It's Gonna Be a Long Walk Home

I went to a church today for the first time several years.

I could remembered being the person who held their hands up to "feel God."

The speaker talked about creationism, specifically mentioning how plants "defy gravity" by being able to draw water from the ground. I realize that it is currently unexplained, but it made me realize that religion used to be able to claim anything mysterious as a miracle of God.

I walked home. Luckily, it had stopped raining.

I hadn't walked in a while.

"Oh, lovely. How ugly."

Good ideas for my Color/2D notebook cover didn't go so well.
Individually, the pieces are perfect.
Together, it's very messy.

The Number Translation I Forgot to Look For

"
When I got off the plane, after eleven hours of travel and forty years away, the man took my passport and asked me the purpose of my visit, I wrote in my daybook, “To mourn”, and then, “To mourn try to live,” he gave me a look and asked if I would consider that business or pleasure, I wrote, “Neither.” “For how long do you plan to mourn and try to live?” I wrote, “For the rest of my life.”
"

I may re-read this before I give the book back to Viv. She finally got around to answering my Facebook message today, ironically, the first day of senior year.
It made me smile and cry.
Oh.
Contradiction.

"the Only Thing more Fleeting than Summer is Childhood"

It's been a while since I've been able to coherently express my uncensored thoughts in one continuous paragraph. This block is not for lack of material. My summer was full of wild adventure, soft moments, and a strong sense of close camaraderie. Some of the adventures I did not write about because everyone I want to share them with was there, or they are very personal. Earlier, my tender moments incited brash anger and sadness. I have no desire to recount my warm meshing of personality or guilty conflict of logic and emotion in a public forum. For all of the turmoil, this summer is another large and brilliant pearl layered of memories, strung along the collection of lovely seasons I have been through. Ever since I was little, I strongly associated myself with summer. Now, I make the flattering comparison of warmth and freedom, trying new things. I sang this summer, played guitar, listened to different music, read books that moved me to tears and to action, went skinny dipping in the ocean (twice), screamed, felt more connected and accepted than in any previous experiences, lazily floated down the Brandywine, jumped off the rope swing, talked about math, talked about science, geohashed, dressed up like a pirate, had a summer romance, went on roller coasters, rode Ferris wheels, watched stars, fires, and fireflies, smelled like smoke, climbed trees, even messed around in Wal*Mart.

"just the smell of summer can make me fall in love..."
-Modest Mouse

Recent Developments: I make a friend

Sup, babe? I got fast fingers and a good grasp of adjectives. What do you say to some explicit communications via text message?
-me

Hahahahahahaha i love you!
-Girl!

I'm not looking for commitment. I never said anything about love except the hot, sweet physical kind. Hope your night with Stasi is deep and emotion delving!

I wanna lick your sweet adverb dripping body.

Hahaha. I am scandalized by how quickly this friendship turned physical. But I admit, I was only in this for your adverb adjective body and your adjective wit.

Haha. Chloe. Lets be friends.

I heartily endorse that statement. I would invited you over for a sleepover and pillow fight or what not, but neither of us has finished our summerwork.
-Chloe, end communication

"when I am 24, I will tell people I am 4!"

I make my brother out to be such a badass, which he is, of course, but it makes all of my friends want to meet him. I think he's too cool for most of us.

When I have my silver studs in and a bandanna on to hold back my hair, I feel almost sorta like a badass.

I downloaded some Weezer today. My impression of them would be so much better if their first song I heard wasn't Beverly Hills.

I have eaten more food while outside of my home (mostly Stasi's and bandcamp) than I have in my house since Thursday.

On the AP Lit. journal requirements sheet, it says, "It's More then Just Rain." I think it's a grammar mistake, but it might not be.

[Edit: C&H Depressing comic week is really good at owning up to its title.]

Emoticon: Words, Words, Words

Our new fridge is too warm to keep milk safe and the freezer is not cold enough to keep popsicles frozen. Right now, we have our old fridge set up in the barn and my dad says, "...it makes me feel like a hillbilly, but at least it's not out on the porch."

Thusly, this evening, as I ventured upon a short jaunt into the night to fetch some milk fo' milk and coo-kays, I stepped on a slug. It was big. And, it was sticky.

On Saturday, I told the freshman what Katie wishes she had been able to.

I've gotten so much better at guitar since I start pwn'ing bar chords.

