Saturday, August 15, 2009

Stuff In My Phone

So oddly i miss you? Haha well have to hang out when I get back.
-Nick F.

YAAAAAAAAAYYYAAAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYYYYYYYYYYY. The more y's there are the happier I am
-Erik

I'm kinda pretty and pretty kind

I don't drink. I don't smoke. I use soft drugs very infrequently. I don't fuck. I take AP classes. I am on the HiQ team and marching band. I am involved in politics. I am a "student leader." I did well on my SATs. I have never been arrested. I don't drive. I honestly care about the guys I date. I am a feminist. I recycle. I listen to classic rock and NPR. I own vinyl albums. I read the newspaper. I obey and respect my parents. I miss my grandparents. I write and send honest to goodness letters and postcards. I appreciate the things I have and beauty, no matter how hard it is to find. I love reading. I like science and math. I am awesome in history. I appreciate nature.

Good gift to me: Your dick in a box.
Bad gift from me: Your dick in a box.

We were walking in time, but on opposite feet. We were walking together on different streets.

forgot nothing but the feeling

What are the colorful tubes between the "truck" and the "trailer" on an 18 wheeler?
Why do shape mac n' cheeses taste better?

"The Old Regime and the Revolution"

"I bet it's sleazy. I want to read it."
-Mom

I didn't believe in destiny until you told me it was ours.

I want to find my boy writing the dracula rock opera.

I cannot tell you how long your road is, but do not fear the obstacles.

Well you're just a geographical oddity. Two weeks from everywhere.

Course it's Pete. Just look at him. We gotta find some sorta wizard to change him back.

Friday, August 14, 2009

Hrmph

I didn't lie. I just didn't have the willpower to keep it the truth.
This was not out of malice.
It was my decision, based in logic.
I thought it out.
I can imagine how you'd feel.
I don't like it.
It makes me feel guilty.
I still don't regret it.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

An Enormous Survey (Stolen from Emily on FB)

Do you think your last ex will eventually want to be with you again?
No, not romantically, but I know he still wants to be friends so long as we give it time.

Where is your phone?
On my left leg.

Are you excited for anything happening in the next week?
Hanging with Dan, Fava, tubing with Molly, tubing with group, senior portraits, dinner with mom, Hi-Q party, and Emily's bonfire.

How are you currently feeling?
Sweaty and fulfilled.

What will you be doing in the next 2 hours?
Regrettably, most likely internet things, if I'm ambitious, reading.

Do you regret anything you've done recently?
Nope. I don't regret anything that happened this year.

If you drank fifteen beers, what would you be doing?
Probably puking my guts up or on the way to the hospital.

Do you think you can last in a relationship for six months?
Not while in high school, but yes.

Who did you talk to on the phone last?
Viv!!! (This will never occur again.)

Do you know what you are going to wear tomorrow?
Possibly the HiQ sweater if bitches get this party figured out.

If you could move somewhere else, would you?
DUH! Adios, Glen Thrills, though you have served me well.

Recently kissed anyone with the name starting with a D?
Nope, but I was half jokingly offered.

Has someone ever made you a promise and broke it?
Haha, all the time. Promises are shit.

What do you always take with you?
The clothes on my body, but it's not guaranteed they'll stay there.

Do you think you'll be married in 5 years?
Goodness, no.

What was the best thing that happened today?
Best thing?! How can I choose?! India Grille, then (500) Days of Summer, with Viv and Erik, then hanging out with Dan G..

Is anything bothering you?
My sleep schedule is a little wacky and summer reading is daunting, but not really.

How many pillows do you sleep with?
One!

When you think of the rainbow, what pops in your head?
Demetri Martin

What is worse, physical or emotional pain?
Emotional, but only because as a female suburbanite, I will probably never suffer much pain.

What color is the shirt you are wearing?
Brown.

What song are you listening to?
She's Got You High by Mumm-Ra (because I stole the 500 Days of Summer OST)

Have you ever fallen asleep while texting someone?
Yeah, I always feel a little bad, but if I'm up that late texting someone, they don't mind.

Has someone put their arm around you in the past 5 days?
Yep.

Are you the type of person who has a new boyfriend/girlfriend every week?
Nah.

Have you ever fallen asleep in someone's arms?
Yes. Isn't it the sweetest?

Who is the last person 18 or under that you were in a car with?
Uh... not Viv or Erik... Jack?

Are you good at hiding your feelings?
Maybe, though I've never had to hide them for long.

Who did you last send a text message to?
Dan G.

Do you feel like life will be easier when you're older, or harder?
Harder, if only because there's a shit load of busy work. Bills suck!

Are you a jealous person?
Nah, bein' an anarcho-communist is all youthful idealism, but I try to live it.

Do you feel comfortable with answering personal questions?
Yep.

Is the last person you kissed more than a year older than you?
Yes.

Are you comfortable with your height?
Absolutely.

Is your room ever clean?
Not at this moment, but yes.

Have you ever walked on the beach at night?
Ah, the stars, or down the boardwalk, the illumination.

Have you ever slept on a couch with someone else?
No, but a hammock is better?

