Graffiti

I do believe I would like to branch into the real thing, with physical results and paint and smells and evidence and consequence and an audience.

Tying a bunch of holes Together

The hole in my hammock is big enough for my entire arm and shoulder to fit through to make it possible to hug while on the hammock without it going numb. I'm all better emotionally, but completely mortified because of the cause.* It was a spectacular evening and we had fun carving pumpkins and I got the alpaca. :D

*PMSing ended last night, but I didn't know until eleven

"I love you" vs. "Love you"

I am in even less control of my emotions than I usually am, and the difference made my cold, sleepless night into a physically ill morning. Once might not have bothered me if the next time I was reassured, but twice has sent me into an insecure panic and has what will eventually not be a little stuck on my mind. I knew it would hurt, but there's not even anything behind this. I think there's a difference, and I hope it's not prompted by anything.

NMbtV

I'm going to try going vegetarian for a month. I understand the concepts of economic vegetarians and social vegetarians and health vegetarians, but I'm doing it for none of those reasons. I'm doing it because vegetarians taste better and I want to return the favor. Only for a month or so, until sometime after Halloween, but it could potentially backfire. I think Sarah C. is a vegetarian, and I don't want to rekindle memories. I also don't want to imply I'm flattering him by mimicking his lifestyle choice, though I do admire it. It could potentially be fun. Lunch and breakfast are almost always meatless, so dinner is my only obstacle, and I've eaten a lot more fruit than I would otherwise. Vitamins to supplement protein and iron are back in my diet and a whole lot of water to clear out my system faster. I started yesterday and we'll see how it goes.

No Meat but the Vegetarian's

He got me flowers and wore Chuck Taylors

They're beautiful and smell very cool and light. I've never gotten a bouquet before and I don't know if there's any special way I'm supposed to dry them so I can save it. I felt very much myself because I was wearing my fancy heels that cost more than $20 and a dress that only I have owned and a necklace I bought with my own money with flowers gotten specifically for me that took effort to get, and yet not me because I only ever wear things that are secondhand. It was nice. I had a lot of fun.

The kid on my bus got a new cologne.

Remedy to my Lack of Beautiful Words

I do not know the story behind the sadness in your eyes but i hope as the day gives way to night that somehow there is something to make you happy, if only for a moment. You are awesome. Remember that. Love you.
-Molly

One Txt to Save

Another was that I felt honored to be consulted. Thank you.
-Oct. 8th 2008

Duke

My aunt Karen is the Head Archivist of Photography or something ridiculous at Duke University in Durham, North Carolina. I've spent a spring break on campus and an Easter in the chapel, but I was too young to appreciate her life and the simple pleasures of sitting and enjoying it. Art, music, and the beauty of the campus and gardens combined for me to have a great weekend. Friday I flew down on South West and got to sit in on three classes, because the professor of my fourth class, Global Warming, got the stomach flu. Strangely, the highlight of my trip was a quote. Aunt Karen lives in Old West Durham, and this angry looking calico cat was stalking amongst the shrubbery in her front yard. Pointed out, my aunt said, "That's Mabel. She's fearless and likes to nap." And I couldn't think of any description I want more.

I Said Everything

Standing in sunlight and grey asphalt I finally said everything I'd been meaning to say for a year and a half, and the conflicts I've meant to say for two weeks. Friendship was neglected for personal interest, and the distance was noted by both of us. I look forward to the response, even though the answers were everything I wanted to hear and the silence wasn't terrible. The reassurance was an air of realistic acceptance, so the doubt and sadness in my voice were about as matched, and about as final.