Because I was invited to sing at the talent show, I figured I should probably figure out what my voice sounds like. I started recording myself singing songs within my vocal range, and it's easier to figure out how to fix the way things sound now. I'm almost starting to not dislike my singing voice.

Hot Knives has been promoted to one of my favorite Bright Eyes songs because I can play it and sing it, and some of the lyrics remind me of who I wish I was.

All through the summer I've developed many varied and new friendships. They're not permanent yet, I know, but it's still a fascinating group of interrelated people who all talk about each other.

I've finally found a group of girls who I enjoy talking about sex with. It's finally girls who know, enjoy, and understand.

Last year, I promised my teachers that I would write them appreciation letters. I even handed out "IOUs." Unfortunately, while I still appreciate them, I haven't put it into words yet...

Roughly a quarter of the times I get ready for bed at night I think, "Barely seventeen and barely dressed..."

Words I wrote on my hand today: "Tonton Marcoute" and "blephanoplasty."

[Edit:
"I call on you not to hate because hate does not leave a space for a person to be fair and it makes you blind and closes all doors of thinking and keeps away one from balanced thinking and making the right choice. I also call on you not to hate the peoples of the other countries that attacked us and differentiate between the decision-makers and peoples. Anyone who repents... you must forgive him."

The previous are words taken from the last letter of an important political leader and humanitarian. He advocated free, modernized health care, free education, and a diversified national infrastructure campaign, winning an award from the United Nations Education, Science, and Cultural Organization for his work. He never met his father, his only older brother died of cancer at age 13, despite this, still managed to achieve one of the most prominent roles in international government in recent years. It's funny the things I didn't know about Saddam Hussein because I was close minded.]

Chloe Waits...

During the late summer of the last four years, as it got closer to 9:30, I began to dread the end of band practice. Aimless milling about is uncomfortable for me; I am not good at conversing. While I don't really like it, I usually have fun and get to hug people. The worst is waiting for my dad to come. I'm consistently one of the last kids waiting, even delaying instructors from their own homes. I've never bothered to carpool or learn to drive. Even worse than not talking in a large group is not talking one on one.

I Met Blink-182

Thursday, August 27th, at roughly 1:00 in the afternoon, I began my adventure to the best of the three concerts I have been to. Rachel's mom, Mrs. K., drove her daughter, Sean L., Joel W. and me into Philly so that we could take the ferry across the Susquehanna into Camden. I got bitch seat because I'm the littlest. A ticket costs six dollars for adults and runs, on time, every hour on the hour. We took up our wait by seating ourselves on a flat slate barrier several feet above the murky water, but not many feet from the edge. Conversation was excellent, discussing the band, concert, friends, observations, and generally hilarious stories. Through the efforts of the boys, we listened to Taking Back Sunday and Weezer, two of the bands who would be headlining. Upon boarding the ferry, we got a seat on the upper deck, facing the water, and I read all of the safety guidelines should the ferry suffer any number of tragedies and require an emergency response. Philadelphia is a beautiful city, and I wish I had brought my sketch pad. Camden is not beautiful.

Because the concert opened its gates at 5:30, we were one of the earliest groups there, setting up Rachel's "stoner blanket" as the fifth group in line behind one of the gates. A man with a fanciful hipster hairdo asked us if we wanted pictures taken of us for Taking Back Sunday's website. Of course, we agreed, and I'm sure we were absolutely adorable. An unsucessful attempt at hackey sack was made, but while Sean was sufficiently capable and Joel bordering on "not bad," Rachel and I were lucky if we hit the tiny, bean-filled ball. It was initially meant to be a flirting technique, but it becames more of a hazard zone as all boys quickly hurried past our area of play.

Rachel had her heart deadset on buying the limited edition, silk-screened concert t-shirt that only 182 copies were made of. Because of this, when the very beginnings of a merchandise booth was being set up outside the gates, we immediately set up residence to wait. There, another concert goer named Jackie, started talking to us about the band, being broke, and general conversation. It was very pleasant, and coincidentally, the boys we had left to guard the blanket had separately begun talking to her boyfriend, as we found out later. At one point in our line waiting adventure, we saw that the boys were giving out their phone numbers to t-Mobile representatives. We laughed at them, until they shouted to us they were signed up to meet the band. Infuriated, but not leaving our place in line, Rachel called, and they said they had actually registered in a raffle to meet the band. While still upset they hadn't called us over, we laughed it off, saying there were 25,000 people coming to this concert and there's no way they could win. For safe measure, we signed up when they came over to the merchandise line.

