chris
My aunt Karen brought her South African boyfriend home to meet the family for the first time today. He's white, unfortunately. I tried to fall asleep before going over to grandmom's, but it didn't work out very well and mostly rendered me in a state of fuzzy thoughts. This weariness followed me into conversation. I wanted to get away and nap. Grandmom and Aunt Jeanne in the kitchen. "Menfolk" and Aunt Karen in the living room. Jack and Shannon in the freezing basement. Nobody upstairs... I went into the attic, freezing, but curious. From the top stair I could see stacks of books and bags of clothes. Books! Interesting! Well worth the cold. One particularly tattered book was beat up and faded. It was a soldier's handbook. The front sticker still had my Uncle Chris' name and code number on it. Echo #215. I hesitantly picked it up. On the back was poetry. On the inside cover there was poetry. War is not the place for a poet, and his words make that clear. It makes me sad.
Sunday, March 1, 2009
:]
He likes me back and we phrase things so peculiarly and it makes me so stupidly happy I forget to say something with ridiculous phrasing.
I feel silly and I like it.
I feel silly and I like it.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
words
the riots
Carson McCullers
congrats, Chinaski
me and Faulkner
having the flu and with nothing else to do
it was just a little while ago
what makes?
three oranges
rhyming poem:
the crunch
what can we do?
a dead romance
dark night poem
Carson McCullers
congrats, Chinaski
me and Faulkner
having the flu and with nothing else to do
it was just a little while ago
what makes?
three oranges
rhyming poem:
the crunch
what can we do?
a dead romance
dark night poem
Saturday's Adventure Story as Related to Gina
August Coup: Gina, my love
I have something to tell you
samwiserox13: chlooeeeeee
Auto response from August Coup: eatin' food
but Jimmy likes me back
and I'm really happy
!!!! =D
:D
awwwwwww i'm so happy for you! that's awesome
mmhm
hehehehe how did you find out??
we're both reeally awkward
well
I sent him a letter
confessing I was madly in like with him
but I didn't use enough postage
and kept asking him if it got there yet
so then yesterday
I was out walking
and he texted me will I ever know the contents of the lost letter
so I texted back, "It was more artfully presented in the letter, but I am positively madly in like with you."
and then he replied
"That's probably the most adorable phrase I've ever heard, and it's a perfect way to say it. That's good, because I think I'm madly in like with you too. [pirate smiley AIM icon]"
=D
except not a pirate
:D
hahahaha aawwwwwww
and so then I stopped walking
and started floating
and skipping a little
XD
teeheehee
and all was wonderful
awww i'm so happy =D
and we had an awkward hug today
but it was nice
:D
hahaha that's cute =)
I know we just celebrated 3 months in our open relationship, but it'll be one year May 3rd
and Jimmy's okay with us being secret lovers
ahahaha well cool =P
i'm glad we have his approval
though it totally wouldn't matter
:P
[winky/kissy pirate smiley icon goes here]
I love winky kissy pirate smiley
heheheh yeah let me know if you ever need your facebook status back because i will gladly relinquish my my hold on it for your being happy XD
aw
thank you, darling
:)
mmhmmm *huuuuugs*
*Huuuuugs and squee*
heeheehee you get a real one on saturday (!)
hopefully
if all goes well XD
I'm so excited
finally
a real corp
!!!
also
I have a story
it's an adventure story
about a booty call
so Saturday at our first show
there was a really hot tenor kid
who looked like a Beatle
and he bent over to pick up his quads
and I turned to Stasi and said, "That kid has the most beautiful ass!"
she was just going to say the same thing
ahahahaha
so we checked him out later 'cuz they sat next to us
and then we talked about it in the girl's room
and a lady came up to us and asked us about it
and she said she was Downingtown's bus driver
XD
and she could get us his name
so I followed her to their bus
and then had to go
so I gave her my name and number to give to him
and then on the bus
perfect. lol
I got a phone call
from my brother
which sucked
but THEN!
!!!!!!
a phone call from a restricted number!!!
!!!!
SUSPENSE
So I answered, "Hi, this is Chloe. Are you the hot tenor kid from Downingtown?"
and he said, "No, this is me."
and I went
"NOOOOOOOOO! JIMMY NO!"
OH NO!
"
but it wasn't Jimmy
!!!!!!!!! oh NOOO
oh
it was Alex Morris
calling from the bus
hahahahahahahaha
and I laughed
what the hell alex morris XD
and cried
and was relieved
it was hilarious
all at the same time
hahahaha
yes
so THEN
A REAL PHONE CALL!
from the Downingtown tenor
and I answered in the same way
!!!!!
hahahahahaha
and we talked for maybe 3 minutes
that's hilarious lol
until his "boyfriend" came on the phone asking why I was asking about his "boy" being available
so then he and I talked for 4 minutes
and I said some lewd things
oh
and by the way
hahahahahahahah
I was sitting four seats behind all of the instructors who were listening
so Tom came over
next to me
oh tom. lol
and told me to ask him questions
and then halfway through the call
XD
Zack rightfully accused me of making a booty call
after the other kid hung up on me
Katie Capasso came back to where I was sitting
and said, "Their instructor just texted me..."
and she forwarded it
and it said, "which one of your girls is trying to hook up with our tenor player?"
and it was hilarious
ahahahahah that's hilarious
and it's saved forever
i can just picture katie
and then she high fived me
hahahah that's really funny
and I laughed and laughed and laughed
and everyone applauded
oh drumline.
hahahahaha
it was AWESOME
great night
sounds it XD
i'm jealous i wasn't there
sounds like a great time =P
I have to eat dinner, my love, you will be there for the stories on Saturday, but most likely, you will be the story
awwwww =P
I miss you mucho!
you're adorable
miss you too!!!
:D
<3
byeeeeee!
I have something to tell you
samwiserox13: chlooeeeeee
Auto response from August Coup: eatin' food
but Jimmy likes me back
and I'm really happy
!!!! =D
:D
awwwwwww i'm so happy for you! that's awesome
mmhm
hehehehe how did you find out??
we're both reeally awkward
well
I sent him a letter
confessing I was madly in like with him
but I didn't use enough postage
and kept asking him if it got there yet
so then yesterday
I was out walking
and he texted me will I ever know the contents of the lost letter
so I texted back, "It was more artfully presented in the letter, but I am positively madly in like with you."
and then he replied
"That's probably the most adorable phrase I've ever heard, and it's a perfect way to say it. That's good, because I think I'm madly in like with you too. [pirate smiley AIM icon]"
=D
except not a pirate
:D
hahahaha aawwwwwww
and so then I stopped walking
and started floating
and skipping a little
XD
teeheehee
and all was wonderful
awww i'm so happy =D
and we had an awkward hug today
but it was nice
:D
hahaha that's cute =)
I know we just celebrated 3 months in our open relationship, but it'll be one year May 3rd
and Jimmy's okay with us being secret lovers
ahahaha well cool =P
i'm glad we have his approval
though it totally wouldn't matter
:P
[winky/kissy pirate smiley icon goes here]
I love winky kissy pirate smiley
heheheh yeah let me know if you ever need your facebook status back because i will gladly relinquish my my hold on it for your being happy XD
aw
thank you, darling
:)
mmhmmm *huuuuugs*
*Huuuuugs and squee*
heeheehee you get a real one on saturday (!)
hopefully
if all goes well XD
I'm so excited
finally
a real corp
!!!
also
I have a story
it's an adventure story
about a booty call
so Saturday at our first show
there was a really hot tenor kid
who looked like a Beatle
and he bent over to pick up his quads
and I turned to Stasi and said, "That kid has the most beautiful ass!"
she was just going to say the same thing
ahahahaha
so we checked him out later 'cuz they sat next to us
and then we talked about it in the girl's room
and a lady came up to us and asked us about it
and she said she was Downingtown's bus driver
XD
and she could get us his name
so I followed her to their bus
and then had to go
so I gave her my name and number to give to him
and then on the bus
perfect. lol
I got a phone call
from my brother
which sucked
but THEN!
!!!!!!
a phone call from a restricted number!!!
!!!!
SUSPENSE
So I answered, "Hi, this is Chloe. Are you the hot tenor kid from Downingtown?"
and he said, "No, this is me."
and I went
"NOOOOOOOOO! JIMMY NO!"
OH NO!
"
but it wasn't Jimmy
!!!!!!!!! oh NOOO
oh
it was Alex Morris
calling from the bus
hahahahahahahaha
and I laughed
what the hell alex morris XD
and cried
and was relieved
it was hilarious
all at the same time
hahahaha
yes
so THEN
A REAL PHONE CALL!
from the Downingtown tenor
and I answered in the same way
!!!!!
hahahahahaha
and we talked for maybe 3 minutes
that's hilarious lol
until his "boyfriend" came on the phone asking why I was asking about his "boy" being available
so then he and I talked for 4 minutes
and I said some lewd things
oh
and by the way
hahahahahahahah
I was sitting four seats behind all of the instructors who were listening
so Tom came over
next to me
oh tom. lol
and told me to ask him questions
and then halfway through the call
XD
Zack rightfully accused me of making a booty call
after the other kid hung up on me
Katie Capasso came back to where I was sitting
and said, "Their instructor just texted me..."
and she forwarded it
and it said, "which one of your girls is trying to hook up with our tenor player?"
and it was hilarious
ahahahahah that's hilarious
and it's saved forever
i can just picture katie
and then she high fived me
hahahah that's really funny
and I laughed and laughed and laughed
and everyone applauded
oh drumline.
hahahahaha
it was AWESOME
great night
sounds it XD
i'm jealous i wasn't there
sounds like a great time =P
I have to eat dinner, my love, you will be there for the stories on Saturday, but most likely, you will be the story
awwwww =P
I miss you mucho!
you're adorable
miss you too!!!
:D
<3
byeeeeee!
Erase Message?
Alright then. I'm really glad you're home, and I'll be happier when I get to see you tomorrow. Goodnight, Chloe. I love you so much and will only continue to love you more. Sleep well and dream better. :] <3 <3
Yes
I love you I love you I love you I love you I love yooooouuuuu! :D
Yes
You make me so happy all the time. It's almost worthless to say because words don't do it any justice. But either way I feel like I need to say how much you mean to me.
Yes
I know. Me too. It would've been nice I think. That was the best wordless hour I've had in probably forever. I love spending time with you so much. <3 :]
Yes
I can't get enough of that goofy grin. :] Get that much needed rest. Have awesome dreams and I'll see you tomorrow one way or another. I love you. <3 xoxo
Yes
Tuxeuffblllehhph. :P
Yes
I don't mean to be impatient for a response but I'm really tired. Busy afternoon I guess. I'll see you tomorrow morning. Thanks for everything you've done to make me the happiest dude in the state. :] Sleep well and sweet dreams, Chloe. I love you. <3
Yes
(Not literally at the moment, because right now I'm at my house and you're at your house...)
Yes
I don't care what people think any more now than I ever have in the past. Probably less actually, because I have everything I cold want at the moment.
Yes
Haha I thought the same thing but didn't want to be super lame! You complete me! :D I also heard many Is and Ss.
Yes
You have every right to high self-esteem. It's a shame to think you might have once upon a time had issues there. I've always known you're smart, and this year I found out how funny you are, and I can't believe it took me until recently to realize that you're fucking beautiful. It's an A+ combination.