Txts: Adorable

That's sad, but i suppose That's the price for being young and in love. i'm glad you don't let that stop you though - isn't it all totally worth it?
-Jeff

It'll work. And I'll pull over if I have to. I decided to leave out the last 5 pages of the chapter because I'm so worn out. I love you SO much for SO many reasons, the topics of this conversations only representing a small percentage. I'm sure I'll see you in my dreams, and then for real in the morning. Goodnight darling. Sleep well. :] <3 <3
-Dave

Sleeping already? Alright, I won't keep you up. Hope you get a good night's sleep, Chloe. I love you too. If sing real love and try to serenade you from here. :] <3
-Dave

Hahaha really, 6th grade swimming? Same here! That's so great!
-Dave, on my crush on him in 6th grade

I love it. That's so awesome we have that. We were destined to come together eventually. Thank you AP Chem. I give that class and Abby/Trisha credit for catalyzing this relationship. Kudos to them. :D
-Dave

Sweet. So I had a fucking great afternoon.*
-Dave

*Epic understatement.
-Dave, on Friday, October 3rd

I know. Me too. It would've been nice I think. That was the best wordless hour I've had in probably forever. I love spending time with you so much. <3 :]
-Dave

You make me so happy all the time. It's almost worthless to say because words don't do it any justice. But either way I feel like I need to say how much you mean to me.
-Dave

I love you I love you I love you I love you I love yooooouuuuu! :D
-Dave, October 6th, 7:20, interrupting band

:D Hahaha! I love you and all your goddamn spontaneity that makes me smile and laugh and skip and dance.
-My reply

I was thinking about you nonstop all afternoon and I just decided to tell you why. :]
-Dave

Optic White Chuck Taylors: Right Shoe

On October 1st, 2008, I got a new pair of optic white, Chuck Taylor, Converse ALL*STARS. Using my double tipped Sharpie, I then spent the following two hours planning my works, and three subsequent hours writing, doodling, and musing on how Chucks became the shoe of creative license. This is a collection of what I wrote, as inclusive as possible.

THIS MACHINE SURROUNDS HATE and forces it to SURRENDER.
How many loved your moments of glad grace, and loved your beauty with love false or true, but one man loved the pilgrim soul in you.
To dance beneath the diamond sky with one hand waving free, silhouetted by the sea... Let me forget about today until tomorrow.
Oft in the tranquil hour of night, when stars illume the sky, I gaze upon each orb of light and wish that thou wert by.
WORKERS OF THE WORLD UNITE!
I walked out in the desert to look at the moon. There was a jeweled city on the horizon. Spires rising in the night, but the jewels were diadems of electric and the spires were the neon signs ten stories high.
let me tell you the story 'bout the call that changed my destiny
Oh glorious night! Thou wert not sent for slumber.
You cannot cry in space.
Time you enjoy wasting was not wasted.
watch the tramcar Please
she's not a girl who misses much
HALLELUJAH
Sex burns 360 calories an hour
To find a queen without a king they say she plays guitar and cries and sings
She only reveals what she wants you to see
BYE BYE MISS AMERICAN PIE
Go now, you are forgiven
What can I say to the old desire?
If your time to you is worth saving, then you better start swimming or you'll sink like a stone
Freedom lies in being bold.
isn't it totally all worth it?
Wish you were here
M&M
Yes, Virginia
All the things she said
FARMHOUSE
Love me, that's all I ask of you
You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you just might find, you get what you need
He was a stranger to all the world, but he was not lonely
How does it feel? How does it feel to be with a home, like a complete unknown? Like a ROLLING STONE. You're invisible now, you've got no secrets to conceal. Oh.
WITHOUT TRUTH you are the LOOSER
You wasted life why wouldn't you waste the afterlife?
We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl.
G
R
A
V
I
T
Y
Plays favorites
Gonna lay in the grass, open an' honest with anybody that'll have me. Gonna cuss an' swear an' hear the poetry of folks talkin'. An' that's holy.
These blessed candles of the night.
Me + You = Great Hair
Puedo escribir los versos mas triste esta noche. Escribir por ejemplo, "La noche essta estrellada, y tiritan, azules, los astros, a los lejos."
So it goes.
the dead have all the glory of the world
Po-tee-weet
HEAEH!!!
All you touch and all you see, is all your life will ever be
So no more we'll go a roving, So late into the night, though the heart be still as loving, and the moon be still as bright
So sad So strange The days that are no more
we're ridin' out tonight to case the promised land
She went her unremembering way, She went and left in me, the pang of all the partings gone, and partings yet to be
Mythozoology
I believe in the sand beneath my toes
Do not go gentle into that good night.
I never ever saw the stars so bright
STARS
STARS
Who do you want to be? The person you hope to be, or the person you fear you actually are?
Dawn seemed to follow midnight with indecent haste
There were no stars....... they were blotted out by the light of the boardwalk
Sharpie
there's magic in the music and the music's in me
WAWA
Go away from my window, and leave at your own chosen speed
I had some dreams there were clouds in my coffee
I could use a little fuel myself and we could all use a little change
It's a COOKBOOK!
TO SERVE MAN
TO SERVE MAN
TO SERVE MAN
TO SERVE MAN
TO SERVE MAN

