Sometimes, I wish I'd been born a boy with the same mentality. If I was a boy, my art and literature would be downplayed in favor of my above average abilities in the sciences. There wouldn't be the household implications that Jack is free to come and go, while I am a frail and impregnable girl. No one would ever call me a slut or a whore or a bitch. There are no standards that require boys to be photoshopped to be beautiful. Girls writing love letters are heartsick, trite. Drinks would be more expensive, but I don't imbibe, so what benefit have I really lost?

I didn't realize I was so far discarded my irreplaceable friend.

People from a generation past don't really frown so much on smoking cigarettes, because they remember being teenagers, and hey, at least it's legal.

It's a dumb rule that NAHS won't let first year seniors wear the chords. Luckily, Q&S does. :]

Cartwright knows something, but I don't know what...

Today in photoclub, I was surreally surrounded by good feelings and people. Gabby said I was awesome. Becca talked about V for Vendetta. Kira and I talked and shared goldfish (blah blah blah blah). I helped Kristin with math homework and told Eva how to cheat in AP Chem. It was saddening to talk to Emily, but still good to see her. Kate was making an adorable bracelet and we talked about drumline. Sarah and I talked for the first time since Exploratory Art together, though I think circumstance will have us interact over the summer. Dan and Brandon weren't there.

Bucci is displeased with my art submission, but there are only four entries and two are photography, so I'm probably looking at ~$150. There are two entries for the logo, me and Gabby. We'll see how the coming weeks stack up.

I miss Sarah in a similar way to Jimmy. Life is going well without her, but I know I'm missing out by not having her in my life.

Spring is Springing

I've lost the will to write for the sake of writing. This is forced. Partially it has to do with my limited awareness during the day. I'm interacting all the time, but not meaningfully. With the current groups I hang along the edges, I'd predict four people to openly question my whereabouts should I ship out for a few days. The weather's getting nicer. It'd be lovely to run away.

I thought I heard a beautiful analogy today, but I didn't write it down.

Bucci swore I'm meant for art, that I'll be calling her a few years from now and telling her she's always been right. Hopefully it won't take a couple years to find what I'm really after. At the honor society induction, it sucked looking at what everyone was wearing, and remembering of my outfit "hand-me-down," "Goodwill," "hand-me-down," "Goodwill." I think it was the same for my mom. I hate inviting her to things, because then she has to see the other parents. It was tough, always getting dropped off outside McMansions. She called us "second hand roses," in honor to the Streisand song. It's why I don't give a fuck about crimes against property.

It makes me upset when kids don't have lunches to eat.

There's No Turning Back

"a silly little skeleton walking miles to chase her dreams..."

I'm gonna learn to sing these songs.

Take me to an ocean all yours.

I'd like to write Sharpie over my whole body. It'd be art.
First, I'd like to be 18 to keep pictures.

Today was some tough stuff.
Maybe after break it will be less hectic.