Yes
I haven't been nearly this content in a really long time. You make me feel so awesome Chloe. I can't explain it any better than that. I know I've said it before but you just keep reminding me.
Yes
You make me very happy, Chloe Glynn. I'm not sure what is prompting this statement but it's true. I'm so glad we started hanging out this summer. :]
Yes
Haha I definitely give Capitalism and my being the son of a middle class white male props for this one. But those are isolated and are not meant to be taken out of context. Also, in feeling retrospective, I can't believe I let you turn me into a Communist.
Yes
It's all sounding great. I'm flattered that you'd like to do boring things with my future mentally handicapped self instead of something fun. Even if I won't remember any of the unspeakable things you could get away with doing to me.
Yes
Your name was just carved into a big house's new cement driveway next to mine and the date. :D
-July 28th
Yes
I was just guitar dueting with my uncle. We played wish you were here. Then i got sad. It was really cool though.
Yes
:] <3
Yes
Even prettier than before. Wish you were here.
Yes
Beautiful.
Yes
Dance!
Yes
Yeah i had a blast too. You're making this summer fantastic for me. Have a safe ride down to NC. I'll hope to hear from you soon. Sleep well. Goodnight <3 ;)
Yes
Dude same here. Its gettin tough. And I think different circles is probably right. Gotta change that. I'm willing to hang with band kids to get to you :D
Yes
Haha me neither. Anyway, definitely a solid several days. I'm really liking hanging out with you. Why haven't we in the past?
Yes
It hurt so much. I cried. I wrote them down, then went through and deleted all of them before I could change my mind.
Yes
I love you I love you I love you I love you I love yooooouuuuu! :D
Yes
You make me so happy all the time. It's almost worthless to say because words don't do it any justice. But either way I feel like I need to say how much you mean to me.
Yes
I know. Me too. It would've been nice I think. That was the best wordless hour I've had in probably forever. I love spending time with you so much. <3 :]
Yes
I can't get enough of that goofy grin. :] Get that much needed rest. Have awesome dreams and I'll see you tomorrow one way or another. I love you. <3 xoxo
Yes
Tuxeuffblllehhph. :P
Yes
I don't mean to be impatient for a response but I'm really tired. Busy afternoon I guess. I'll see you tomorrow morning. Thanks for everything you've done to make me the happiest dude in the state. :] Sleep well and sweet dreams, Chloe. I love you. <3
Yes
(Not literally at the moment, because right now I'm at my house and you're at your house...)
Yes
I don't care what people think any more now than I ever have in the past. Probably less actually, because I have everything I cold want at the moment.
Yes
Haha I thought the same thing but didn't want to be super lame! You complete me! :D I also heard many Is and Ss.
Yes
You have every right to high self-esteem. It's a shame to think you might have once upon a time had issues there. I've always known you're smart, and this year I found out how funny you are, and I can't believe it took me until recently to realize that you're fucking beautiful. It's an A+ combination.
Yes
I haven't been nearly this content in a really long time. You make me feel so awesome Chloe. I can't explain it any better than that. I know I've said it before but you just keep reminding me.
Yes
You make me very happy, Chloe Glynn. I'm not sure what is prompting this statement but it's true. I'm so glad we started hanging out this summer. :]
Yes
Haha I definitely give Capitalism and my being the son of a middle class white male props for this one. But those are isolated and are not meant to be taken out of context. Also, in feeling retrospective, I can't believe I let you turn me into a Communist.
Yes
It's all sounding great. I'm flattered that you'd like to do boring things with my future mentally handicapped self instead of something fun. Even if I won't remember any of the unspeakable things you could get away with doing to me.
Yes
Your name was just carved into a big house's new cement driveway next to mine and the date. :D
-July 28th
Yes
I was just guitar dueting with my uncle. We played wish you were here. Then i got sad. It was really cool though.
Yes
:] <3
Yes
Even prettier than before. Wish you were here.
Yes
Beautiful.
Yes
Dance!
Yes
Yeah i had a blast too. You're making this summer fantastic for me. Have a safe ride down to NC. I'll hope to hear from you soon. Sleep well. Goodnight <3 ;)
Yes
Dude same here. Its gettin tough. And I think different circles is probably right. Gotta change that. I'm willing to hang with band kids to get to you :D
Yes
Haha me neither. Anyway, definitely a solid several days. I'm really liking hanging out with you. Why haven't we in the past?
Yes
It hurt so much. I cried. I wrote them down, then went through and deleted all of them before I could change my mind.
Sunday, February 22, 2009
I Kissed a Girl
The worst part of this song has nothing to do with sexuality, but the fact that Katy Perry used the other girl.
"No, I don't even know your name
It doesn't matter,
You're my experimental game
Just human nature..."
It doesn't matter,
You're my experimental game
Just human nature..."
It required human interaction. The owner of cherry chap-stick kissed a girl too. Perry was a little drunk. Was the other girl? I wonder how she felt. It reminds me of Frankenstein. This is how asshole boys are supposed to feel.
Friday, February 20, 2009
I Love the Whole World
Thursday, February 19, 2009
"Powerless"
We were alone. We were lost and naïve and dying. We were the Power Rangers. Physical death, an end to our bodies, never imposed itself as an object of fear. With the reckless abandon of youth, we consistently subjected ourselves to close proximity with that specter of doom. We were just children, desperate to become a perfect embodiment of everything beautiful and safe in the world. Teenagers, selected by some alien force we did not understand to protect our fragile world from the evils of intergalactic imperialism, eager with youthful idealism to become forces of good and the stainless heroes of childhoods lost. And yet, slowly, everything we strove so diligently to protect and sanctify began to negate our existence. We allowed ourselves to become ideas. We ceased to exist as humans, fallible and capable of fear.
With stupid, naïve trust we removed the duty of protecting and caring for our lives from the incompetent hands of our parents, and into the cold technology we did not understand. It was a kind of magic to us, the science. The machines were devoid of the emotional failures of our parents, mothers and fathers, families, and things dreamed of suffered from. Our “families” had abandoned us in a startling reality. Selling our childhoods for their own safety, they betrayed us to a scathing world and bound us to protect it. Despite their brilliant logic and ceaseless calculations, the machines eventually exposed their fallibility. Thus was our twisted fall into adulthood. Everything will break, heart and body included. Our resentment was understandable, even reasonable.
Extravagant villains plagued Angel Grove like locusts, a common occurrence and ordinary experience for us Power Rangers. Ivan Ooze, a vile creature from an ancient past formed from foul primeval filth, was unlike the thoughtless antagonists of previous encounters. The machines guarded the interests of innocent citizens against “bad guys,“ such as these, before the welfare of their own existence. Zordon was the seemingly infinite being whose wisdom and obligations controlled our destiny. The first time we fought the minions of Ivan Ooze was at the direction of Zordon. He told us to leave him, to go out into the city, and protect its inhabitants. In our absence, Ooze himself entered our command center, and the source of our powers. Ravaging the wires and circuit like some demented flood, he destroyed not only the life support of our powers, but of Zordon. Instantly, the suits, weapons, and abilities granted us by alien intervention vanished.
The brave commander had died. The “brave commander” had orphaned us, powerless against the evils of the world. It was “a calculated risk.” If his machines calculated the worth of citizen’s lives against our own, we would obey as child slaves incapable of free will. Billy, the stereotypically nerd, once recited to us, “When a man cannot choose, he ceases to be a man.” He had realized before all of us that we had no control in the decisions of our life. Whether to laugh, cry, reject our responsibilities, or fall hopelessly, madly in love had not been our choice. Zordon had managed every aspect of our developing adolescence. Zordon, omnipotent, infallible Zordon had failed to protect himself, and doing so, failed to protect us. Yet somehow, paradoxically, the responsibilities that had forced us to abandon our childhoods and assume the role of hero, a title we believed only adults could hold, had prevented us from ever really “growing up.” The “Power Rangers” were infallible. We were not, but the blinding perfection of childhood ideals masked our faults. Zordon’s power had protected us from physical harm, and protected us from making mistakes. Upon his death, we floundered in the magnificent void of freedom.
With stupid, naïve trust we removed the duty of protecting and caring for our lives from the incompetent hands of our parents, and into the cold technology we did not understand. It was a kind of magic to us, the science. The machines were devoid of the emotional failures of our parents, mothers and fathers, families, and things dreamed of suffered from. Our “families” had abandoned us in a startling reality. Selling our childhoods for their own safety, they betrayed us to a scathing world and bound us to protect it. Despite their brilliant logic and ceaseless calculations, the machines eventually exposed their fallibility. Thus was our twisted fall into adulthood. Everything will break, heart and body included. Our resentment was understandable, even reasonable.
Extravagant villains plagued Angel Grove like locusts, a common occurrence and ordinary experience for us Power Rangers. Ivan Ooze, a vile creature from an ancient past formed from foul primeval filth, was unlike the thoughtless antagonists of previous encounters. The machines guarded the interests of innocent citizens against “bad guys,“ such as these, before the welfare of their own existence. Zordon was the seemingly infinite being whose wisdom and obligations controlled our destiny. The first time we fought the minions of Ivan Ooze was at the direction of Zordon. He told us to leave him, to go out into the city, and protect its inhabitants. In our absence, Ooze himself entered our command center, and the source of our powers. Ravaging the wires and circuit like some demented flood, he destroyed not only the life support of our powers, but of Zordon. Instantly, the suits, weapons, and abilities granted us by alien intervention vanished.
The brave commander had died. The “brave commander” had orphaned us, powerless against the evils of the world. It was “a calculated risk.” If his machines calculated the worth of citizen’s lives against our own, we would obey as child slaves incapable of free will. Billy, the stereotypically nerd, once recited to us, “When a man cannot choose, he ceases to be a man.” He had realized before all of us that we had no control in the decisions of our life. Whether to laugh, cry, reject our responsibilities, or fall hopelessly, madly in love had not been our choice. Zordon had managed every aspect of our developing adolescence. Zordon, omnipotent, infallible Zordon had failed to protect himself, and doing so, failed to protect us. Yet somehow, paradoxically, the responsibilities that had forced us to abandon our childhoods and assume the role of hero, a title we believed only adults could hold, had prevented us from ever really “growing up.” The “Power Rangers” were infallible. We were not, but the blinding perfection of childhood ideals masked our faults. Zordon’s power had protected us from physical harm, and protected us from making mistakes. Upon his death, we floundered in the magnificent void of freedom.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Madly in Like
It's not a fake stalker crush anymore. He makes me feel squishy and warm inside and his unique humor forces me to be witty again. I don't know what I expect to gain, except that I know I want to hold his hand. He called me from Hawaii every day to endless laughter and easy chatting.
In English class, a great number of our conversations become personal "confessions" that would otherwise never come up. Listening to Dave's stories, though I love and admire his dispassionate logic (jealous to no end), my life is touched with the brilliant and devastating fire of emotion. Our days of eternal summer and glorious autumn will remain bittersweet memories of perfect, innocent romance, but they are the last of anything between us. I can love him and his life without wanting to be near it. It is sweet release.