Wawa

How could any franchise, except for possibly Wal*Mart, have a more direct effect on the hearts and minds of the people? Named for the Ojibwe word for "goose," Wawa happens to have it's birthday on April 16th. This year, it will be turning 55 and celebrations will occur in our hearts, if not making a special or accidental trip for the occasion. Like everything else that ever goes to Delaware, the du Ponts had a little bit of influence, with Eleuthère (Thère) du Pont serving as the CFO and president at some point. What the hell is with our obsession with this enormous, though perceived tiny, vendor of processed foods and conveniently delicious hoagies? According to Forbes Magazine, in 2007 it was the 64th largest private company in America. Jackass Johnny Knoxville has the logo tattoo'd on his left arm and The Bloodhound Gang complains about its lack of name recognition. Our August 12th Scavenger Hunt involved taking photos of as many Wawas as possible. My dad has decided the amount of money he spends there in one week is incalculable. It's where Dave and I had our first date, simultaneously earning the title of one of the few places worth walking to after midnight. There's no way Glen Thrills could hold its proud name without it. I'm also of the opinion it couldn't support a sustainable population as 90% of the Garnet Valley Band would have already collapsed of starvation and I'm sure countless students more as well. Their milkshakes are f'real, and the mixing machine reminds me of STAR WARS. There may be NO LOITERING, but my heart will linger here for time to come.

"Do you even know what a Wawa is?"
Microsoft Word doesn't.
Wikipedia duhs.
"It is often associated with the Philadelphia area and the Delaware Valley"

Txts I have Sent and found worth keeping

We're not sure how it came about, but he was passing out papers and just said, "Chloe's a communist" and then pulled out a picture of a childrens war parade and said you and Viv were leading it. He was pretty scandalized.
To: Jeff
Sent: Oct. 2, 2:33 pm

I may not put my sweat and blood into the mallets, but I certainly put it on them. -Chloe.
To: Tom
Sent: Feb. 4th, 5:00 pm

Okay, so we played the game where you have a word written on a plate and you have to guess it by asking yes or no questions. So I got my first one right in like, seven questions and it was hilarious. Afterwards, I got a second one, and I have to say, Matt came up with the most ingenious scheme/word that could possibly exist. The word: "play psychologist." I was absolutely in hysterics. They were playing with me while I was guessing. It was great. JoeKat's was "That Guy." He could not get.
To: Jeff
Sent: Apr. 14, 10:21 pm

I got pantsed in bear wrestling. :P
To: Jeff
Sent: Apr. 20, 10:09 pm

My drunk uncle's philosophy of life: if you love them, set them free. Or deport them. If they come back, plant an illegal substance on them.
To: Matt G.
Sent: Jun. 15, 11:27 pm

Also, my offer to make out with you is temporarily negated until further notice.
To: Wasiq
Sent: Jul. 12, 12:08 pm

I concede that my first win was due to you being distracted, but I totally would have won if we kept going. And my whole look is a finely tuned defensive strat I've perfected to combat a guy's natural advantage.
To: Dave
Sent: Jul. 22, 10:29 pm

I think Existentialism in the Whorehouse could be one of those cult classic, totally worth a shot.
To: Dave
Sent: Jul. 27, 1:02 am

I haven't played with LEGOs in so long that there's a housing and employment crisis. It's devastating.
To: Matt G.
Sent: Jul. 29, 1:57 pm

GNOME!
To: Dave
Sent: Aug. 12, 9:22

Haha. At least it's something productive, even if it's useless. When they showed the wolf spiders and the male was tapping his signal I thought of Morse. A lot of Es.
To: Dave
Sent: Sep. 4, 10:31 pm

