Friday, September 12, 2008
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
I Love You
I loved Joe, I did, but being my first boyfriend I would never had said so, fearing I would scare him away. Yet, love prevailed, and on one special occasion he texted me, "I love you." I don't know if I had ever been more elated; having my love returned and being worthy of love and being loved in any sense of the word. I told him that I felt the same way for him and how incredibly happy I was that we shared these feelings. I was soaring and skipping and flying and breathless all day in my bliss. However, less than 24 hours later he took it back, and suddenly I didn't feel so worth loving anymore. I still loved him, and sometimes said so, but he never told me again. I wasn't heartbroken, but it did hurt quite a lot.
Dating Dave, I tried so hard not to love him, despite everything fantastic about him and his ability to sound and act like the hero from a romance novel. I felt that if I could keep my happy indifference towards him, that it wouldn't hurt so much when he was left with only the indifference. If I loved him and the love wasn't returned, or was eventually taken back, my heart might have broken. I had assumed, from his string of relationships, that perhaps I would be someone fun to hang out with and perhaps someday a belt notch. I was willing to play that part if I could stay with him for as long as possible. Never had I dreamed that he is capable of finding love for me. It left me speechless, and even what I said minutes later was stupidly, stammeringly cheesy. Somewhere inside me, I didn't believe him still, but the thought of him taking it back brought tears to my eyes. Everything about him is worth liking or loving, and for gaining those two things, the rest is tolerable at the least. I don't believe I will ever find such an ideologue of hilarious genius.
Because he could find love for me, and make me feel worthy of it, I have found love for him and for not taking it back.
......... ....... ........
Dating Dave, I tried so hard not to love him, despite everything fantastic about him and his ability to sound and act like the hero from a romance novel. I felt that if I could keep my happy indifference towards him, that it wouldn't hurt so much when he was left with only the indifference. If I loved him and the love wasn't returned, or was eventually taken back, my heart might have broken. I had assumed, from his string of relationships, that perhaps I would be someone fun to hang out with and perhaps someday a belt notch. I was willing to play that part if I could stay with him for as long as possible. Never had I dreamed that he is capable of finding love for me. It left me speechless, and even what I said minutes later was stupidly, stammeringly cheesy. Somewhere inside me, I didn't believe him still, but the thought of him taking it back brought tears to my eyes. Everything about him is worth liking or loving, and for gaining those two things, the rest is tolerable at the least. I don't believe I will ever find such an ideologue of hilarious genius.
Because he could find love for me, and make me feel worthy of it, I have found love for him and for not taking it back.
Monday, September 8, 2008
I'll figure it out
and someday I'll be able to list the nouns and adjectives and feelings that have me all a'flutter, but for now, it's a verb.
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