In English class, a great number of our conversations become personal "confessions" that would otherwise never come up. Listening to Dave's stories, though I love and admire his dispassionate logic (jealous to no end), my life is touched with the brilliant and devastating fire of emotion. Our days of eternal summer and glorious autumn will remain bittersweet memories of perfect, innocent romance, but they are the last of anything between us. I can love him and his life without wanting to be near it. It is sweet release.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Recent Texts Worthy of Much Remembering
You know, I think I'll take you up on the cookie baking extravaganza sometime :D
-Jimmy
[picture] Doesn't matter! iWin!
-Matt
I know, It's so exciting to find a functional family that likes each other when yours isn't like that o_O you and molly are a cute friend couple lol
-Jeff, on my super duper Valentine's
Dude. you rob and jimmy are all fucking awesome. like, seriously.
-Jeff
Hahaha okay. Thanks. He was a wrestler, he wrestled with heroin and a shotgun and he didnt win
-Steve
I hope you dont get smited Chloe.
-Steve
Now your just giving Jesus ideas. He could kill two birds with one lightning bolt, or a flood or a drunk guy in an SUV
-Steve, on the observance that my smiting would serve example to any of my communist conspirators
A homeless (and assumedly gay) man just tried to pick me up. God bless this state!
-Jimmy
He mostly ogled me and asked me 'How much for that ass.' pretty straghtforward.
-Jimmy, when asked, "What pick up methods did he use?"
I'm madly in like with Jimmy.
-me
-Jimmy
[picture] Doesn't matter! iWin!
-Matt
I know, It's so exciting to find a functional family that likes each other when yours isn't like that o_O you and molly are a cute friend couple lol
-Jeff, on my super duper Valentine's
Dude. you rob and jimmy are all fucking awesome. like, seriously.
-Jeff
Hahaha okay. Thanks. He was a wrestler, he wrestled with heroin and a shotgun and he didnt win
-Steve
I hope you dont get smited Chloe.
-Steve
Now your just giving Jesus ideas. He could kill two birds with one lightning bolt, or a flood or a drunk guy in an SUV
-Steve, on the observance that my smiting would serve example to any of my communist conspirators
A homeless (and assumedly gay) man just tried to pick me up. God bless this state!
-Jimmy
He mostly ogled me and asked me 'How much for that ass.' pretty straghtforward.
-Jimmy, when asked, "What pick up methods did he use?"
I'm madly in like with Jimmy.
-me
Sunday, February 15, 2009
PostSecret
I hope whoever got this appreciated it more than anything else in the world.
[edit] Why this should be mine:
1. I don't want the love to have vanished.
2. The last time he told me he loved me in person he said, "I love you so much."
3. While breaking up with me, his exact words were, "I felt like it was going to end and I don't want you to be a 'fuck and chuck.'"
4. It's perfect for my situation.
[edit] Why this should be mine:
1. I don't want the love to have vanished.
2. The last time he told me he loved me in person he said, "I love you so much."
3. While breaking up with me, his exact words were, "I felt like it was going to end and I don't want you to be a 'fuck and chuck.'"
4. It's perfect for my situation.
Friday, February 13, 2009
Filming, final day
Jimmy's final product has to be sent out today and the post office closes in 7 minutes. I hope he makes it. I got to Jimmy's around 12:20 and he was still in the shower. His mom and I talked for a few minutes, when he finally came down. If he wins the scholarship Mrs. A will take us all out for dinner. He showed me the edited product from yesterday's adventure, which was a tiny bit hilarious on several accounts. In the original film, Rob played the protagonist, but then he was busy and Eric P. replaced him. Then Eric quit and Rob was in again. However, by that time, Jimmy had already shot Rob in two others scenes that seriously force the audience to question whether or not he has a twin and/or can teleport. Music is absolutely beyond melodramatic, and some of the scenes are goofy beyond expression. Also, the ending is a total cop out due to lack of CGI magic. However, though I could never be an actress, I enjoyed it a lot. Rob came up, we watched again, realized a few more holes in continuity, but whatever. The light effects on the slow motion running scenes look brilliant, even if slow-mo is a tad unnecessary.
The only scene we had to film in the house was a phone call and experiencing the earthquake. After taking minutes generating random names on the census bureau, one came up already with the first name "Rosie" so we stole the last name, "Davila" and programmed it into Rob's phone so caller ID would show up. Jimmy left Fouraker's tripod at school, thinking we'd have to come back today, as well as his better tripod. Using his crappy one that threatened to fall off his kitchen table and smash through a glass door, he shot Rob's phone vibrating on his wooden table. CONTINUITY ERROR!
After mild revision, my phone call wakes up Ben, but he fell asleep on the couch, not near the kitchen table, so we had to reshoot it with the phone standing up so the caller ID would show up. Then comes the issue that in the script he says he's already had Pop Tarts for breakfast, but I just woke him up. Jimmy wanted to conveniently and inexplicably place the package of Pop Tarts upright on the little table where Ben fell sleep. That doesn't make any reasonable sense in the least. The solution was to place an opened pack of Pop Tarts next to the couch for him to find and devour. Yay! But on the topic of placing completely unnecessary objects on that little side table, Jimmy went to go find a book, or something that would suggest Ben is getting ready for school. "I've got to have some kind of learning book around here..." Jimmy mumbled wandering off. "Learning book?! What the hell is a learning book?! What a stupid dick I am!" The idea was abandoned. Scene finished.
Oh no, I have to experience the earthquake and look like an idiot. In my scene, I call Ben, while making tea, and then fall over and freak out. It was sometime during this scene that Alexa decided to come down and make Hot Pockets for a few minutes. Following that, I have some wonderful visual humor, and upon flinging myself onto the floor, drop my phone. Now, my phone suffers from spontaneous battery ejection, and thought continuing a conversation with a busted phone wouldn't look so great. Mr. Shiller had some old phones he gave to Jimmy, which were in far worse a state than mine, i.e. "flipping the phone open would result in having two halves of a phone." For no particular reason, Rob decided that the earthquake had struck him too, so he fell over and began sliding around the linoleum floor until he hit carpet. Eventually, we got the scene finished.
Rob gave me a ride home, and managed to open a can of coke with his teeth while driving. Although he may eventually lose his teeth, it was an impressive display of skillful maneuvering and I told him so. It was a very pleasant day of filming and I hope Jimmy wins.
The only scene we had to film in the house was a phone call and experiencing the earthquake. After taking minutes generating random names on the census bureau, one came up already with the first name "Rosie" so we stole the last name, "Davila" and programmed it into Rob's phone so caller ID would show up. Jimmy left Fouraker's tripod at school, thinking we'd have to come back today, as well as his better tripod. Using his crappy one that threatened to fall off his kitchen table and smash through a glass door, he shot Rob's phone vibrating on his wooden table. CONTINUITY ERROR!
After mild revision, my phone call wakes up Ben, but he fell asleep on the couch, not near the kitchen table, so we had to reshoot it with the phone standing up so the caller ID would show up. Then comes the issue that in the script he says he's already had Pop Tarts for breakfast, but I just woke him up. Jimmy wanted to conveniently and inexplicably place the package of Pop Tarts upright on the little table where Ben fell sleep. That doesn't make any reasonable sense in the least. The solution was to place an opened pack of Pop Tarts next to the couch for him to find and devour. Yay! But on the topic of placing completely unnecessary objects on that little side table, Jimmy went to go find a book, or something that would suggest Ben is getting ready for school. "I've got to have some kind of learning book around here..." Jimmy mumbled wandering off. "Learning book?! What the hell is a learning book?! What a stupid dick I am!" The idea was abandoned. Scene finished.
Oh no, I have to experience the earthquake and look like an idiot. In my scene, I call Ben, while making tea, and then fall over and freak out. It was sometime during this scene that Alexa decided to come down and make Hot Pockets for a few minutes. Following that, I have some wonderful visual humor, and upon flinging myself onto the floor, drop my phone. Now, my phone suffers from spontaneous battery ejection, and thought continuing a conversation with a busted phone wouldn't look so great. Mr. Shiller had some old phones he gave to Jimmy, which were in far worse a state than mine, i.e. "flipping the phone open would result in having two halves of a phone." For no particular reason, Rob decided that the earthquake had struck him too, so he fell over and began sliding around the linoleum floor until he hit carpet. Eventually, we got the scene finished.
Rob gave me a ride home, and managed to open a can of coke with his teeth while driving. Although he may eventually lose his teeth, it was an impressive display of skillful maneuvering and I told him so. It was a very pleasant day of filming and I hope Jimmy wins.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Filming, 2/12/09
I have spent three years in this damned building and still cannot conceive of where classrooms are hidden. Jimmy told me to meet him in B202. That room is Mrs. McGraw's room, and the upstairs computer lab. And lucky for me, Rob and Alexa found me vaguely wandering the 1st floor B-wing, not entirely close to the stairs. Having had 2 bottles of water since 3rd lunch, I had to go to the bathroom. However, after 2:40 or so, every single bathroom in the entire school is under lock and key. However, however, teachers have keys and Jimmy's got connections.
The first shot, Jimmy did an outside vertical building shot of Rob and I peeking out a window and discussing the possibility of jumping out said window. My character complains that it's 20 feet and is not jumping out a window. Rob's wants to build a rope ladder. Filming adjustments required that we repeat the scene 3 times or so. During what should have been the final one, Mrs. McGraw realized what we were talking about and instructed us that we were not allowed to jump out of the window. Much hilariosity ensued, and we repeated the scene after relating the story and apologizing to Jimmy. Shooting the final scene, at the same point, she repeated with more emphasis that we were definitely not allowed to jump out of a window. Jimmy laughed and said we were good enough.
After arriving inside, Mrs. McGraw told us that some day two years ago, the Great Francis Tracy oversaw a class where, while raining, a student lept from the very window we were filming at and ran home. The scene had to be done from approximately 6 inside angles which went fairly well.
Next came super awesome hallway rejoicing scene! The characters, Ben and Rose, have some sort of unexpressed relationship. Earlier in the script, in a scene which has yet to be shot, Rose calls Ben and begins to say, "Ben, listen... I-" but is cut short. The tone of that sentence is probably the most important clue to their relationship. Did she want to break up? Is she saying "I love you" for the first time? Is it, "want to go to Panera's after school?" It's should be said how Jimmy wants, but he "has no idea" and it's vague enough that I had no idea where the characters were in their relationship, though it is positive. After "the catastrophe" happens at school, they run out of their respective locations to find the school empty, but each other "to much rejoicing," as written in script. Asking Jimmy how much "rejoicing" should take place, and demonstrating an Anchorman "freeze frame, legs tucked jump," he reiterated he had no idea.
"Like, a hug? An awkward hug?" I asked, "High five?"
"Strip down and have sex?" Rob suggested.
"Don't you even not know each other?" Jimmy asked, inquiring of Rob and I.
"Well, yeah, but the characters do." Was my astute observation.
"You two are awful. Just make it up. No stripping."
A regular hug was decided upon, and much rejoicing occurred. Much rejoicing also occurred when Rob found the most excellent, "Party Locker."
The characters, Ben and Rose, were in separate places when the event happened. Ben was in the guy's room, washing up, tripping, and ripping a paper towel. I was not needed during this scene, and decided to practice my "shake, rumble, trip" scenario for the next scene in the empty hallway. The German teacher came out while I was seemingly throwing myself at the ground in a locker bay completely devoid of people. *sigh* She left, then I resumed. Then a janitor came out. I stopped and sat down to wait. They almost used all of the paper in the towel dispenser.