One of the men setting up the booth had said that the limited edition t-shirt was going to be seventy dollars. Rachel was astounded, and didn't have the money because she had to buy advance ferry tickets for the people who had not arrived yet. I lent her my money, as I was five dollars short of any t-shirt. However, as the first people in line, we learned they did not have the limited edition shirt at this particular stand, and so Rachel gave my money back so I could buy fire engine red "Feeling This?" underwear. We took our place in line, which was almost organized because it was getting close to entrance time, and Joel had transformed the blanket saving our spot into "one badass scarf." I texted some, but it was generally good talking, laughing, and being excited.

5:30!!! They let us in the gates and Rachel immediately bolted for the nearest merchandise stand, shoving aside other quick ticket holders and being the first person to purchase one of the shirts she so desired. Luckily, the other guy was a liar, and this shirt was only thirty dollars, to her relief. Some of us went to the t-Mobile stand to get our free gifts of sidekick beach balls and to use the facilities. We met up with the rest of the kids we would be spending the concert with, namely Meg, Joe, Alex, Amanda, Steve, Hannah, and Mel. We had an incredible seat, with a small patch of grass, close and center. Here we stayed, with more laughing, talking, and excitement until Rachel got a phone call. Chester French had started playing very loudly, disrupting the phone call, so Rachel ran towards an open spot to be able to hear. I very excitedly watched her, her far off leaps and bounds revealing that she, of the 25,000 concert guests, was going to meet blink-182. I ran off after her, ready to worship her feet after she met them, eager to hear how the incredible meeting went. At first, she ran to the wrong end, and was fearful she would be too late. Luckily, she arrived in the right spot and she was given a pink wrist band. Luckily for me, she got to bring a guest, to our surprise.

The guy who was organizing the event for t-Mobile had a sense of humor, and because of Rachel's extreme reaction of happiness, he sorta messed with her. Almost unbelievably, while waiting in line, we found out that Jackie's boyfriend who had been talking to the boys had also won and Jackie was going to meet the band as well. With a complete lack of dignity, Rachel and I started calling everyone we knew who would bother to care. My brother was jealous, but manly calm about it. Then, at their order, we got in a single file line and excitedly walked into the arena, waiting in a food court for access to the backstage area. While there, not two feet from a trashcan and only a few staggered steps from a bathroom, an inebriated young man puked. Rachel, who was excited to a point beyond what is medically healthy and usually has a mirror reaction to that action, was doing fine, to my great relief. Backstage, they told us that we could not have any cameras and that all three of the band members would sign one object for us, but not to ask for anything else.

We were waiting through the end of Chester French and through Taking Back Sunday. The only bad part is that the line was right outside of the catering area, and caterers know how to cook to please the senses when all we had eaten was overpriced chicken and fries. Finally, the band came out and set up their autograph table. Rachel went a small ways out of line to get a better look, and Mark gave her the standard man head nod. She just about shrieked and swooned. All of the security guards were joking about the fangirl reactions we were having and put us at ease. They allowed one or two people at a time at the table. First Rachel, then I joined her and told them that while I was a big fan, my brother was an even bigger one. They signed the underwear I had just purchased and we received free stickers and a CD of Travis and DJ-AM (who died in a coke overdose two days later, on August 29th). Tom told Mark to cover his face, because Rachel was crying, and hugged her. Apparently, he's cuddly. Then, we took a picture of the group together and led us away.

We got back in between sets, and Weezer was not on yet. I enjoy most of their singles, but have no idea about any of the other songs on their albums. Their performance etiquette was fantastic and it really psyched up the whole crowd. Thanks to radio 104.5, I knew the words to their new single "If You're Wondering If I Want You To (I Want You To)," which I thoroughly enjoy. Their last song was "Should I Stay or Should I Go?" During which, I was squished between two guys jumping and I did my best to jump with them. It was fun. After their sets were finished, they played keyboard cat. Then, blink!! They opened with The Anthem, Part 2. Tom was the tinest bit drunk, and while very funny, made many a dick and fart joke.