I'm the one with herpes. I don't care.
To: Dave
Sent: Sep. 6, 1:31 pm

Woo! Last night I was like, "Dave doesn't have his phone :\ but at least I won't be up so late." Then I spent the whole night thinking about you anyway. :P
To: Dave
Sent: Sep. 10, 3:55 pm

Hahaha. Even though we're in separate states you've made me laugh more than anything in this one.
To: Dave
Sent: Sep. 14, 12:26 pm

Wow, then you are straight up intoxicating. Goodnight, Dave, while I was more often occupied with you, I paid more attention to this game than any since HERSHEY's. Sleep tight with fantastic dreams, I will see you in the morning, and I love you. :] <3 <3 <3
To: Dave
Sent: Sep. 21, 11:44

If I put more than two quarters into a game I'm invested in it. (puns, get it?!)
To: Dave
Sent: Sep. 27, 11:12 pm

Absolutely. It's more than I could have ever imagined. I feel like such a nerd for trying to love without fear and comparing it to Yossarian.
To: Jeff
Sent: Sep. 29 12:03 am

Txts:

Glad to please the olfactories. Also glad to instill in you a tiny bit of fleeting interest in football. I'll see you in the morning. You make Monday's worthwhile. Sleep well. I love you too. :D
-Dave

We should totally go on Wheel of Fortune teen best friends. We'd pwn.
-Matt

Yea! And any other best friends show.
-Matt

:] I love you too, and it makes me so happy to have you return it so fully. Perhaps we can do something together tomorrow after school. Sleep tight, beautiful. <3
-Dave

It's supposed to be chilly tomorrow. I'd recommend something warm. :P Sweet dreams, Chloe. I love you too. <3
-Dave

Loved yours. [graffiti] The alpaca actually looks good? I'm genuinely surprised. And I meant to say something when I saw you later tonight, but I never did. You looked absolutely gorgeous today. I'm not sure why but I kept having to just look at you. :]
-Dave

Saturday

My dad woke me up at 9:15 to ask if I wanted to shower before the band competition. I said no, because he had woken me out of a dream and was still in dream paralysis. Although being woken mid-dream allowed me to remember it, so pretty much woke up horny. I sat in bed for another twenty minutes before getting dressed and confused about what the hell cheering was outside my window. Oh right, the parade that I had intended to skip if it wasn't canceled for the band. Stupid cheerleaders, sucks they had to go. We got to the band room, I helped load up the pit stuff, and then sat on the bus with Abby for the hour long trip to Rising Sun, Maryland. The battery made it quite the hilarious ride, with Schade's imitation of the sorting hat being the highlight. It rained on and off during the ride, but not really anything more than a drizzle. I hadn't eaten breakfast, so the two hot dogs and M&Ms at the snack bar was a life saver. Trisha and I chatted up the designated hosts who showed us around. They told us to get into full uniform on the bus, and on our way there it started raining just enough to make us damp and uncomfortable, but it stopped not even ten minutes later. Getting closer to what was supposed to be our performance time, we got off the bus and went around to the loading truck. Our instruments came off with not too many problems, even though Sarah, Trisha, and I complained about the band parents. There was a bit of a walk to the set up point, but there were enough band parents to help us get there. Almost immediately as we arrived in where we were supposed to be, it started dripping over our coverless instruments. I tried leaning over my marimba, but as it's a keyboard it wouldn't be too badly affected. Mrs. Glanfield threw her coat over the rosewood, Big Red, and then went back to grab the covers off the truck. I leaned over a snare until they returned. We moved our instruments under an overhang, but the majority of us spent the next forty minutes out in the pouring rain. That was when we got the call to move inside. Morale was low, but just before we were supposed to perform I got into the zone and had a fun, pretty decent performance. According to D we won best section, and because of our dedication in the rain, we pretty much applied that to best section forever. The hour long ride home wasn't as uncomfortably moist as I thought it was going to be, and I got animal crackers. Cleaning up didn't take as long as I'd predicted, and we left the covers to dry.