Now my solo scene during the rumble. There is a copy machine in the teacher's lounge upstairs, which is what I was doing while separated. The Pepsi machine does not have real Pepsi in it. There is a gallon of Dutch Chocolate ice cream in the fridge growing hair, and a gallon of Vanilla we did not investigate. Their closet will close, but lock on itself. Experimental data was thought of to verify the warning's claim, but decided against. Jimmy left the shot list in the bathroom during Rob's scene. So to "copy stuff," I used a random paper lying around with Markie, my brother's ex girlfriend,'s name on it. I looked awful crawling around, pretending there was an earthquake, but I did get to eat a powdered donut in the teacher's lounge.
During the Guitar Hero 3 Tournament on Friday, Jimmy filmed Steve and Susan leaving the building in the wooden room with the "Not Creative Enough" mural, which is actually, in fact, a girl, and not a guy. The sun was perfect, and it wound up being a beautiful shot of sunlight streaming onto the reflective tile floors and silhouetting their forms. Wanting to capture that light effect again, Jimmy decided that Rob and I would epically exit the building during sunset, with the sun falling about us and casting shadows across the hall. It was during this time, Rob found another unlocked locker, this time, oddly enough, Markie's. Interrupted by Twilight School kids, it didn't seriously delay our epic running scenes.
Today was really fucking windy. The "last" scene occurs outside, after we have escaped the building. During "the epic running scenes," Rob and I would go to the double doors and push them open, to have gusts of wind scatter incredible quantities of dust everywhere. That wind didn't stop, but gives dramatic effect to our ecstatic, thankful running from the school. Having to film the last scene outside, Jimmy and Rob went outside, and I was supposed to follow, but had been behind a bit. Luckily, before exiting the building, I realized the doors would be locked if we attempted to return. A rock was procured for door propping services. Leaving, a joyous embrace occurs between Ben and Rose. Rob smells nice and I miss hugs.
Filming out of order:
Remember the rope ladder idea from earlier? I will leave it a surprise what we initially use to try to get out. However, the singular scene of me gloating took well over 40 minutes because we consistently became distracted by such distant conversations as "My mom ruined Titanic for me," which set up an Opus and Anthony joke, which was interrupted by Mrs. McGraw asking about who they were, continued into Jimmy berating her for interrupting him, she accusing him of always being mean to her because she never responds angrily, him agreeing, and finishing, his one line, somewhat funny joke. It was now around 6:10 and we had kept Mrs. McGraw and her daughter for far too long.
Rob gave Jimmy and me a ride home. It was a very pleasant, very enjoyable experience, and I told Rob he smells nice. I think Jimmy was indignant.
Notes on the Film:
It's about an earthquake.
Eric P. was originally scripted to play "Ben."
My character's name is Rose.
When I volunteered for this, I assumed I'd be "Girl #2" or something.
Jimmy and Rob are hilarious.
Rob smells nice.
Jimmy might too.
I don't know.
Jimmy didn't get his candy gram.
:(
During filming I met 3 teachers I had previously only known as names.
Mrs. McGraw's daughter told Jimmy she was 6.
Jimmy acknowledged that.
Jimmy does not know anything about kids.
She is 11.
The first shot, Jimmy did an outside vertical building shot of Rob and I peeking out a window and discussing the possibility of jumping out said window. My character complains that it's 20 feet and is not jumping out a window. Rob's wants to build a rope ladder. Filming adjustments required that we repeat the scene 3 times or so. During what should have been the final one, Mrs. McGraw realized what we were talking about and instructed us that we were not allowed to jump out of the window. Much hilariosity ensued, and we repeated the scene after relating the story and apologizing to Jimmy. Shooting the final scene, at the same point, she repeated with more emphasis that we were definitely not allowed to jump out of a window. Jimmy laughed and said we were good enough.
After arriving inside, Mrs. McGraw told us that some day two years ago, the Great Francis Tracy oversaw a class where, while raining, a student lept from the very window we were filming at and ran home. The scene had to be done from approximately 6 inside angles which went fairly well.
Next came super awesome hallway rejoicing scene! The characters, Ben and Rose, have some sort of unexpressed relationship. Earlier in the script, in a scene which has yet to be shot, Rose calls Ben and begins to say, "Ben, listen... I-" but is cut short. The tone of that sentence is probably the most important clue to their relationship. Did she want to break up? Is she saying "I love you" for the first time? Is it, "want to go to Panera's after school?" It's should be said how Jimmy wants, but he "has no idea" and it's vague enough that I had no idea where the characters were in their relationship, though it is positive. After "the catastrophe" happens at school, they run out of their respective locations to find the school empty, but each other "to much rejoicing," as written in script. Asking Jimmy how much "rejoicing" should take place, and demonstrating an Anchorman "freeze frame, legs tucked jump," he reiterated he had no idea.
"Like, a hug? An awkward hug?" I asked, "High five?"
"Strip down and have sex?" Rob suggested.
"Don't you even not know each other?" Jimmy asked, inquiring of Rob and I.
"Well, yeah, but the characters do." Was my astute observation.
"You two are awful. Just make it up. No stripping."
A regular hug was decided upon, and much rejoicing occurred. Much rejoicing also occurred when Rob found the most excellent, "Party Locker."
The characters, Ben and Rose, were in separate places when the event happened. Ben was in the guy's room, washing up, tripping, and ripping a paper towel. I was not needed during this scene, and decided to practice my "shake, rumble, trip" scenario for the next scene in the empty hallway. The German teacher came out while I was seemingly throwing myself at the ground in a locker bay completely devoid of people. *sigh* She left, then I resumed. Then a janitor came out. I stopped and sat down to wait. They almost used all of the paper in the towel dispenser.
Now my solo scene during the rumble. There is a copy machine in the teacher's lounge upstairs, which is what I was doing while separated. The Pepsi machine does not have real Pepsi in it. There is a gallon of Dutch Chocolate ice cream in the fridge growing hair, and a gallon of Vanilla we did not investigate. Their closet will close, but lock on itself. Experimental data was thought of to verify the warning's claim, but decided against. Jimmy left the shot list in the bathroom during Rob's scene. So to "copy stuff," I used a random paper lying around with Markie, my brother's ex girlfriend,'s name on it. I looked awful crawling around, pretending there was an earthquake, but I did get to eat a powdered donut in the teacher's lounge.
During the Guitar Hero 3 Tournament on Friday, Jimmy filmed Steve and Susan leaving the building in the wooden room with the "Not Creative Enough" mural, which is actually, in fact, a girl, and not a guy. The sun was perfect, and it wound up being a beautiful shot of sunlight streaming onto the reflective tile floors and silhouetting their forms. Wanting to capture that light effect again, Jimmy decided that Rob and I would epically exit the building during sunset, with the sun falling about us and casting shadows across the hall. It was during this time, Rob found another unlocked locker, this time, oddly enough, Markie's. Interrupted by Twilight School kids, it didn't seriously delay our epic running scenes.
Today was really fucking windy. The "last" scene occurs outside, after we have escaped the building. During "the epic running scenes," Rob and I would go to the double doors and push them open, to have gusts of wind scatter incredible quantities of dust everywhere. That wind didn't stop, but gives dramatic effect to our ecstatic, thankful running from the school. Having to film the last scene outside, Jimmy and Rob went outside, and I was supposed to follow, but had been behind a bit. Luckily, before exiting the building, I realized the doors would be locked if we attempted to return. A rock was procured for door propping services. Leaving, a joyous embrace occurs between Ben and Rose. Rob smells nice and I miss hugs.
Filming out of order:
Remember the rope ladder idea from earlier? I will leave it a surprise what we initially use to try to get out. However, the singular scene of me gloating took well over 40 minutes because we consistently became distracted by such distant conversations as "My mom ruined Titanic for me," which set up an Opus and Anthony joke, which was interrupted by Mrs. McGraw asking about who they were, continued into Jimmy berating her for interrupting him, she accusing him of always being mean to her because she never responds angrily, him agreeing, and finishing, his one line, somewhat funny joke. It was now around 6:10 and we had kept Mrs. McGraw and her daughter for far too long.
Rob gave Jimmy and me a ride home. It was a very pleasant, very enjoyable experience, and I told Rob he smells nice. I think Jimmy was indignant.
Notes on the Film:
It's about an earthquake.
Eric P. was originally scripted to play "Ben."
My character's name is Rose.
When I volunteered for this, I assumed I'd be "Girl #2" or something.
Jimmy and Rob are hilarious.
Rob smells nice.
Jimmy might too.
I don't know.
Jimmy didn't get his candy gram.
:(
During filming I met 3 teachers I had previously only known as names.
Mrs. McGraw's daughter told Jimmy she was 6.
Jimmy acknowledged that.
Jimmy does not know anything about kids.
She is 11.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Short Film
I'm gonna be a in a short film produced by Jimmy that Erik P. is in.
I have no idea what it's about, but that's okay.
I'm going to be able to make the donut run of vindication this year at Wildwood.
However, holey Chucks + holey socks + 20 minutes of jogging = blister
My PSSA "best invention of my lifetime" essay was about Stephen T. Colbert's Americone Dream.
In AP US, I told Mr. Layman to remember that the 19th Amendment is women's suffrage because now they're "legal" in all 50 states.
I have the vague feeling he'll think about me when referencing that amendment in the future.
WHO'S STUPID IDEA WAS IT TO HAVE A "NO TAKE BACKS" CLAUSE IN THE CONSTITUTION?!
18th Amendment anyone?!
That surprised me a lot actually. I didn't consider it at all and am a tiny bit jealous.
It was a very enjoyable conversation/afternoon.
Things to get: tea set, perfume, used books of poetry
When I see her, I want to acknowledge her and apologize for not speaking since 9th grade.
There's so much I want to tell her.
I feel like I should apologize?
Even though I did nothing wrong, and didn't realize until later.
It would hurt me too.
People who have been in my thoughts lately: Jimmy, Trisha, Matt, Jeff, Wasiq, Stasi, Automm, Barathi, Viv, Dave, and Wasiq.
It's a group I like thinking about.
I have no idea what it's about, but that's okay.
I'm going to be able to make the donut run of vindication this year at Wildwood.
However, holey Chucks + holey socks + 20 minutes of jogging = blister
My PSSA "best invention of my lifetime" essay was about Stephen T. Colbert's Americone Dream.
In AP US, I told Mr. Layman to remember that the 19th Amendment is women's suffrage because now they're "legal" in all 50 states.
I have the vague feeling he'll think about me when referencing that amendment in the future.
WHO'S STUPID IDEA WAS IT TO HAVE A "NO TAKE BACKS" CLAUSE IN THE CONSTITUTION?!
18th Amendment anyone?!
That surprised me a lot actually. I didn't consider it at all and am a tiny bit jealous.
It was a very enjoyable conversation/afternoon.
Things to get: tea set, perfume, used books of poetry
When I see her, I want to acknowledge her and apologize for not speaking since 9th grade.
There's so much I want to tell her.
I feel like I should apologize?
Even though I did nothing wrong, and didn't realize until later.
It would hurt me too.
People who have been in my thoughts lately: Jimmy, Trisha, Matt, Jeff, Wasiq, Stasi, Automm, Barathi, Viv, Dave, and Wasiq.
It's a group I like thinking about.
Monday, February 9, 2009
Walking
Today I accidentally found Clayton Park and didn't realize how close it is.