Do you like to take walks?
I don't think I should have to answer this.

Do you think you will be in a relationship three months from now?
I could be, but it matters not.

Would you ever get a tattoo?
Mmhm. I want a line of poetry or literature either on my wrist, ankle, or back neck near the hairline in very small, very fine print.

Can you whistle?
Yes.

Did you have any unread text messages this morning when you woke up?
Haha, if I had woke up this morning, no. As I woke up in the afternoon, yes.

What's your relationship with the person you last texted?
Friend, admirerer

Do you wish someone would call you right now?
No, I get nervous on the phone.

Who have you texted in the last 48 hours?
Jeff, Matt, Erik, Dan, and Jack

What is wrong with you right now?
I have never traveled out of the country.

Which of your friends is the easiest to talk to?
Stasi, by far, all of our conversations can become philosophic without any effort.

Who do you tell the most to?
Jeff probably, except when it concerns Jeff, then probably Stasi

Where is the person you want most?
Not a clue.

How many TRUE best friends do you have?
3 "true" and 3 I could always go to.

Would you rather smile over a lie or cry over the truth?
Smile over the lie. I am only human, allow me illusions.

Do you like anybody right now?
Sorta kinda. No crushes, but general boy longing.

Are any of your career plans pretty definite or up in the air?
Haha, jobs can suck it.

When was the first time you kissed the last person you kissed, where was it?
Thursday, May 7th, on Jimmy's back porch under the stars and moon.

Did you kiss or make out with anyone today?
Nope!

Would you like to put last night on repeat, and live it forever?
Nah. While it was a good night, it was not one of the best.

How old do you think you will be when you finally have kids?
30something

Do you want to cut your hair?
Nope, just a trim and leave it long.

Is there someone you'd like to fix things with?
Hey, Dave and Jimmy! I dedicate this one to you two.

What kind of mood are you in?
Warm and floaty, great day feeling.

Do you like your life as of now?
God, yes. I've loved my life since after AP exams last year.

When you're walking, do you stop to drink?
Only if I have my inconvenient, reusable, open lid water bottle.

Do you believe that if you want something bad enough you'll get it?
Nope.

Have you ever kissed someone in a vehicle?
Same guy, different vehicles, once while trying not to cry.

Ever snuck out of your house?
Haha, it's pretty much the only thing that makes me a badass anymore.

What did you do today?
Woke up, went to India Grille with Viv and Erik. Accidentally met up with Kacey and Matti at Regal to see (500) Days of Summer with them and afore mentioned friends. Had lovely chats with Viv, got dropped off. Biked to Dan G.'s house. Biked back to Garnet Mine to meet up with him, then to Rob's neighborhood where we talked for well on two hours.

Do you like someone right this second?
Nope.

Would you ever betray a friend for personal gain?
In an unanticipated consequence, yes. Never intentionally or with malice.

What was the last thing you ate?
Milk and cookies!

Are you a morning person or a night person?
I haven't "seen" the morning since Stasi and I stayed up.

Do you snore?
When I have a cold or restricted nasal passage for some other reason.

Do you know anyone who has gotten an abortion?
Yes.

Are you talking to anyone while doing this?
Nah.

Do you want a relationship right now?
Kinda sorta. I want a physical relationship

True love or 1 billion bucks?
Gimme the billion bucks. I'll find the guy on my own.

Do you think too much or too little?
Both, depends on the context, usually, too much.

Is there someone who can always make you smile?
Indeedily.

How do you feel about your hair right now?
I'm a motherfucking sexy beast. Thanks long hair.

Do you toss & turn for hours at night or fall right to sleep?
I don't toss and turn, necessarily, but I will lie in bed thinking about things until I get sleepy.

Does the person you like, like you back?
As there are many involved, at least one, yes.

Do you want to see somebody right now?
Duh! Bein' alone and on the internet is boring.

What color are your nails right now?
That whole "natural pink color" thing.

Who was the last person to text you?
Dan G.

Could things possibly get any better?
Yeah, but frankly, things just get different.

Do you get along better with the same sex or opposite?
Opposite sex, unfortunately. I'm not good at keep female friends.

Has anyone said they love you in the last week?
Yes.

Will your next kiss be a mistake?
Haha, probably, but not one I'll regret.

Do you plan on sleeping in tomorrow?
Nope! 9 AM: Senior Portraits.

Do you consider yourself lucky?
Not "luck," but dear goodness, my life has been nothing but blessed.

Are you in a relationship?
Nope.

Who is your favorite person to text?
Probably Jeff, though I don't really like text conversations.

How many times have you been rejected by the opposite sex?
Wasiq, can I count the times I thrown myself upon you, only to be pushed away? But other than my deepest loss, yeah: Matt (freshman homecoming), Dave, and Jimmy.

Can you keep a secret?
Yep!

Have you ever made someone your everything?
Nah, the world is too big for that.

Are you an emotional person?
*sigh* Probably, though I wish so much I wasn't.

Are you a caring person?
Yeah.

Can you make people smile?
I try.

If you like someone do they know?
Nowadays, as soon as I know, they know.

