Cyanide and Happiness I'd like to find later

Female Empowerment
Any relationship I may ever have
Super Hero Man
I'd Agree
Disease Joke
For Molly
Damn Bears
It would make sense if he was a girl
The New Yorker
Fuck the New Yorker
PIGS
Power Outage
<3
I'd do it
Again
I've done it
More Cowbell
Violence is sometimes the answer
Protection: Use It
The Powers of Alcohol
Random Thoughts
Sammiches
Which One Will be Me?
He's a Lefty
Yes, yes I should if I haven't already
More Jokes of the Same
Waldo
Not Waldo
The Hitcher
More Female Empowerment
The Majority of AP Chemistry
And this existed before Pineapple Express
Holiday: 4/27
If Only
Almost Happened
Halloween
I'd Deal with This

OH the IRONY

1.	Creeper	629 up, 101 down
	A person who does weird things, like stares at you while you sleep, or looks at you for hours through a window. usually a close friend or relative. you know right away if that person is a creeper or does creeper things. it is not hard to spot the creeper. jeff was the "creeper" in the background This would be the first entry for "Creeper" in urbandictionary. Note the example.

For sale: baby shoes, never worn.

Hemingway's famous six word short story. He distinguishes it his best work. Since then, other authors, particularly sci-fi, have attempted their own of the sort and a few were collected at this website. So maybe some are five words and some are seven, these are my favorite.

From torched skyscrapers, men grew wings.
- Gregory Maguire

It cost too much, staying human.
- Bruce Sterling

Rained, rained, rained, and never stopped.
- Howard Waldrop

“I couldn’t believe she’d shoot me.”
- Howard Chaykin

Despite disorders, jafroed jewboy gets girl.
- Michael Eisner

Thought I would have more impact.
- Kevin Clark

Heaven falls. Details at eleven.
- Robert Jordan

Please, this is everything, I swear.
- Orson Scott Card

whorl. Help! I'm caught in a time
- Darren Aronofsky and Ari Handel

Dorothy: "Fuck it, I'll stay here."
- Steven Meretzky

Will this do (lazy writer asked)?
- Ken MacLeod

English Examples

Pun- “I have Che Guevara on my ‘change purse.” Also note, irony.

Double Entendre- “As a humor tool, it stands erect in the English language.” –Uncyclopedia.org

Simile- “He was grinnin’ like a possum eatin’ wasps.” –Viv/Meg D

Metaphor- "Your mom's a station wagon."

Analogy- “Guys, well they’re sorta like a bottle rocket.” –Jeff Foxworthy

Zeugma- Michael Phelps earned a new Olympic record and Cecilia’s heart.

Apposition- Chloe, possibly the laziest person in the class, had a lot of fun with these examples

Hyperbole- "There must have been about a million bees on my sister's swingset." -Somethingawful.com

Understatement- The Russian Revolution was a mild capitalism retardant.

Euphanism- "Your daughter’s 'finding Nemo, 'ya-yaing the sisterhood.'" –[H]ouse

Allusion- “English, you’ll be good at it! AAAARRRRRGH!” -Powerthirst

Polysyndeton- We biked and sat and stargazed and spoke and didn’t get caught by the cops.

Anadiplosis- “History passed into memory, memory faded with time, and time ceased to matter.” – Matt/Chloe’s best transition sentence ever

Chiasmus- I used to have a lot of space and no wife, now I have no space and a lot of wife.

Exclamation- As waited patiently in ACME — Jiminy! What a scare! — teenage hooligans jumped over baskets.

Rhyme- Purple nurple. Just rhymed the ‘unrhymable.’

Rhetorical Question- Why would you even think of something like that?!

The Grotesque- The Phantom of the Opera

Anachronism- "I am the girl anachronism." -Amanda Palmer

From the Mouth of my Mom

A mildly, awkwardly amusing story from the mouth of my mom.