Dave's dad picked me up after everything was in its place, and when we got to his house, Dave let me borrow dry clothes and put mine in the dryer. We watched three score-less innings of the Phils, a few minutes of "Space Balls: The Animated Series," and the first half-hour of Rocky IV, where Soviet, Ivan Drago, kills Rocky's best friend, Apollo Creed, in what was supposed to be a good will match. For some ridiculous reason, Rocky then announces he's going to fight Ivan in Russia on Christmas, without consulting his wife. Dave then summarized the rest of the movie as a 35 minute training montage and the fight where he wins. I referenced the DBZ where Vegeta destroys the PSI measuring punching machine. His brother got out of the basement, so we went down there so I could play Star Wars: The Force Unleashed. I owned the first level as Vader because he's nearly indestructible, and it had some pretty good cut scenes. Dave switched to his profile and brought down a Star Destroyer with just the Force. We watched off the Phils, (Go Rollins!) then some fat comedian talking about people who take too long waiting in line. Then another fat comedian talking about being fat and loving the south. At 7:30 my dad called because I hadn't called (I thought he said call when you're ready, not call at the band room when I had talked to him on the bus). I got to stay until around 10 when the PSU vs. Illinois game should have been overish. We went upstairs and had a nice dinner of pizza from Cafe Riviera from the mall. Football is boring, and I was sleepy, but still highly impressed with Penn State's crazy white out. I got to spend the rest of my evening with his arm around me, yawning, and petting his dogs Boomer or Javelin. A fantastic evening despite the rain and sports.

<3

What do I like?

I have flaunted my lack of passion and ambition in this world to those who would be disappointed to hear it. Lazy simplicity brings a warm, sleepy contentment that dwells for hours, and companionship the pleasure of forgetting everything beyond the simply lazy. If those are things that bring me happiness, how can I possibly earn a living from that? I have no pride in my achievements. The barely recent accomplishments which I hold most dear are the placement of HERSHEY on the snowy banks of GV, taking third highest scoring individual in Villanova Quizbowl, and being called the poster child for mallet percussion by an instructor from a school even ours can deem sub-par. I dream of distance and escaping the fate that everything here must come to an end, whether or not before its time. Perhaps at college I will find my calling. Maybe I will discover it was not college actually calling. My parents continually express distaste at my potential life choices. Cultural history appeals to me, but daily practicing it in any form of income earning profession would bore. Psychology and the mysterious origin of mind has perplexed me beyond any other subject, but I am disgusted by people. Sex counselor hasn't been brought up. But if I do wind up becoming a stripper and living in a van, I hope that van will have enough gas to get me close to finding something I want.

"But in the hereness of dusk I am moving toward the doomlike bells through the flowered air, beneath the rising moon."

92% Full Requires I clear things out

Selfish! Selfish! Selfish!
-Dave

That's so cute and little-kid. Cheerios and chocolate. I love it. Did you do anything else noteworthy today besides watching movies?
-Dave

I don't mean to be impatient for a response but I'm really tired. Busy afternoon I guess. I'll see you tomorrow. Thanks for everything you've done to make me the happiest dude in the state. :] Sleep well and sweet dreams, Chloe. I love you. <3
-Dave

Haha word to that babe! I'd "hypothetically" "produce viable offspring" with you any day of the week. Let's give Lamark some credibility and adapt!
-Dave

You've never had a Filaffle?!? Holy shit Chloe we're getting Filaffles a.s.a.p.! What you're describing sounds just like Filaffle bread. They're incredible!
-Dave

P.S. I'd rather you fuck social norms than fuck me. Who needs them anyway?
-Dave

I believe all of that 100%. I can say that I really felt something different when we said goodbye on Friday night in my dad's driveway. Your mom kind of interrupted, but the love and the trust felt like it was all there. Maybe some kind of progress. Any truth to that?
-Dave

I certainly will, Chloe, and I trust you will as well. I'll see you in the morning. I love you. Goodnight. <3
-Dave

Grammar doesn't really concern me, that's still a great way to end the night. :] Enjoy your daily dose of existentialism. See you tomorrow. Goodnight love. <3
-Dave