What're some good qualities about yourself?
My smarts, memory, personality, boobs, abs, ass, legs, eyes, hair, arms, waist...

Where do you wish you were?
Haha, freakin' Italy after talking to Dan.

What was your last dream about?
Dave and I had a normal conversation. I dream about him a lot. :P

If you married the last person you texted, what would your last name?
I won't put that here for internet safety reasons, but y'all know what his last name is.

Were you happy when you woke up today?
Yes! I was excited to go to India Grille with Viv and Erik.

Monday, August 10, 2009

To Do List:

Maybe June 19th or 20th, I wrote a letter to myself with a list of things to do this summer. This is that list (italics mean it's completed):

Go on adventures. Read books. Do your summer work. Eat fruit. Climb trees. Keep secrets. Forget. Get drunk. Sing. Swim. Play guitar. Sneak out. Get high. Scream. Explore. Listen. Talk, but not too much. Knit. Hackysack. Learn. Draw. Paint. Photograph. Swing. Dream. Walk. Stargaze. Creek. Laugh. Smile. Watch movies. Build a birdhouse. Garden. Learn to can. Nap. Breathe. Blink. Masturbate. Cry. Be there. Go in hot tubs and pools. Make friends. Kiss. Party. Bike. Picnic. Wait. Volunteer. Write. Teach, but only by accident. Eat break and M&Ms. Get new sexy clothes and socks. Don't get bit by a zombie.* Talk like a pirate. Tell the truth. Spill my own secrets. Make new ones. Study Hi-Q. Pool with Wasiq. Get new albums. Send postcards. Write letters. Make Jello. Get a kiddie pool. Appreciate the hammock. Body surf. Find beach glass. Get ear pierced again. Smell the grass. Bake cookies, cakes, and other assorted baked goods. Firefly with Matt. Catch butterflies. Get over band. Program computers. Hang out with everyone I promised, especially Poofy. Drive. Admire thunderstorms. Jump in puddles. Don't be so scared to jump.** If confronted with it, jump off a high dive. Make wishes. Make love? Discuss philosophy and politics. Read Wiki. Find a "signature scent." Play "Best Day/Worst Day" with Molly and company. Inquire as where to get a fake ID. Finance my pranks. Devise better pranks. Get over Dave. Talk back. Graffiti. Sleep tight. Feel better about the Jimmy situation.

* Ongoing
** Metaphorically as well

Sunday, August 9, 2009

Recently

I went to one of Hetty's battle practices today. I had a lot of fun and got to see Dan who I haven't seen since prom for a total of two minutes.

I got creeped on and hit on in a creepy way. The second was flattering.

I was talking to Christian via Facebook chat about my status "...is frustrated with her clitoris," and he determined it is time to get me "layed." That was preceeded by me sharing all of my deepest darkest past that I sorta thought he knew, but he thought I fucked Dave, so apparently not, but whatever, because I told him the straight shimmy, but anway, THAT was followed by him realizing that the solution is to get Dave to fuck me, and then me Facebook chatting Dave, opening with the lines,
Hey
I gotta question
Do you want to fuck?

He said "uh" "not really" "I appreciate the bluntness though i really do"

The rest of the conversation was significantly less awkward, though by then my adrenaline was crashing and I wanted to go to bed. It was scarier than riding the roller coasters I hate. I made Christian psyche me out and I listened to Gonna Fly Now in my head before the chat. Also, I am scared and embarrassed to be near Dave in real life, so that wouldn't have worked, even if I really want it to.

Jeff and I visited Viv tonight. I missed her sooooooo much. She is hilarious and silly and we are probably going to see 500 Days of Summer this week and go tubing. Yo, e'rybody, tubing on Tuesday?

Jeff and I sorta kinda have a thing where we care deeply about each other as friends, but also sorta kinda romantically? But I don't want it to be secret because there's nothing there and not going to be anything and I feel really subversive about it and had a nightmare where I couldn't explain to Gina.

In the birthday present Abby got me, Wreck this Journal, there is a page for criticism. I wrote down one bad thought about everybody. Except Molly, apparently, because there's absolutely nothing I dislike about her except I don't see her all the time. Oh, and we didn't go to California. Take that, hoebag.

I kinda wish my stereotype was slut, rather than dork or nerd, which I assume it currently is. Unfortunately, I think even if I slept around, that it would hard for my good image to be tarnished unless I somehow convinced the nerds to sleep with me too.

Even after every talent and gift I have, I still wish I could sing.

"We are just kings on a chessboard painted pink and blue..."

I don't want to be in a relationship with Matt, I simply don't have the romantic feelings. But, I still want to spend a large portion of my time with him and am, to a reasonable degree, jealous of Brianna because their time together is not sparce and awkward.

I should be playing guitar or mandolin, right now.

You bitches should post things, so I can read things. Or we should just all hang out so you guys have stuff to write about.

I miss Hannah's blog. (But band camp is starting soon!)

I am excited for band camp and being a section leader (but mostly only the title and having a freshman buddy for the second).

10 months without an orgasm.

Uh... yeah. I'll probably hang out with Fava sometime after he gets back from wherever he is, even though I had two other offers to fix the previous problem.