Joel and I rocked out and sang every line until he found (or formed) a mosh pit right in front of us. We ran into Evan P., Max G., Joe P., and Taylor J., the first of whom also participated in the moshing. I pretty much jumped and sang and danced to every line. I got a little bit moshed on and a little bit grabbed by the waist by a drunk guy until Meg saved me. Tom forgot a few of the lyrics, but the crowd carried him through and it was overall a great performance. They closed with Reckless Abandon, and the crowd refused, chanting "One more song! One more song!" At that, Travis came out, and in his levitating, spinning, and angling drum set, played "Some West Coast Shit." Then, the rest of the band came out and eventually finished with Dammit. They played all of my favorite songs and two I didn't know the lyrics to, one of them being Man Overboard.

The line for the ferry back was hell (this line will last forever, and ever, and ever...), but it still saved more time than if Sean's dad had driven up through Jersey, paying tolls and fighting traffic. We realized that during the concert, someone had kicked Rachel's bag and we had lost four of the tickets and had to buy new ones back. After getting tickets, but before getting on the boat, we sang "On a Boat." Though by some mighty miracle, they told our group they only had room left for ten people, the exact number we happened to be. We were glad we did not have to face the embarrassment of a.) not being on a boat after singing that and b.) facing the wrath of everyone who heard us singing.

There was sleepy conversation on the way back and Mr. L. is an interesting guy. I woke up incredibly sore. My neck still hurts a lil' bit.

One of the freshman and I are doing the talent show together! Snaps a plenty!

There were 1.4 billion fewer credit card solicitations sent out in '09 than in '08.

Weezer and Third Eye Blind both had good albums come out this month.

Holy goodness! blink-182 concert today!
I'm also excited to hear Weezer's new single.

Band camp has been super awesome this week!
Except for 4/6 of the pit (battery reject) freshmen.

Being outrageous makes them notice I'm cute.
Then they notice I'm nice too.

"god, this long fucking fight
is lost"

Goodbye hugs are the hardest and easiest to remember.
Sometimes though, I wish they would blur together.

I think I'm going to go out and legitimately get some make up,
still not much though, only enough to apply "smokey eye."

"Lightning comes and lightning goes, it's all the same to me."

The riff from "No One Knows" by Queens of the Stone Age is catchy.

I tremendously enjoyed Huck Finn.
I develop crushes on literary figures too often.

Brandywine

Between the Brandywine River Museum and Smith's Bridge, there is a rope swing. It is nearly perfect, considering the many variables that go into making a great ride. The water is deep, the bank high and climbable, and the rope sturdy. To get a real pendulum swing, it is necessary to climb up the supporting tree and jump from there. I am scared of heights, and it is very intimidating from up in the tree. However, one of my summer resolutions was to jump if the option presented itself. I screamed an exhilarating scream and almost forgot to let go.

Gina is the only person who can have any personal interest in my actions. However, my reactions were terrible and I am ashamed of them. Those, everyone has a right to gut me for.

This Is Underhanded

Dear Gina,

You may consider it a cold and painful betrayal for me to say this and address you as "dear," but I still love you. You are still the same incredible person, even though now you can see me for the backstabber I am. My guilt is infinitesimal compared to every emotion you are experiencing, even before the sickening physical feelings. Even if I could explain what I did, it wouldn't change your terrible pain. I'm not going to ask for forgiveness. I know not only is it useless, but there may not be a time in the near future when I deserve it. I am sorry this had to be in a sterile and public blog, but I know that any private communication between us would only further your heartbreak.

With all of my heart,
Chloe

........ ...................... .........

Dear Sarah,

Gina needs you by her side, and I need you there for her too. We need to have a professional and cordial relationship for band, but beyond that, do give the vaguest consideration for my motivation. I'll miss you.

Sincerely,
Chloe

........ ...................... .........

Abby,

I'll continue to be the hypocritical backstabbing slut and you can continue to hate me while both parties who were actually involved are at college. You're the only one I'm angry at for this line "If this is my reaction, imagine what it will do to her." Your reaction doesn't matter. She knew well before you did. I don't have to imagine what her reaction was. It was made very clear the sickening, heartbreaking pain I have inflicted on my friend. After this, I'm sure you won't tell me what the old stories are, but I'm still curious.

Chloe

........ ...................... .........

Dear Joey,

I am ashamed to see you. Some of the only relief I have found is that you are an amazing brother and will be there for her. I know you are reasonable and will be cordial.

Sincerely,
Chloe

Just the Smell of the Summer...

I am not ready to be a senior. This time next year, I will be left or leaving.