I can't get enough of that goofy grin. :] Get that much needed rest. Have awesome dreams and I'll see you tomorrow one way or another. I love you. <3 x0x0
-Dave

Okay. That's a shame, really, considering nobody else is likely to be home at that time.
-Dave, in reference to:

"If you come over any time before 1:30 I'll probably be in the shower :P" -Dave
"As much as I'd love to stumble upon you in that condition in the future, I don't believe I will make it over before then." -Chloe

The Types of Notes I Write

Very often in class, or in any of my freetime, I will take a piece of paper and write, in tiny font, cursive or print, the swirling thoughts which have lately been inspired by Dave. This is something similar, as I do occasionally reference this tendency in my work. I've recently taken to answering the question, "How are you?" not with "good," "ok," or another term of relative indifference, but with "Fantastic," or "Excellent." This general haze of happiness is intermittently punctuated by moments of manic anxiety or late night melancholy. But since my birthday, the contented peace I've been living with is sublime. There have been times I worry I am not seeing my friends as often as I should, but I made attempts at remedying that this weekend. My change has already come to pass, I am very aware. My priorities have shifted from the last time I took notice. Perhaps it was a gradual transition, and I cannot find Dave an influence for my waning interests, but perhaps it is in a way I do not realize.

1. First and foremost, loyalty among friends and the time to develop it.
Sweet nothings for Sarah and Gina. Music, politics, communism, and the world before us in the presence of Nicki. Frustrated rants on school, band, relationships, and the general time of things with Abby. Particle physics, the scum of the internet, and all the general, hilarious irony I can find for Matt. Questioning art and exploration of my beloved Viv in Philly. Angry musings and silly, secret realizations with Trisha. Keeping up with each other and general sharing of experience with my big brother figure, Jeff. Even making sure I interact with my real brother figure, Jack.
2. Secondly, my breath taking romantic interest, Dave
There was no particular friendship to speak of, before our venture into whatever beautiful relationship we have. Despite this, the simple happiness and wild pleasure he inspires brings such a comfort to not feel so very alone. Unique in ways I can only dream, his intellect is on a plane unlike any I have met, and a humor of a more refined, and slightly more relevant, Steve Goff. I am in very few ways equal, but this conglomeration of quirks and behavioral oddities makes me comfortable as only a small number have achieved.
3. Marching Band
Strange as it is, with my desperate dislike of the original songs, a greater dislike of how dissimilar our rewritten music is, and the time dedication, I hold it in very high regard. Our two freshmen are exemplary personalities I have failed to connect with. Though I hope an introductory party will change that.
4. Hi-Q
Maybe it's only so high because there have been no other major organization I would dedicate my time to, but there has been a severe decline in my interest for this particular establishment. Personality clashes especially, and the recent "innovations" in our memorization practices have a lot to do with it, but it's also the very distinct change from what it felt like my freshman year.
5. Indoor Drumline
Only so far because it is not a direct issue time-wise, the decimation of our potential members pool has caused significant morale issues among everyone, including the still cumbersome pit. Outstanding personalities with general talent have left, and the void is not being replaced by students eager to fill it.
6. Speak UP
Also relegated to such a low position simply because the other organizations are of more direct importance. The numbers of this group have caused issues with distractions that otherwise cannot be overcome. But rather than informed students with ideas to discuss and question, there are loud, unrelated comments that, while hilarious, serve no purpose.
7. Schoolwork?
I'm sticking it to the man with very negative reflections on my grades
I wish I had art class instead of math.

Throw Family somwhere in there and you got me about covered.

Spirit Fingers

"Meh it was an okay sleep. Haha I just got "a request to take a leave of absence" (fired). :P"
-Dave

"Yay! (spirit fingers)"
-me

"Lol spirit fingers."
-Dave

"Ow I just burned my spirit fingers on a hot plate from the microwave."
-Dave

"I was like "Ah my spirit fingers!" and my dad called me a faggot."
-Dave

":\ I almost said "Not these spirit fingers!" accompanied by the shocker, but then I imagined the ensuing conversation and thought better of it."
-Dave