I hate fences.
The ground is very moist.
Music is beautiful.
Garnet Valley is beautiful.
It is also rather boring.
Though I hope for someone to walk with, it would be a curse.
I don't really give a damn about it...
My dad and I have been eating alone a lot recently.
I'm wondering how fake this actually is, and why.
For Valentine's Day, I wrote everyone in my Bio class a poem.
It was mostly so I could give Dave one without being obviously insane.
I'm going to ask him to be my friend again, but it doesn't work like that.
Though I did spend time and effort to personally write poems for them.
I told Trisha I got awesome music from you, and Nick said, "Fail."
People are born inherently evil.
I am meeting new people, sorta.
Talking to them, anyway.
Charlotte Sometimes is FANTASTIC.
The Ben Kweller concert is the night of BotB.
I've been devious all week. It's excellent.
I have the best PSSA group ever.
It's Matt, Kira, and I.
The proctor told us to shut up.
Matt made a boat.
In Career Development, our parents had to write us a letter.
Mine made me sad, because my dad doesn't know me.
All of the trees in Clayton are adorned with words.
It seems the most romantic idea in the world.
Trisha+Wasiq4eva
I hate fences.
The ground is very moist.
Music is beautiful.
Garnet Valley is beautiful.
It is also rather boring.
Though I hope for someone to walk with, it would be a curse.
I don't really give a damn about it...
My dad and I have been eating alone a lot recently.
I'm wondering how fake this actually is, and why.
For Valentine's Day, I wrote everyone in my Bio class a poem.
It was mostly so I could give Dave one without being obviously insane.
I'm going to ask him to be my friend again, but it doesn't work like that.
Though I did spend time and effort to personally write poems for them.
I told Trisha I got awesome music from you, and Nick said, "Fail."
People are born inherently evil.
I am meeting new people, sorta.
Talking to them, anyway.
Charlotte Sometimes is FANTASTIC.
The Ben Kweller concert is the night of BotB.
I've been devious all week. It's excellent.
I have the best PSSA group ever.
It's Matt, Kira, and I.
The proctor told us to shut up.
Matt made a boat.
In Career Development, our parents had to write us a letter.
Mine made me sad, because my dad doesn't know me.
All of the trees in Clayton are adorned with words.
It seems the most romantic idea in the world.
Trisha+Wasiq4eva
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Forgot Nothing but the Feeling
I remember everything. Every date, everything he ever wore, everything he ever said or told me or texted me or sang to me, but I don't remember what it felt like to be in love.
Friday, February 6, 2009
I forgot nothing but the feeling
Today I reread my saved texts. Deleted a few. Still not any of the ones from Dave. They're too beautiful and remind me that he's more than apathetic. He does feel, did feel, and I inspired it. I didn't remember what it felt like to get those messages, but I remembered the words.
In career development we keep talking about goals and future careers. I got the same Myers-Briggs test score as Wasiq, Kevin, and Steve G. They said we had long term goals. I know Was and Kev do, but not me. I want to have a goal, but not a job.
"I switched my fake crush from you to Jimmy on Sunday. My offer to make out with you continues, but not the rest of the sexual harassment."
-Chloe, to Big Was
In career development we keep talking about goals and future careers. I got the same Myers-Briggs test score as Wasiq, Kevin, and Steve G. They said we had long term goals. I know Was and Kev do, but not me. I want to have a goal, but not a job.
"I switched my fake crush from you to Jimmy on Sunday. My offer to make out with you continues, but not the rest of the sexual harassment."
-Chloe, to Big Was
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
AIM Prose that Became Poetry
I was going to go in the guy's and graffiti there
but I don't know what yet
not poetry
but close
it's not my poetry, btw
it's famous stuff
but not really
because nobody reads poetry
so it's not really famous
*sigh*
I don't belong in garnet valley
I'll find my place
and then I'll walk out of it into the next
I really like people and it makes me sad sometimes that nice people are sad and I don't understand any of it
I feel so young and naive and I don't know why I walk all the time
but I enjoy it
I shouldn't be up this late
but I was writing a letter
and now I'm crazy
er
I have to go to bed
but I don't know what yet
not poetry
but close
it's not my poetry, btw
it's famous stuff
but not really
because nobody reads poetry
so it's not really famous
*sigh*
I don't belong in garnet valley
I'll find my place
and then I'll walk out of it into the next
I really like people and it makes me sad sometimes that nice people are sad and I don't understand any of it
I feel so young and naive and I don't know why I walk all the time
but I enjoy it
I shouldn't be up this late
but I was writing a letter
and now I'm crazy
er
I have to go to bed
Sunday, February 1, 2009
things I wrote on my hand today
in a dark and confusing world, you burn brightly
if you die in canada, you die IRL
T.H. White's MERLIN
Jimmy Carter was attacked by a giant swimming rabbit
I baked them a cake shaped like the internet
Rationalizing the familiar is easy
male inflatableable sex toy $40
Honor Honour Monty Python promote surreal humor humour
What time is it?
Now.
That's a boring answer.
No it's not.
It's the most interesting answer imaginable.
let the poets cry themselves to sleep
meerkats can play rugby
this graffiti is fleeting human contact
both of us lost
but for a moment, lost together
I wonder who you are*
*coming soon to a bathroom stall near you
if you die in canada, you die IRL
T.H. White's MERLIN
Jimmy Carter was attacked by a giant swimming rabbit
I baked them a cake shaped like the internet
Rationalizing the familiar is easy
male inflatableable sex toy $40
What time is it?
Now.
That's a boring answer.
No it's not.
It's the most interesting answer imaginable.
let the poets cry themselves to sleep
meerkats can play rugby
this graffiti is fleeting human contact
both of us lost
but for a moment, lost together
I wonder who you are*
*coming soon to a bathroom stall near you
Perspective
This weekend I have spent a significant amount of my time with people. Friday was probably the best day of 2009 for me so far. Stasi and I started talking on my bus, and didn't stop until we fell asleep sometime after midnight. Our conversation ranged everything from futures and ideals and philosophy and boys and sex and family and memories. It was so easy to talk. It flowed constantly, including while sharing a bowl of mac n' cheese and then two little slices each of cheesecake. I was sad to realize it was the first time I'd ever discussed philosophy in depth, and that I wouldn't feel comfortable speaking with my "closer" friends. We have many similarities, and I think her life is very exciting, if because of its extremes. I am comfortable in my nerdy happy medium, but I have no scars, I have never broken a bone, I've never gotten drunk, and there aren't any exciting boys in my life.
I talked about Dave a lot, bleh, but she really helped me to see the apathy. I knew it was there, he listed it in his favorite things, and I in my least favorites. But I didn't see it applied or directed towards me, despite the obvious. Thanks, Stasi. :]
I talked about Dave a lot, bleh, but she really helped me to see the apathy. I knew it was there, he listed it in his favorite things, and I in my least favorites. But I didn't see it applied or directed towards me, despite the obvious. Thanks, Stasi. :]
Thursday, January 29, 2009
My only thought for the last two days
I wish I could honestly say this quote:
"I love my past.
I love my present.
I'm not ashamed of what I've had, and
I'm not sad because I have it no longer."
edit: I can say it
"I love my past.
I love my present.
I'm not ashamed of what I've had, and
I'm not sad because I have it no longer."
edit: I can say it
Some Songs
Wish You Were Here: a beautiful, sparse guitar duet by Pink Floyd, the words are gorgeous and the music divinely warm and simple.
It was the first riff I learned on guitar because Matt taught it to me some Monday after drumline practice freshman year. It made me think about him for a while afterwards.
"I was dueting with my uncle and we played Wish You Were Here and it made me sad. :(" -Dave
It is the most important vinyl album I own and the basis for the mural on my door.
American Pie: piano and guitar, it's got nonsensical lyrics that sing of lost love, an inability to help others, and a love of fading music.
The first full song I learned to play on guitar, I've screamed through choruses with Katy Creppon, in Sarah's basement, and hope to with new friends as well.
Soco Amaretto Lime: guitar and harmony and a vinyl scratch, this song made me cry for the memories I won't have and adventure and wondering if I will ever again be young and love in the same time.
Jeff showed it to me after the Power Pit Reunion, and I cried in front of him for the third time in less than a month.
You Can't Always Get What You Want: English chorus, guitar, lonely trumpet, Mick Jagger, and one hot maraca, it's the epitome of my quiet longing and belief that it'll all turn out alright or dead.
The only song featured on [H]ouse twice, it was my personal motto for a long time.
Hallelujah: piano and vocals, it doesn't really matter who's singing it. The words are Biblical in nature, and sometimes I don't understand, but when I do, it's tragic.
The times sung together my first year with the pit, innumerable. Coffee House and private moments of mourning, this is the most important song of my high school career and summary of freshman year.
Golden Slumbers: Abbey Road, a piano and strings and childhood idealism and the dream that someday I will not wake up alone.
In My Life: The Beatles' most sentimental work by my standard, and once hailed as the greatest song of all time, it is a very thin song with vocals and warmth and harmony.
Landed: piano, a drum set, a bass and Ben Folds' voice, it's about redemption and leaving and being welcomed back.
My favorite song by Ben Folds (that is not a cover of Bitches Ain't Shit), I've seen my clouds come tumbling down countless times.
Mr. Tambourine Man: the most lyrical poetry I've ever come across, the guitar is simple and the harmonica sad.
I want everything beautiful and free in this song.
Love Reign O'er Me/Baba O'Riley: I couldn't pick my favorite The Who song. They've both got memories.
Samson: quiet piano and the unattainable voice of Regina Spektor, I can never be the first one to love you.
Us and Them: the second riff I learned on guitar, it's a beautiful, swirling culmination of every beautiful instrument and sad thought I can muster.
It's only barely my favorite song from my favorite album for reasons I won't explain. It would be The Great Gig in the Sky, if only because someone I admired and found solidarity in and was jealous of in 9th grade loved it.
Farmhouse: a beautiful song with enveloping guitar by Phish and lyrics so simple and comforting.
It was playing when I finally escaped Dave bearwrestling, and it made each think of the other though that was found out later. I couldn't believe how perfect it was and is. There are several by Phish I should include, but I'd have to thank Dave for introducing me to them. I feel like I can't like them on my own.
Thunder Road/Born to Run: The Boss has more "American" lyrics of freedom and young love than all the novels of experience I've yet read and I cannot choose. Whether guitar, piano, or mad saxaphone, they are wonderful for their own reasons.
In the Sun: featured on Scrubs, a solitary guitar, and vocals warm and cold at the same time, there are memories I can't stand to think of.
Going to California/Tangerine: my favorite by Led Zeppelin, they're of a quieter guitar than many of their other rockin' hits, but the lyrics are more for me and childhood escapism
Old Man: by Neil Young and the Stray Gators, it's a simple guitar and a wavering voice singing of growing old and the differences and change of age and idealism
It was the first and only song my dad has sang with me to some degree of completion. I was singing it as I came home the first time I snuck out.
Stolen: a blatant pop song with a strong guitar, drums, and vocals by Dashboard Confessional.
I played it for two hours the day I broke up with JoeKat, determined that I would give it a try and not end what had given me so much happiness. This summer made it all the more a reality, because when the last week of the gold and glimmer was replaced, I intended to break up with Dave to save myself heartbreak. He fell in love with me, and ended that notion.
