Thursday, July 21, 2011

Late nights, I listen to jazz, play guitar, and read. Sometimes I sing.
How impossible.

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Loose Lips Sink Friendships

Odd thing to think about- there's an American flag in every single public school classroom in the good ole' U.S. of A.

Maybe it's for lack of air conditioner.

This is an important summer. There's a new sense of independence and self-sufficiency. Traveling was the first thing to bring it on, but this is the first summer I feel so comfortable with my parents. I've got my shit together, more or less, and I'm learning. I feel good in my sun burnt skin.

Coming home meant experiencing everyone again. College changed us, or we changed ourselves. There's an air of excitement. Yes, there have been times I've felt out of mind. I second guess myself. Those thoughts happen, and can be easily fought with a purpose. I'm going to try for biology. Chemistry is the only thing holding me back, but it's about time I developed a work ethic. I've got Gen. Chem. I from 11:00-11:50 MWF. When I consulted Alexis about the bio major, she said, "I always knew you'd turn to science." That's what Mr. P. said senior year. It's infinitely better than settling for an anonymous liberal arts degree for the sake of having a degree.

There's a tiny fear that I won't grow a pair and suck it up. I'm proving to myself that I really mean it. I just finished lecture two of MITs open courseware Calc class. I'm reading Plato's The Republic because I dropped political philosophy to take chemistry. I can teach myself anything in the liberal arts, and it would make me so much more the well rounded person to have a solid foundation in chemistry and physics. I want this.

Plus, I look super cute in a lab coat.

Tuesday, July 19, 2011


Saturday night, Joe invited a few of us over for a late night gathering. I'd spent the day lolling about the Grist Mill with cool kids, but felt extremely anxious about my loss of words, how I'd forgotten to speak. Being with these people I've known for so long put me completely at ease. It was warmth. It was tipsy friends telling jokes. It was watching smiles. When skinny dipping was suggested, I felt practically family. The moon was so bright it cast solid shadows on deck and lit the pool. I immediately wanted to dive. Looking into the water, I forgot how to dive. It's not something I do often, but something natural. I hesitated, then fell into a dive. I'd never felt more of more perfect form. My whole body extended and swooping through supportive medium. Even air felt custom designed for my body. We swam in the pool for a bit, eventually retreating to the warmth of the modest, bubbly hot tub. We had some conversations I really took to heart, and I fell even more in love with Meg and Joe. A little bit of that was jealousy, but it's more knowing that love can be made to work. Then Joe repeated requests for ladies to start making out, and the moment became something even more real. I remember how to speak.

Monday, July 18, 2011

Friday Beach, Monday Beach

Burnt both days.

Friday, my mom and I took a ladies' day to Ocean City, NJ. I was a bitch on the way there, but mostly calmed myself once at the shore. We both read pretty substantially, and I got in roughly two hours of swimming. Around 2, I walked over to Ben's shore house to catch up with lazy bum friends who hadn't come to the beach yet. It was so great seeing Jill, Steve, Matt, and Ben again, even though I'd seen Matt the week before. Ben, Steve, and I went swimming for a bit, talking music and movies and whether or not Eddie Murphy was going to be The Riddler in the newest Batman addition. He is not. We caught a wave in, and I joined Matt in sandcastle building. A young girl came to appraise our work, and Jill reported that a set of young boys had come around earlier like old art critics- solemnly and silently judging the mastery of sandcraft. We retired to talk around my mom for the remainder of my stay, talking crazy business ventures and the viability of food vending trucks as a legitimate career move. Mom said we must leave by 4, so I bid "goodbye until Canada," which was at least a pleasant thought. Just over the bridge back to the rest of Jersey, we got a flat tire. Luckily, the popo kindly stopped and helped us change tires. The rest of the ride was uneventful.

Monday! More beach! I spent the night at Katie's, running on six hours of sleep to tackle another day of ladies (+ Mr. R.). The ride down was fun, a little awkward, but went quickly. We stopped by their mom-mom's house for supplies and hellos, promising to see them later. The sand was soft, the water was cold, and the company agreeable. I read a little of Mrs. Dalloway and napped. We hit the Jersey Shore Wildwood style, and I thought of many a drumline night and whether or not the C.'s were down the beach too. It was a really great night, and the ride home almost better. Shannon and her friend, also a Katie, talked about senior pranks, so I got to share the beautiful and inspirational hopes of me and Matt. They had enviable imaginations, and it continued throughout the rest of the night.

Reprehensible Things

I think one of the worst things I've ever done was sing-scream, "Make me feel tiny if it makes you feel tall," at Trisha during a party at Sarah J.'s. It was certainly an apt line.