I recently purchased a roll of duct tape from the dollar store for its infinite uses. Particularly the numerous uses associated with the band room. Upon leaving the store with this as well as our other purchases, my mom turned to me and asked, "You're not planning to use that on Dave are you?"

I laughed, said no, laughed again, wondered why that was the first thing that came to her mind, quickly became very uninterested, and sang along with the radio.

Bob Dylan

I recently took out Greatest from the library, and I've had a lot of fun listening to all of the songs from it.

Go 'way from my window,
Leave at your own chosen speed.
I'm not the one you want, babe,
I'm not the one you need.
You say you're lookin' for someone
Never weak but always strong,
To protect you an defend you
Whether you are right or wrong,
Someone to open each and every door,
But it ain't me, babe,
No, no, no, it ain't me, babe,
It ain't me you're lookin' for, babe.

Go lightly from the ledge, babe,
Go lightly on the ground.
I'm not the one you want, babe,
I will only let you down.
You say you're lookin' for someone
Who will promise never to part,
Someone to close his eyes for you,
Someone to close his heart,
Someone who will die for you an more,
But it ain't me, babe,
No, no, no, it ain't me, babe,
It ain't me you're lookin' for, babe.

Go melt back into the night, babe,
Everything inside is made of stone.
Theres nothing in here moving
An anyway I'm not alone.
You say you're looking for someone
Who'll pick you up each time you fall,
To gather flowers constantly
An to come each time you call,
A lover for your life an nothing more,
But it ain't me, babe,
No, no, no, it ain't me, babe,
It ain't me you're lookin' for, babe.

Trust

Drumline mantra and a tiny little issue I have. I don't trust myself to make other people feel good. Usually I don't consider it, and more often I don't care, but I didn't believe Dave. I hope it's experience and religion that's let me down and not people, because I don't have faith in myself. I wanted evidence and I don't have it for emotion.

Interpreting Dreams and Songs

I dream very often, and remember them with about as much frequency, even if it's only color or movement. However, if a dream is especially emotional or I wake up in the middle of it, I'll remember the plot and details. Zombies frequent my dreams, as do my friends and school.

The first time I dreamed of Dave, before we were dating, I had gone to a party at Jennica's house and nonchalantly made out with her a man supposedly her older brother, Tony W. We had been sitting around a cushioned, low lying table surrounded by laughing people oblivious to us. Laughingly, I walked out of the bright, white room through an open doorway, and Dave was leaning against the adjacent wall to my left. My dream conveyed the emotions better than the look he gave me, but with an expressionless, indifferent face, he was hurt and angry and disappointed in me. Stumbling out of the house and onto the lawn, I discovered myself naked, in a bathrobe, but ashamed of my actions and not my appearance. He walked to the door and slowly shut it on me.

The second time, I was at band camp and being rather cheery and helpful to the freshmen, when Dave and Scott M. showed up with guitars in Tuxedo shirts talking to Mr. Richards. Dave turned to look at me, and I smiled, but he shook his head and averted his eyes.

There have been many other dreams with him, but as a presence and not interacting. Also within the last month have been two significant dreams with Matt in them. I'll finish this some other time.

When I listen to "Backstabber" by the Dresden Dolls, I picture myself as the backstabber. Listening to "The Best Deceptions" by Dashboard Confessional I imagine myself being the giver of the awkward last kiss that tells of other people's lips. I try to take Bright Eyes' advice and "not wonder who may have been me before." I was "Not the Same" after that. If I can't trust, I can't be "Trusted." Oh well.

I don't talk anymore

Next time you see dave, please tell him sorry i never saw him again for a proper goodbye and it was great to hang out with him this summer .....

..... and that if he breaks your heart We'll break his neck =P
-Jeff

Awwwwww chloe, i love and miss you. My roommate and i are running around and getting free things to decorate our room XD makes me think about you =P
- Gina

That was awesome.
-Dave

I take a tip from you as the highest honor anyone can recieve, no matter the amount.
-Matt

Just knowing I was there is good enough. I dream about you a lot. :P
-Dave