Some I loved before the memories, some the memories made me love. There would be many more from Pink Floyd, Phish, and The Beatles if I was going into songs that should be appreciated with all reverence, but these are the best. Probably another 30 would be needed for me to accurately depict the summation of my musical choices with importance, but I left out blink-182 and Bright Eyes because there are a lot that I feel like I shouldn't be so attached to.
It was the first riff I learned on guitar because Matt taught it to me some Monday after drumline practice freshman year. It made me think about him for a while afterwards.
"I was dueting with my uncle and we played Wish You Were Here and it made me sad. :(" -Dave
It is the most important vinyl album I own and the basis for the mural on my door.
American Pie: piano and guitar, it's got nonsensical lyrics that sing of lost love, an inability to help others, and a love of fading music.
The first full song I learned to play on guitar, I've screamed through choruses with Katy Creppon, in Sarah's basement, and hope to with new friends as well.
Soco Amaretto Lime: guitar and harmony and a vinyl scratch, this song made me cry for the memories I won't have and adventure and wondering if I will ever again be young and love in the same time.
Jeff showed it to me after the Power Pit Reunion, and I cried in front of him for the third time in less than a month.
You Can't Always Get What You Want: English chorus, guitar, lonely trumpet, Mick Jagger, and one hot maraca, it's the epitome of my quiet longing and belief that it'll all turn out alright or dead.
The only song featured on [H]ouse twice, it was my personal motto for a long time.
Hallelujah: piano and vocals, it doesn't really matter who's singing it. The words are Biblical in nature, and sometimes I don't understand, but when I do, it's tragic.
The times sung together my first year with the pit, innumerable. Coffee House and private moments of mourning, this is the most important song of my high school career and summary of freshman year.
Golden Slumbers: Abbey Road, a piano and strings and childhood idealism and the dream that someday I will not wake up alone.
In My Life: The Beatles' most sentimental work by my standard, and once hailed as the greatest song of all time, it is a very thin song with vocals and warmth and harmony.
Landed: piano, a drum set, a bass and Ben Folds' voice, it's about redemption and leaving and being welcomed back.
My favorite song by Ben Folds (that is not a cover of Bitches Ain't Shit), I've seen my clouds come tumbling down countless times.
Mr. Tambourine Man: the most lyrical poetry I've ever come across, the guitar is simple and the harmonica sad.
I want everything beautiful and free in this song.
Love Reign O'er Me/Baba O'Riley: I couldn't pick my favorite The Who song. They've both got memories.
Samson: quiet piano and the unattainable voice of Regina Spektor, I can never be the first one to love you.
Us and Them: the second riff I learned on guitar, it's a beautiful, swirling culmination of every beautiful instrument and sad thought I can muster.
It's only barely my favorite song from my favorite album for reasons I won't explain. It would be The Great Gig in the Sky, if only because someone I admired and found solidarity in and was jealous of in 9th grade loved it.
Farmhouse: a beautiful song with enveloping guitar by Phish and lyrics so simple and comforting.
It was playing when I finally escaped Dave bearwrestling, and it made each think of the other though that was found out later. I couldn't believe how perfect it was and is. There are several by Phish I should include, but I'd have to thank Dave for introducing me to them. I feel like I can't like them on my own.
Thunder Road/Born to Run: The Boss has more "American" lyrics of freedom and young love than all the novels of experience I've yet read and I cannot choose. Whether guitar, piano, or mad saxaphone, they are wonderful for their own reasons.
In the Sun: featured on Scrubs, a solitary guitar, and vocals warm and cold at the same time, there are memories I can't stand to think of.
Going to California/Tangerine: my favorite by Led Zeppelin, they're of a quieter guitar than many of their other rockin' hits, but the lyrics are more for me and childhood escapism
Old Man: by Neil Young and the Stray Gators, it's a simple guitar and a wavering voice singing of growing old and the differences and change of age and idealism
It was the first and only song my dad has sang with me to some degree of completion. I was singing it as I came home the first time I snuck out.
Stolen: a blatant pop song with a strong guitar, drums, and vocals by Dashboard Confessional.
I played it for two hours the day I broke up with JoeKat, determined that I would give it a try and not end what had given me so much happiness. This summer made it all the more a reality, because when the last week of the gold and glimmer was replaced, I intended to break up with Dave to save myself heartbreak. He fell in love with me, and ended that notion.
Some I loved before the memories, some the memories made me love. There would be many more from Pink Floyd, Phish, and The Beatles if I was going into songs that should be appreciated with all reverence, but these are the best. Probably another 30 would be needed for me to accurately depict the summation of my musical choices with importance, but I left out blink-182 and Bright Eyes because there are a lot that I feel like I shouldn't be so attached to.
Monday, January 26, 2009
Stuff
Stuff I want to write about, random crazy things I've been thinking about, sad things I don't want to think about, and general thoughts perusing my head:
I'm going to write a short story about the aftermath of "the rain." The rain where it was raining men (Hallelujah) and every woman found their perfect love. What would happen to the men who had to find out that they weren't perfect for anyone?
If no one could lie to you. Not that they'd have to tell the truth, but if everything they said became truth. Not stories, but things they told to you as fact. Like fortune cookies. Steve Goff got "you love sports, horses, and gambling, but not to excess :)" What the hell? Or maybe just if every fortune cookie told you the truth, no matter how it was presented.
I know you meant it, and I loved you before and because of it, but I honestly don't think you'd be capable of breaking his neck. I feel like I never told you I loved you, even if it's not like that.
Sometimes I feel like I'm making friends. Not real friends necessarily, but who I would like to talk to more and make it official. Also all the people who I've really liked before, but know I don't fit in with.
My little brother kicks ass. Literally and figuratively. I wonder about his personal character when he's not with me. I don't know where he gets his money.
I think I may have found my person to talk philosophy with. Looking back, I wonder how we all fit together, and who the next one will be. It's really strange to think about it, but I really like all of Dave's ex-girlfriends. He's got good taste in girls. We should form a club.
Vocab Vednesday is going to be awesome! I'm super excited for our first word, "calamity." Mad props to Matt and Dimitri Martin.
Vegetarianism appeals to me as part of a kind and efficient existence. However, it seems right that as an omnivore I should not deny myself meat. Once I go to college, I won't buy myself meat, as it's economically better, healthier, and generally more convenient. If someone offers, or it's Thanksgiving, I will indulge. Best line ever "it's a cookbook." The episode ends with, "Sooner or later, we'll all be on the menu." What a great fucking show.
I don't know how to tell someone they smell terrible and should shower more often. Do I do it anonymously? Other people agree with me, so I think something has to be said. It's incredibly pervasive and offensive to be near them for any period of time.
My reading has seemingly been all intertwined and self-referencing recently. Perhaps it's because I've been reading very leftist literature. Music has been an interesting change for me recently. I've been listening to rock and loud music to drown out the other thoughts and I'm enjoying it. However, many of my new music choices are mildly influenced by people I don't associate with at all.
I was totally serious watching that hilarious movie. Next time, just you three, we're gonna think it's even funnier.
Pirate seems like an ideal occupation, if only the Robin Hood kind of pirate stealing from oil tankers and rich assholes. It's the freedom of the wild seas, a collective anarchy, and all the booze and wenches. Being a girl gets you really appreciated I should think.
Being sexually harassed makes me feel pretty.
Sometimes I try to reconcile my philosophies and it doesn't quite work. I want to live the beautiful ideal that I am best to determine what is best for me, an anarchy. And yet, I would give my control to the boy who introduced me to this philosophy. Communism can only work with enough people. But I don't want to force people to join, otherwise it still won't work. I don't want to waste any time not doing what I want. However, it doesn't matter what I want if it absolutely takes someone else to complete it. If I do everything in my power to do what I want, it may still come down to someone else's affirmation. Be silly. Be honest. Be kind.
In my entry, "Questions I Should Ask" I don't remember who I was going to ask seven of the questions, but think they were important.
I'm going to write a short story about the aftermath of "the rain." The rain where it was raining men (Hallelujah) and every woman found their perfect love. What would happen to the men who had to find out that they weren't perfect for anyone?
If no one could lie to you. Not that they'd have to tell the truth, but if everything they said became truth. Not stories, but things they told to you as fact. Like fortune cookies. Steve Goff got "you love sports, horses, and gambling, but not to excess :)" What the hell? Or maybe just if every fortune cookie told you the truth, no matter how it was presented.
I know you meant it, and I loved you before and because of it, but I honestly don't think you'd be capable of breaking his neck. I feel like I never told you I loved you, even if it's not like that.
Sometimes I feel like I'm making friends. Not real friends necessarily, but who I would like to talk to more and make it official. Also all the people who I've really liked before, but know I don't fit in with.
My little brother kicks ass. Literally and figuratively. I wonder about his personal character when he's not with me. I don't know where he gets his money.
I think I may have found my person to talk philosophy with. Looking back, I wonder how we all fit together, and who the next one will be. It's really strange to think about it, but I really like all of Dave's ex-girlfriends. He's got good taste in girls. We should form a club.
Vocab Vednesday is going to be awesome! I'm super excited for our first word, "calamity." Mad props to Matt and Dimitri Martin.
Vegetarianism appeals to me as part of a kind and efficient existence. However, it seems right that as an omnivore I should not deny myself meat. Once I go to college, I won't buy myself meat, as it's economically better, healthier, and generally more convenient. If someone offers, or it's Thanksgiving, I will indulge. Best line ever "it's a cookbook." The episode ends with, "Sooner or later, we'll all be on the menu." What a great fucking show.
I don't know how to tell someone they smell terrible and should shower more often. Do I do it anonymously? Other people agree with me, so I think something has to be said. It's incredibly pervasive and offensive to be near them for any period of time.
My reading has seemingly been all intertwined and self-referencing recently. Perhaps it's because I've been reading very leftist literature. Music has been an interesting change for me recently. I've been listening to rock and loud music to drown out the other thoughts and I'm enjoying it. However, many of my new music choices are mildly influenced by people I don't associate with at all.
I was totally serious watching that hilarious movie. Next time, just you three, we're gonna think it's even funnier.
Pirate seems like an ideal occupation, if only the Robin Hood kind of pirate stealing from oil tankers and rich assholes. It's the freedom of the wild seas, a collective anarchy, and all the booze and wenches. Being a girl gets you really appreciated I should think.
Being sexually harassed makes me feel pretty.
Sometimes I try to reconcile my philosophies and it doesn't quite work. I want to live the beautiful ideal that I am best to determine what is best for me, an anarchy. And yet, I would give my control to the boy who introduced me to this philosophy. Communism can only work with enough people. But I don't want to force people to join, otherwise it still won't work. I don't want to waste any time not doing what I want. However, it doesn't matter what I want if it absolutely takes someone else to complete it. If I do everything in my power to do what I want, it may still come down to someone else's affirmation. Be silly. Be honest. Be kind.
In my entry, "Questions I Should Ask" I don't remember who I was going to ask seven of the questions, but think they were important.