I tried making myself nothing to protect you, but they always promise, "Nothing can hurt you."

I believe in Page 89.

Did you sing "Happy Birthday" to your mom? You sing when I sing, even if we don't know the words.

Thursday could otherwise be a funny and embarrassing story.

I listened to the playlist "Girly Songs" for the first time since last October.

Playing guitar and singing is embarrassing for me. I didn't know you were there.


I kissed Jeff.

One must eat muffins quite calmly, it is the only way to eat them.

After three free years of dutiful, fashionable service, I need to get new flip-flops. :(

Tubing was super fun and Kate is super awesome! Part of me wishes the boys had floated off together so we could girly gossip.

I have books to read! Also, I don't know where the Huck Finn journals are or what we're supposed to do for How to Read Literature Like a Professor.

Even if I were to explain everything, it will still hurt. Seeing me will still make you want to cry.

Nick has disappeared off the face of the earth again. It sucks waiting.

I'm not scared that I'll wind up alone.

The Devil Made Them Clever

I'm for decency — period. I'm for anything and everything that bodies love and consideration for my fellow man.

If you can make a woman laugh you can do anything with her.

We can live with dignity - we can't die with it.

the most dangerous plaything.
the most dangerous game.

A woman's strength is in her tongue.

His style is chaos illumined by flashes of lightning.

Friendship is far more tragic than love. It lasts longer.

Will they notice? No? It should be assumed not, but I do not investigate myself, merely dismiss it.

One must eat muffins quite calmly, it is the only way to eat them.

Fear is the enemy of logic.

I am a miser of my memories of you
And will not spend them.

One need not be a chamber to be haunted;
One need not be a house;
The brain has corridors surpassing
Material place.

We do not remember days, we remember moments. The richness of life lies in memories we have forgotten.

Reminiscences make one feel so deliciously aged and sad.

A man's real possesion is his memory. In nothing else is he rich, in nothing else is he poor.

Footfalls echo in the memory
Down the passage which we did not take
Towards the door we never opened into the rose-garden.

Things to Say

1. For my own jealous purposes, I wished you ill. Then, I felt ill.

2. I'm sorry I never invited you to my house for movies and an adventure.

3. You are very encouraging despite my doubt, "Are we really friends?"

4. I wasn't joking and I know you knew it.

5. You're a cool kid. Tag team rules.

6. It is impossible to express how much I value our conversation and your friendship.

7. I'm sorry I'm a shitty friend, but you make me scared and jealous. You're the only person who can do that though, so congrats.

8. I miss you, but what can we even talk about? I would listen to you for hours talk about anything, but I always feel like it's gossip, about you, or nothing.

9. I don't think any boy or girl is good enough for you. You are unique.

10. I'm going to miss you a lot. Even though you just left, and we didn't talk frequently, you understood my embarrassment and left an open invitation.

11. I told you we weren't friends. I tried tonight, not well, but I was hampered by fear. I hope, in the least, you recognized the awkward effort.

12. I love you, and I love your family, and I wish there had been time enough for me to appreciate you more. I'm utterly ecstatic for you, but a lil' jealous he gets your time.

13. We should be friends. You are interesting and exceptional.

14. Love her and tell her she is gorgeous, because you are finally a guy who might deserve her.

15. Part of your mystery is being unreachable and far away. It forces us to miss you.

16. So far, the only imperfections I recognize in you are your genetic defects and you're not a fantastic "deep kisser." I'm still working on it though.

17. If you get outraged and horrified and betrayed by my actions, I will still love everything about you. Even if you acknowledge the logic and motivation in my actions, I know you will still despair.

18. I just have to remind myself how much I cried, your love of apathy, and your hatred of grape drank.

19. You are adorable, and as writing this, I wonder if that night we sat talking in my kitchen until 3 AM if you didn't get the album because of him and not me. I enjoy the feeling thinking about that evening, even if I don't remember the details.

20. Part of it is dramamongering and no personal investment, but I wish you'd told off that crazy bitch who stole the perfect chance to go for your man.

21. I wish I was better at making you realize your beauty. It gets hard fighting against your self-deprecation.

22. Please, don't die young.

23. You never kissed me in public, and I still adored you.

24. You know it's fake. I would give anything for you to fall in love with a girl who gives you butterflies, who gets nervous giggles when look at her, and makes you happy beyond anything you knew.

