Response to my Note Passing

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Which translates to: I loue you too

6/8 of the Drafts I've Typed

You're super hot and have very pretty features, kinda like a doll. He understands water and dirt and flowers. He's practical. Place the stones at my head and tell them all that I done. You're good. Now it's just pleasure and vinyl. They're like zombies or sadists or something.

Thunderstorms, wrap-around porches, homemade lemonade, tiki torches, technicolor pachyderms it's really too much for me, this machine surrounds hate and forces it to surrender Why is there a tambourine attached to a cowbell?

But in the hereness of dusk I am moving towards the doomlike bells through the flowered air, beneath the rising moon.

Legal Jargon vs. Plain English, Copyright Law Legal systems of other countries, Ganja Queen, what are the colorful tubes in between a tractor trailer, why do shapes taste better than noodle, ageism in 55+ communities

That's better than the bullet that killed Kennedy.

My dream gave me three options: I could sneak back and let everybody know with the hose, become bitter about it like Tom Brokaw, Stay here and follow that duck, or start a band.


Of course the ones I don't publish have the most meaning, and I'll probably delete them soon. There are moments where quotes will strike me, or I'll need to write something down, and so I save them in drafts. This is that assembly of spontaneous thoughts worth saving.

My Top 50 Most Played

1. Farmhouse
2. Always
3. Chasing Cars
4. Stolen
5. First Date
6. Semi Charmed Life
7. Wish You Were Here
8. Yellow
9. All My Loving
10. I've Just Seen a Face
11. Hands Down
12. Calling You
13. Honey and the Moon
14. Closing Time
15. All You Need is Love
16. Missed the Boat
17. Fix You
18. Going to California
19. Beloved
20. Samson
21. Do You Believe in Magic
22. Bug
23. Fidelity
24. The Flowers
25. Crazy for This Girl
26. Lizzy
27. Long Walk Home
28. Old Man
29. I Want You
30. The Best Deceptions
31. Radio Nowhere
32. Somedays
33. Lover I Don't Have to Love
34. The General
35. You Can't Always Get What You Want
36. Not the Same
37. You and Me
38. Laid
39. The Connection
40. Secret Smile
41. Black Hole Sun
42. 4:16
43. Pennies from Heaven
44. Devil's Arcade
45. Together
46. Piazza, New York Catcher
47. I Miss You
48. The Great Gig in the Sky
49. Screaming Infidelities
50. What's My Age Again?

I listen to songs that remind me of him a lot

Waste

Every single Phish song I own reminds me of Dave. One towards the end of gym class he thought the "Wish You Were Here" shirt Molly got me for Christmas said, "Phish." I'd always associated him with the band even if I wasn't specifically sure why I'd picked up the connection. He has some ridiculous amount of Phish on his iPod; something around 10 GB. Before there were even speckles of interest, during the Stink Bomb Crisis, I checked out all of the available Phish albums from Brandywine Hundred and set to listening. I didn't keep everything, in fact, I didn't keep much. One of the outstanding songs was Waste. The lyrics are fantastic and the mood is so calm and mellow it's a wonderful lounging song. I distinctly remember telling Dave that I had listened to Waste and watched the sun set, at least a month before my birthday party. About a week before my birthday, he sent me Farmhouse, one song from White Tape, and the rest of Led Zeppelin IV I did not already have. During my party, after I had just barely escaped bearwrestling on a technicality, Farmhouse came on over the loudspeakers and we made eye contact, and I smiled and sang a little. Farmhouse especially reminds me of him.

Ice Cream and Thousand Legger Bugs

The worst of all legged abominations and yummy ice cream. A very nice evening with friends, and I stopped being angry, and I stopped being angry at myself for letting my mom get to me. We were sitting in a booth, with Jeff to my left and Lexi to my right in the aisle. Jeff was asking me about a Journalism class I don't have, and to my horror slightly to the right of his shoulder was a thousand legger bug crawling across the wall. I froze in shock and repulsion and started backing out of the booth. Eventually it was made clear my fear, and we moved to another table after Jeff failed at being the boy in the situation. So sitting at this other table without walls bordering it, I thought we were safe. However, I was leaning back in my chair as we were ready to leave, and Abby gasped, "Chloe, behind you!" And there on the wall, maybe not inches from my head and Dave's alpaca, was another bug. I screamed, jumped, and ran outside. Luckily we'd been ready to pay.

NMbtV

Fuck this. I'd been more than satisfied with any time we had together, but then my mom made me realize the only things we've done at his house since becoming "official" are watch horrible movies OnDemand, sports, or fool around. Anything in public we've done has been coincidence or at my suggestion and he's never suggested something for us to do. I'll try to let him know that I'm pissed, but I'm not putting this lifestyle changing effort for something that might make him happy or might make him think of Sarah. Sarah scares the shit out of me, in case anyone was wondering. I still think they're a way better couple than we ever will, and she wasn't a secret. I feel like she's the Gina to JoeKat, but without as much hate. Just a lot of indifference, which is even worse in my book.