Friday, January 23, 2009
Romanticism and Decisions
Nathaniel Hawthorne wrote in the Romantic Period about the Puritan Period. I was very much aware of Romanticist ideals. Being very much conflicted with how I incorporate the emotional extremes and reckless abandon into my life, I will not stand to give up the luxury of reason and logic. Mr. Longo asked if anyone had to make an important decision recently, in an attempt to give an example of the reasoning vs. impulse response. Hurriedly, I raised my hand. The moment returned rushing and quiet. Those seven important syllables came back to perch upon my lips. Of course, there was more than those seven, but the only ones he heard. The fear and trembling doubt collapsed over me in a movie version of my choice. It was the perfect example of logic vs. being swept up in the beautiful ideals of passionate Romanticism. Longing so painful, so grating and drawn out, finally eased and the vision of a perfect sidewalk in June. And yet, apprehension, hesitation, fear. I wanted to give everything, but logic made that sudden positive/negative chart. "Wrong place," glared the headline. "There will always be time," said the sub-header. The only two whims of logic, and I spat out the most important words of my life. "Would you like to share?" Asked Mr. Longo.
"Nope." And he moved on.
"Nope." And he moved on.
Monday, January 19, 2009
Notes I Wrote
This is my journal entry describing the fear of what will happen after he stopped loving me. It is undated, but was written sometime after October 13th, 2008.
I fear that when there is no more love and awkward interactions and memory remains, he will leave with indifference, reducing me to a good girl and a good fuck and I will go about with my pain and heart broken love for what could have been no more. How he will maybe move on, and I will run to Matt in spite. I could not bear in my soul to hurt one in efforts to hurt the other.
P.S. At this point I was pretty certain I was going to fuck Dave. "Never the time and place and lover all together," to quote. "Run to Matt," meant to publicly associate my grieving self with Matt so that Dave would be jealous. However, I knew I couldn't do that because it could potentially undermine his relationship, and I would never have intentionally subjected another girl to my sad fate.
I fear that when there is no more love and awkward interactions and memory remains, he will leave with indifference, reducing me to a good girl and a good fuck and I will go about with my pain and heart broken love for what could have been no more. How he will maybe move on, and I will run to Matt in spite. I could not bear in my soul to hurt one in efforts to hurt the other.
P.S. At this point I was pretty certain I was going to fuck Dave. "Never the time and place and lover all together," to quote. "Run to Matt," meant to publicly associate my grieving self with Matt so that Dave would be jealous. However, I knew I couldn't do that because it could potentially undermine his relationship, and I would never have intentionally subjected another girl to my sad fate.
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Notes I Wrote
This is my journal entry that describes my dissatisfaction with my relationship with JoeKat entitled "She's no Baribie™" and, remarking on how devious I had been, I now planned to be. It is dated Sunday, September 28th, 2008.
My mom wants a picture of us, and I think she's going to get another circumstantial accident. Or nothing at all. There's nothing of Joe, but he's a fuck up and fucked me up. Too goddamn awkward to kiss me in public. Dick. Made me feel like a common whore. It's because I'll actually FUCK You! That's why I'm scared. Because I don't want to wait and I won't regret you.
P.S. "Fucked me up" is referencing when he told me he loved me, then took it back less than 24 hours later. Tomorrow will be the last reminiscent day.
My mom wants a picture of us, and I think she's going to get another circumstantial accident. Or nothing at all. There's nothing of Joe, but he's a fuck up and fucked me up. Too goddamn awkward to kiss me in public. Dick. Made me feel like a common whore. It's because I'll actually FUCK You! That's why I'm scared. Because I don't want to wait and I won't regret you.
P.S. "Fucked me up" is referencing when he told me he loved me, then took it back less than 24 hours later. Tomorrow will be the last reminiscent day.
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Notes I Wrote
This is my journal entry describing that I didn't believe when Dave told me I looked good or made him happy entitled, "FAITHLESS." It is undated, but was written before Friday, September 12th, 2008.
I can't list the ways you make me happy you just do. I feel guilt over my lack of trust.
"
beautiful
gorgeous
hot stuff
everything happened that was supposed to
this ... [picture] illustrates my feelings for you
You make me feel so awesome
That was awesome
You make me very happy, Chloe
I let you turn me into a Communist
Your named was just carved into a big house's driveway
Wish You Were Here
"
P.S. I did wind up believing it eventually, but still not entirely.
[edit] P.P.S. The picture was of fireworks when he was away in Pittsburgh
I can't list the ways you make me happy you just do. I feel guilt over my lack of trust.
"
beautiful
gorgeous
hot stuff
everything happened that was supposed to
this ... [picture] illustrates my feelings for you
You make me feel so awesome
That was awesome
You make me very happy, Chloe
I let you turn me into a Communist
Your named was just carved into a big house's driveway
Wish You Were Here
"
P.S. I did wind up believing it eventually, but still not entirely.
[edit] P.P.S. The picture was of fireworks when he was away in Pittsburgh
Friday, January 16, 2009
Notes I Wrote
This is my journal entry describing my conflicting emotions and fear of being involved with Dave (before he loved me). It is dated Tuesday, September 2nd, 2008.
I don't think I'm phenominally attached to him. In fact it's hard. I like the attention and the fun and fooling around, and Dave will be the best I have in high school. However, I keep having dreams and song interpretations that I'm going to hurt him. I may be giving myself too much credit though. My biggest fear now is that he'll say, "Kiss me hard, 'cause this will be the last time that I let you." So I try to remember our last kiss just in case. :(
P.S. I do remember our last kiss, and I was upset because I was scared that it might be, and it was a terrible kiss and I got his hair in my mouth. He won't remember it.
I don't think I'm phenominally attached to him. In fact it's hard. I like the attention and the fun and fooling around, and Dave will be the best I have in high school. However, I keep having dreams and song interpretations that I'm going to hurt him. I may be giving myself too much credit though. My biggest fear now is that he'll say, "Kiss me hard, 'cause this will be the last time that I let you." So I try to remember our last kiss just in case. :(
P.S. I do remember our last kiss, and I was upset because I was scared that it might be, and it was a terrible kiss and I got his hair in my mouth. He won't remember it.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Notes I Wrote
This is my journal entry listing adjectives I was going to use while writing a song for Dave. It is dated Friday, October 10th, 2008.
Vegetarian, anarchist, tattoo'd, pot smoking, guitar playing, rock 'n' rolling, hilarious, genius, detached, Vonnegut reading, Canadian, photographer, artist, snowboarding, skateboarding, wakeboarding, surfing, swimming, peace loving, me loving, bandana donned, hot and handsome, music composing hippi
P.S. I didn't write him a song, and I didn't get mine.
Vegetarian, anarchist, tattoo'd, pot smoking, guitar playing, rock 'n' rolling, hilarious, genius, detached, Vonnegut reading, Canadian, photographer, artist, snowboarding, skateboarding, wakeboarding, surfing, swimming, peace loving, me loving, bandana donned, hot and handsome, music composing hippi
P.S. I didn't write him a song, and I didn't get mine.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Notes I Wrote
This is my journal entry describing my frustration at coming up with a pet name for how deviously enamored I was with Dave. It is dated Sunday, August 31st, 2008.
I hate the pet name game because words don't describe how physically attracted I am to you. It's not just your dark complexion, swimmer's body, or fantastic hair. It's also in the way you stand when you play guitar, or the various scars on your hands, how small you make me feel, and the stupid tickle of your neckbeard (Not that I'm endorsing it). "Hot" "handsome" "cute" "sexy" don't do any justice because each has other implications and whatever desire you arouse in me that's strictly physical transcends that. You are some fine eye candy though.
P.S. I'm not entirely sure why I wrote so many notes directly addressing him. Maybe I was planning to say it out loud or hoped he would find it someday. The ones addressed directly to him are the ones I can't post for the most part.
I hate the pet name game because words don't describe how physically attracted I am to you. It's not just your dark complexion, swimmer's body, or fantastic hair. It's also in the way you stand when you play guitar, or the various scars on your hands, how small you make me feel, and the stupid tickle of your neckbeard (Not that I'm endorsing it). "Hot" "handsome" "cute" "sexy" don't do any justice because each has other implications and whatever desire you arouse in me that's strictly physical transcends that. You are some fine eye candy though.
P.S. I'm not entirely sure why I wrote so many notes directly addressing him. Maybe I was planning to say it out loud or hoped he would find it someday. The ones addressed directly to him are the ones I can't post for the most part.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
The Left Shoe
I was waiting for the other shoe to drop. It has. I feel better.
I WILL NEVER BE SILENT
But I don't want comfort.
I want God,
I want poetry,
I want real danger,
I want freedom,
I want goodness,
I want sin.
I would live my beautiful ideal
R-U-N-N-O-F-T
It doesn't make a damned bit of difference who wins the war to someone who's dead
Vivez sans tempo mort
Anarchy is for lovers
Please me and have no regrets
That's not fair! That's not fair at all! There was time now. There was all the time I needed...
TAKE RISKS
I'm a sucker for a happy ending
Going to California
Always do what you are afraid to
JUMP
As they have dared, so shall I
No eternal reward will forgive us now for wasting the dawn
Each betrayal begins with trust, every man returns to dust
I'll never have the moon
TANGERINE
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul
be clearly aware of the stars and infinity on high
There's no hope, but I may be wrong
Your hair down to your legs and your legs down to the floor
WASTE
And all a wonder and a wild desire
You've got to walk that lonesome valley You've got to walk it by yourself
I have beautiful dreams and a gorgeous reality
You're just jealous 'cause we're young and in love
Be Silly. Be Honest. Be Kind.
44/16=2.75
.. .--. --- .--- . -.-- --- .--
SOCO AMARETTO LIME
Fades to background of drums and gunshots
I WILL FIND A WAY
All things must pass. All things must pass away.
The cause of war is preparation for war
I came into this world, not chiefly to make this a good place to live in, but to live in it, good or bad
the most alive is the WILDEST
I long for you tragically, A.T.Chapman [I got this wrong]
We come spinning out of nothingness. Scattering stars like dust.
The blue ones are MAGIC
When a man cannot choose he ceases to be a man
Maple Street, in the last calm and reflective moment before the monsters came
Deep as first love and wild with all regret
Let there be truth between us forever more
NO LIES, JUST LOVE
The people I respect the most behave as if they were immortal and as if society was eternal
Be realistic
Demand the impossible
BARE FEET INVITE TROUBLE
This is the strangest life I've ever seen
Remember when you were young?
You shone like the sun
I'm feeling this
If I seem free, it's because I'm always running
The spirit gone, man is garbage. That was Snowden's secret
The Realms of the Unreal
FUCK YOUR CONTROLS!
This is not an EXIT
O for a life of sensations
I will trust what is deep is holy
This is a dimension of imagination
Thou art to me a delicious torment
I do not believe in god, because I believe in man
the passion you sparked in me one terrible night that persuaded my soul to ignite
I stepped on a dandelion and cried for all of the wishes that could have come true
Down with a world in which the guarantee we will not starve has been bought with the guarantee we will die of boredom
NEVER WORK
Poor people don't exist when times are good
'When it happens, it happens'
LOVE IS UNREASONABLE MADNESS
Stars and rain can be seen through glass ceilings
I AM ENJOYING EXISTENCE AS MUCH AS EVER AND REGRET NOTHING
Deep as first love and wild with all regret, O Death in Life, the days that are no more [not a mistake, I repeated it]
Reflecting on the time when this life shined
Shine On You Crazy Diamond
ALL MEN LOVE A LOVER
A+
there are a number of small doodles all over the shoe.
there are a number of sayings meant to remember everyone.
i'd tell you which one(s) are yours if you ask.
for the most part, if you recognize it and can associate it with me, its for you.
others are special and more secret.