25. Sometimes, I think you want him to be with me. Maybe you just think I'm a cool kid.

26. Thank you for giving me someone to write to. I wish we could be friends.

27. You contributed very much to who I am. I am ashamed by my disgust of your self-destructive choices.

28. You are a perfect father to me. I hope I can be a good daughter.

29. You know me well. It breaks my heart when your actions based in the best of intentions don't mean what you hoped they would.

*30. I am sorry we are not friends. You are amazing, and I try to appreciate you, but making new friends got so much harder after elementary school where a sleepover was an easy token of friendship.

X. You are terrified of people and get jealous over things you have no entitlement to.

Stuff In My Phone

So oddly i miss you? Haha well have to hang out when I get back.
-Nick F.

YAAAAAAAAAYYYAAAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYYYYYYYYYYY. The more y's there are the happier I am
-Erik

I'm kinda pretty and pretty kind

I don't drink. I don't smoke. I use soft drugs very infrequently. I don't fuck. I take AP classes. I am on the HiQ team and marching band. I am involved in politics. I am a "student leader." I did well on my SATs. I have never been arrested. I don't drive. I honestly care about the guys I date. I am a feminist. I recycle. I listen to classic rock and NPR. I own vinyl albums. I read the newspaper. I obey and respect my parents. I miss my grandparents. I write and send honest to goodness letters and postcards. I appreciate the things I have and beauty, no matter how hard it is to find. I love reading. I like science and math. I am awesome in history. I appreciate nature.

Good gift to me: Your dick in a box.
Bad gift from me: Your dick in a box.

We were walking in time, but on opposite feet. We were walking together on different streets.

forgot nothing but the feeling

What are the colorful tubes between the "truck" and the "trailer" on an 18 wheeler?
Why do shape mac n' cheeses taste better?

"The Old Regime and the Revolution"

"I bet it's sleazy. I want to read it."
-Mom

I didn't believe in destiny until you told me it was ours.

I want to find my boy writing the dracula rock opera.

I cannot tell you how long your road is, but do not fear the obstacles.

Well you're just a geographical oddity. Two weeks from everywhere.

Course it's Pete. Just look at him. We gotta find some sorta wizard to change him back.

Hrmph

I didn't lie. I just didn't have the willpower to keep it the truth.
This was not out of malice.
It was my decision, based in logic.
I thought it out.
I can imagine how you'd feel.
I don't like it.
It makes me feel guilty.
I still don't regret it.

An Enormous Survey (Stolen from Emily on FB)

Do you think your last ex will eventually want to be with you again?
No, not romantically, but I know he still wants to be friends so long as we give it time.

Where is your phone?
On my left leg.

Are you excited for anything happening in the next week?
Hanging with Dan, Fava, tubing with Molly, tubing with group, senior portraits, dinner with mom, Hi-Q party, and Emily's bonfire.

How are you currently feeling?
Sweaty and fulfilled.

What will you be doing in the next 2 hours?
Regrettably, most likely internet things, if I'm ambitious, reading.

Do you regret anything you've done recently?
Nope. I don't regret anything that happened this year.

If you drank fifteen beers, what would you be doing?
Probably puking my guts up or on the way to the hospital.

Do you think you can last in a relationship for six months?
Not while in high school, but yes.

Who did you talk to on the phone last?
Viv!!! (This will never occur again.)

Do you know what you are going to wear tomorrow?
Possibly the HiQ sweater if bitches get this party figured out.

If you could move somewhere else, would you?
DUH! Adios, Glen Thrills, though you have served me well.

Recently kissed anyone with the name starting with a D?
Nope, but I was half jokingly offered.

Has someone ever made you a promise and broke it?
Haha, all the time. Promises are shit.

What do you always take with you?
The clothes on my body, but it's not guaranteed they'll stay there.

Do you think you'll be married in 5 years?
Goodness, no.

What was the best thing that happened today?
Best thing?! How can I choose?! India Grille, then (500) Days of Summer, with Viv and Erik, then hanging out with Dan G..

Is anything bothering you?
My sleep schedule is a little wacky and summer reading is daunting, but not really.

How many pillows do you sleep with?
One!

When you think of the rainbow, what pops in your head?
Demetri Martin

What is worse, physical or emotional pain?
Emotional, but only because as a female suburbanite, I will probably never suffer much pain.

What color is the shirt you are wearing?
Brown.