I WILL NEVER BE SILENT
But I don't want comfort.
I want God,
I want poetry,
I want real danger,
I want freedom,
I want goodness,
I want sin.
I would live my beautiful ideal
R-U-N-N-O-F-T
It doesn't make a damned bit of difference who wins the war to someone who's dead
Vivez sans tempo mort
Anarchy is for lovers
Please me and have no regrets
That's not fair! That's not fair at all! There was time now. There was all the time I needed...
TAKE RISKS
I'm a sucker for a happy ending
Going to California
Always do what you are afraid to
JUMP
As they have dared, so shall I
No eternal reward will forgive us now for wasting the dawn
Each betrayal begins with trust, every man returns to dust
I'll never have the moon
TANGERINE
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul
be clearly aware of the stars and infinity on high
There's no hope, but I may be wrong
Your hair down to your legs and your legs down to the floor
WASTE
And all a wonder and a wild desire
You've got to walk that lonesome valley You've got to walk it by yourself
I have beautiful dreams and a gorgeous reality
You're just jealous 'cause we're young and in love
Be Silly. Be Honest. Be Kind.
44/16=2.75
.. .--. --- .--- . -.-- --- .--
SOCO AMARETTO LIME
Fades to background of drums and gunshots
I WILL FIND A WAY
All things must pass. All things must pass away.
The cause of war is preparation for war
I came into this world, not chiefly to make this a good place to live in, but to live in it, good or bad
the most alive is the WILDEST
I long for you tragically, A.T.Chapman [I got this wrong]
We come spinning out of nothingness. Scattering stars like dust.
The blue ones are MAGIC
When a man cannot choose he ceases to be a man
Maple Street, in the last calm and reflective moment before the monsters came
Deep as first love and wild with all regret
Let there be truth between us forever more
NO LIES, JUST LOVE
The people I respect the most behave as if they were immortal and as if society was eternal
Be realistic
Demand the impossible
BARE FEET INVITE TROUBLE
This is the strangest life I've ever seen
Remember when you were young?
You shone like the sun
I'm feeling this
If I seem free, it's because I'm always running
The spirit gone, man is garbage. That was Snowden's secret
The Realms of the Unreal
FUCK YOUR CONTROLS!
This is not an EXIT
O for a life of sensations
I will trust what is deep is holy
This is a dimension of imagination
Thou art to me a delicious torment
I do not believe in god, because I believe in man
the passion you sparked in me one terrible night that persuaded my soul to ignite
I stepped on a dandelion and cried for all of the wishes that could have come true
Down with a world in which the guarantee we will not starve has been bought with the guarantee we will die of boredom
NEVER WORK
Poor people don't exist when times are good
'When it happens, it happens'
LOVE IS UNREASONABLE MADNESS
Stars and rain can be seen through glass ceilings
I AM ENJOYING EXISTENCE AS MUCH AS EVER AND REGRET NOTHING
Deep as first love and wild with all regret, O Death in Life, the days that are no more [not a mistake, I repeated it]
Reflecting on the time when this life shined
Shine On You Crazy Diamond
ALL MEN LOVE A LOVER
A+
there are a number of small doodles all over the shoe.
there are a number of sayings meant to remember everyone.
i'd tell you which one(s) are yours if you ask.
for the most part, if you recognize it and can associate it with me, its for you.
others are special and more secret.
Notes I Wrote
This is my journal entry about my feelings for Dave prior to him tell me he loved me. It is dated Sunday, August 31st, 2008.
Dave,
I'm writing this not so much for you as for me. I've no doubt there's a goodbye in our future, but you''ll still make me laugh, so it can't end that badly. Every day that thought crossed my mind, but I also remembered that I have you in the now and I'm going to have fun every day I get a chance to be with you. However long it stays fun, interesting, or exciting is how long I'll be here.
I'll do my best to keep you,
Chloe
Dave,
I'm writing this not so much for you as for me. I've no doubt there's a goodbye in our future, but you''ll still make me laugh, so it can't end that badly. Every day that thought crossed my mind, but I also remembered that I have you in the now and I'm going to have fun every day I get a chance to be with you. However long it stays fun, interesting, or exciting is how long I'll be here.
I'll do my best to keep you,
Chloe
Monday, January 12, 2009
Notes I Wrote
This is my journal entry about how distrusting I was of my body image. It is dated Wednesday, September 3rd, 2008.
My mom doesn't tell me I'm pretty. Only that at my age she weighed ten pounds less than me and she's glad I have the self-confidence not to wear make-up. I'd never get a word from my dad. So I'm having a hard time believing. I can't even believe that I'm arousing and/or inspiring good feelings. I thought the whole thing was a bet. I felt prettier and smarter and stronger without you.
P.S. I wrote the last part extra bold. Initially I thought that Dave was flirting with me on some sort of bet, most likely with Joe Marino.
My mom doesn't tell me I'm pretty. Only that at my age she weighed ten pounds less than me and she's glad I have the self-confidence not to wear make-up. I'd never get a word from my dad. So I'm having a hard time believing. I can't even believe that I'm arousing and/or inspiring good feelings. I thought the whole thing was a bet. I felt prettier and smarter and stronger without you.
P.S. I wrote the last part extra bold. Initially I thought that Dave was flirting with me on some sort of bet, most likely with Joe Marino.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Notes I Wrote
This is my journal entry describing the wonderful, wonderful things that happened to Dave and I since we started flirting around, entitled, "3 Months." It is undated, but written sometime after October 23rd.
July 5th: R+J I'm crushin'
July 15th: Ducks, grist mill, RHPS
July 19th: Night walk DAC
July 30th: First Kiss/Stigmata
August 5th: Girlfriend
August: Wonderful
<28th- Nightwalk, 22nd Cops. penis
September 7th: I love you
September 12th: Tuxeuhffblllehhph
September 20th: Alpaca
September 21: I love him too
September 27th: Cocksucker
October 3rd: Wordless hour
October 9th: Grist Mill
October 31st: Halloween
November-February: :]
P.S. The "<" part was written in the margin. I told him I wasn't going to fuck him before October and his birthday was in February explain the last entry. My first chance came very shortly afterwards, but I didn't because of loyalty to a friend, the way it might have sounded in the future, and the way I remember things and make association. So often I wonder if I should've taken it, but am glad I did not.
July 5th: R+J I'm crushin'
July 15th: Ducks, grist mill, RHPS
July 19th: Night walk DAC
July 30th: First Kiss/Stigmata
August 5th: Girlfriend
August: Wonderful
<28th- Nightwalk, 22nd Cops. penis
September 7th: I love you
September 12th: Tuxeuhffblllehhph
September 20th: Alpaca
September 21: I love him too
September 27th: Cocksucker
October 3rd: Wordless hour
October 9th: Grist Mill
October 31st: Halloween
November-February: :]
P.S. The "<" part was written in the margin. I told him I wasn't going to fuck him before October and his birthday was in February explain the last entry. My first chance came very shortly afterwards, but I didn't because of loyalty to a friend, the way it might have sounded in the future, and the way I remember things and make association. So often I wonder if I should've taken it, but am glad I did not.
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Quotes and Notes
Aw, sucks. i just bought you a forums account
-Jeff, on my favorite memory of 2009
Notes on "Notes I Wrote"
I have two journals that are physical, flesh and blood, pulp, glue and binding, diaries. That is not including the incredible number of note books, memo books, thought pads, and other smaller bound paper objects. They are what I write in during the dark and frightful hours of the night when it is simply my thoughts and I, unable to face a computer screen and permanently jot down my thoughts on something public. Hopefully most of that stuff will never see the light of day, but it's also where I wrote the sweet heart pangs of young love, and the fear it would be lost to me. Occasionally some of the scrawling are reasonable enough to commit to electronic memory, which is what the previous ones have been at some point or another. Over the next week or so, starting Sunday, I'm going to find and post at least one small entry a day. They're often a little incoherent or have spelling mistakes, as they were written in the throngs of emotion and usually darkness. The majority I still will be unable to expose for fear of retaliation or revealing myself to be a romantic twat with desires contrary to lust or logic. As everything recent and relevant is about Dave, that's where most of it will come from, but also some family life.
-Jeff, on my favorite memory of 2009
Notes on "Notes I Wrote"
I have two journals that are physical, flesh and blood, pulp, glue and binding, diaries. That is not including the incredible number of note books, memo books, thought pads, and other smaller bound paper objects. They are what I write in during the dark and frightful hours of the night when it is simply my thoughts and I, unable to face a computer screen and permanently jot down my thoughts on something public. Hopefully most of that stuff will never see the light of day, but it's also where I wrote the sweet heart pangs of young love, and the fear it would be lost to me. Occasionally some of the scrawling are reasonable enough to commit to electronic memory, which is what the previous ones have been at some point or another. Over the next week or so, starting Sunday, I'm going to find and post at least one small entry a day. They're often a little incoherent or have spelling mistakes, as they were written in the throngs of emotion and usually darkness. The majority I still will be unable to expose for fear of retaliation or revealing myself to be a romantic twat with desires contrary to lust or logic. As everything recent and relevant is about Dave, that's where most of it will come from, but also some family life.
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Dreams
A lost friend once told me that sleeping was a waste of time, a drain on your life, because nothing is accomplished during your respite. Occasionally, I would concede, though secretly clinging fast to my ideal of naps and sleeping in. Sleeping was the fastest way to pass boring hours, and the dreams that resulted were more beautiful than any reality I could have created in the same timespan. It is not to say I would waste my youth unconsciously whisked to a magical and frightening dreamland, but that my dreams have as much worth as my memories. Philosophically, the past is nothing but a personal interpretation, a collection of memories. There is, of course, "concrete" evidence the majority these events definitely happened, but for others, the only proof of existence is intangible recollections. If I am still loved in my dreams, and it is as beautiful and moving as past reality's, and brings me to tears when it is dashed by the morning's duties, then those "memories" hold a fonder place than the dull moments spent wandering my house in search of a spectacle.
Monday, January 5, 2009
Guitar
I started playing my guitar again. So far it's only been songs that I've shared with people, but they've generally turned out pretty easy which is nice. Except for Soco Amaretto Lime, which is in drop D and unfortunate when I want to switch from a warm up to practice. Phish is great, just a nice sound with new chords. I looked into Bob Dylan, but nothing sounds right. Waist Deep in the Big Muddy is simple and easy. It was the strangest thing, but I swore I could smell Dave when I started playing. It was nostalgic.
Saturday, January 3, 2009
Songs
A very long while ago, before I had my optic white Chuck Taylor Converses, Dave told me he was writing a song for me. Overjoyed with the romance of it, when I did get my shoes, I vowed not to write on the left shoe until I had my lyrics to put on the right one. Time has passed, and despite two reminders, I remain lyric-less. I'll concede, his lyrics aren't very strong, but it's the novelty and sweetness of it. Yet, during my forays into terrible territory, I've wound up talking to Squid's drummer about the cliché lyrics of love and heartbreak. My stance it to write epics about communist uprising or obscure myths, and basically put a tune to prose. In a moment of inspiration, he wrote me a four line song detailing our encounter, the scandal, lust, betrayal, and guilt. I'm going to write on that left shoe now.
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