What song are you listening to?
She's Got You High by Mumm-Ra (because I stole the 500 Days of Summer OST)

Have you ever fallen asleep while texting someone?
Yeah, I always feel a little bad, but if I'm up that late texting someone, they don't mind.

Has someone put their arm around you in the past 5 days?
Yep.

Are you the type of person who has a new boyfriend/girlfriend every week?
Nah.

Have you ever fallen asleep in someone's arms?
Yes. Isn't it the sweetest?

Who is the last person 18 or under that you were in a car with?
Uh... not Viv or Erik... Jack?

Are you good at hiding your feelings?
Maybe, though I've never had to hide them for long.

Who did you last send a text message to?
Dan G.

Do you feel like life will be easier when you're older, or harder?
Harder, if only because there's a shit load of busy work. Bills suck!

Are you a jealous person?
Nah, bein' an anarcho-communist is all youthful idealism, but I try to live it.

Do you feel comfortable with answering personal questions?
Yep.

Is the last person you kissed more than a year older than you?
Yes.

Are you comfortable with your height?
Absolutely.

Is your room ever clean?
Not at this moment, but yes.

Have you ever walked on the beach at night?
Ah, the stars, or down the boardwalk, the illumination.

Have you ever slept on a couch with someone else?
No, but a hammock is better?

Do you like to take walks?
I don't think I should have to answer this.

Do you think you will be in a relationship three months from now?
I could be, but it matters not.

Would you ever get a tattoo?
Mmhm. I want a line of poetry or literature either on my wrist, ankle, or back neck near the hairline in very small, very fine print.

Can you whistle?
Yes.

Did you have any unread text messages this morning when you woke up?
Haha, if I had woke up this morning, no. As I woke up in the afternoon, yes.

What's your relationship with the person you last texted?
Friend, admirerer

Do you wish someone would call you right now?
No, I get nervous on the phone.

Who have you texted in the last 48 hours?
Jeff, Matt, Erik, Dan, and Jack

What is wrong with you right now?
I have never traveled out of the country.

Which of your friends is the easiest to talk to?
Stasi, by far, all of our conversations can become philosophic without any effort.

Who do you tell the most to?
Jeff probably, except when it concerns Jeff, then probably Stasi

Where is the person you want most?
Not a clue.

How many TRUE best friends do you have?
3 "true" and 3 I could always go to.

Would you rather smile over a lie or cry over the truth?
Smile over the lie. I am only human, allow me illusions.

Do you like anybody right now?
Sorta kinda. No crushes, but general boy longing.

Are any of your career plans pretty definite or up in the air?
Haha, jobs can suck it.

When was the first time you kissed the last person you kissed, where was it?
Thursday, May 7th, on Jimmy's back porch under the stars and moon.

Did you kiss or make out with anyone today?
Nope!

Would you like to put last night on repeat, and live it forever?
Nah. While it was a good night, it was not one of the best.

How old do you think you will be when you finally have kids?
30something

Do you want to cut your hair?
Nope, just a trim and leave it long.

Is there someone you'd like to fix things with?
Hey, Dave and Jimmy! I dedicate this one to you two.

What kind of mood are you in?
Warm and floaty, great day feeling.

Do you like your life as of now?
God, yes. I've loved my life since after AP exams last year.

When you're walking, do you stop to drink?
Only if I have my inconvenient, reusable, open lid water bottle.

Do you believe that if you want something bad enough you'll get it?
Nope.

Have you ever kissed someone in a vehicle?
Same guy, different vehicles, once while trying not to cry.

Ever snuck out of your house?
Haha, it's pretty much the only thing that makes me a badass anymore.

What did you do today?
Woke up, went to India Grille with Viv and Erik. Accidentally met up with Kacey and Matti at Regal to see (500) Days of Summer with them and afore mentioned friends. Had lovely chats with Viv, got dropped off. Biked to Dan G.'s house. Biked back to Garnet Mine to meet up with him, then to Rob's neighborhood where we talked for well on two hours.

Do you like someone right this second?
Nope.

Would you ever betray a friend for personal gain?
In an unanticipated consequence, yes. Never intentionally or with malice.

What was the last thing you ate?
Milk and cookies!

Are you a morning person or a night person?
I haven't "seen" the morning since Stasi and I stayed up.

Do you snore?
When I have a cold or restricted nasal passage for some other reason.

Do you know anyone who has gotten an abortion?
Yes.

Are you talking to anyone while doing this?
Nah.

Do you want a relationship right now?
Kinda sorta. I want a physical relationship

True love or 1 billion bucks?
Gimme the billion bucks. I'll find the guy on my own.

Do you think too much or too little?
Both, depends on the context, usually, too much.

Is there someone who can always make you smile?
Indeedily.

How do you feel about your hair right now?
I'm a motherfucking sexy beast. Thanks long hair.

Do you toss & turn for hours at night or fall right to sleep?
I don't toss and turn, necessarily, but I will lie in bed thinking about things until I get sleepy.

Does the person you like, like you back?
As there are many involved, at least one, yes.

Do you want to see somebody right now?
Duh! Bein' alone and on the internet is boring.

What color are your nails right now?
That whole "natural pink color" thing.

Who was the last person to text you?
Dan G.

Could things possibly get any better?
Yeah, but frankly, things just get different.

Do you get along better with the same sex or opposite?
Opposite sex, unfortunately. I'm not good at keep female friends.

Has anyone said they love you in the last week?
Yes.

Will your next kiss be a mistake?
Haha, probably, but not one I'll regret.

Do you plan on sleeping in tomorrow?
Nope! 9 AM: Senior Portraits.

Do you consider yourself lucky?
Not "luck," but dear goodness, my life has been nothing but blessed.

Are you in a relationship?
Nope.

Who is your favorite person to text?
Probably Jeff, though I don't really like text conversations.

How many times have you been rejected by the opposite sex?
Wasiq, can I count the times I thrown myself upon you, only to be pushed away? But other than my deepest loss, yeah: Matt (freshman homecoming), Dave, and Jimmy.

Can you keep a secret?
Yep!

Have you ever made someone your everything?
Nah, the world is too big for that.

Are you an emotional person?
*sigh* Probably, though I wish so much I wasn't.

Are you a caring person?
Yeah.

Can you make people smile?
I try.

If you like someone do they know?
Nowadays, as soon as I know, they know.

What're some good qualities about yourself?
My smarts, memory, personality, boobs, abs, ass, legs, eyes, hair, arms, waist...

Where do you wish you were?
Haha, freakin' Italy after talking to Dan.

What was your last dream about?
Dave and I had a normal conversation. I dream about him a lot. :P

If you married the last person you texted, what would your last name?
I won't put that here for internet safety reasons, but y'all know what his last name is.

Were you happy when you woke up today?
Yes! I was excited to go to India Grille with Viv and Erik.

To Do List:

Maybe June 19th or 20th, I wrote a letter to myself with a list of things to do this summer. This is that list (italics mean it's completed):

Go on adventures. Read books. Do your summer work. Eat fruit. Climb trees. Keep secrets. Forget. Get drunk. Sing. Swim. Play guitar. Sneak out. Get high. Scream. Explore. Listen. Talk, but not too much. Knit. Hackysack. Learn. Draw. Paint. Photograph. Swing. Dream. Walk. Stargaze. Creek. Laugh. Smile. Watch movies. Build a birdhouse. Garden. Learn to can. Nap. Breathe. Blink. Masturbate. Cry. Be there. Go in hot tubs and pools. Make friends. Kiss. Party. Bike. Picnic. Wait. Volunteer. Write. Teach, but only by accident. Eat break and M&Ms. Get new sexy clothes and socks. Don't get bit by a zombie.* Talk like a pirate. Tell the truth. Spill my own secrets. Make new ones. Study Hi-Q. Pool with Wasiq. Get new albums. Send postcards. Write letters. Make Jello. Get a kiddie pool. Appreciate the hammock. Body surf. Find beach glass. Get ear pierced again. Smell the grass. Bake cookies, cakes, and other assorted baked goods. Firefly with Matt. Catch butterflies. Get over band. Program computers. Hang out with everyone I promised, especially Poofy. Drive. Admire thunderstorms. Jump in puddles. Don't be so scared to jump.** If confronted with it, jump off a high dive. Make wishes. Make love? Discuss philosophy and politics. Read Wiki. Find a "signature scent." Play "Best Day/Worst Day" with Molly and company. Inquire as where to get a fake ID. Finance my pranks. Devise better pranks. Get over Dave. Talk back. Graffiti. Sleep tight. Feel better about the Jimmy situation.

* Ongoing
** Metaphorically as well