Friday, December 11, 2009

Movie Tickets from my Memory Box

Casino Roy
11/25/06 with Dad, Jack, Jeanne, Karen, Kathy, "cousins," ???

DCI
8/8/07 with Jeff, Drew, JoeKat, Jeremy, Abby, Sarah, ???

Across
9/21/07 with Viv, Jeff, Nicki, Scott, Molly, Matt, Abby, Sarah, Erik (?), Steph (?), JoeKat (?), ???

Across
10/06/07 with Mom and Jack

I Am Legen
12/20/07 with Matt, ???

Cloverfiel
1/22/08 with JoeKat, ???

Jumper
2/17/08 with JoeKat, ???

Juno
1/27/08 with Mom

Vantage Po
3/15/08 with JoeKat, Abby, Matt, ???

Wanted
6/5/08 with Jack, Dave, Trisha, Nicki, Matt, Hetty, ???

Mamma Mia (actually Pineapple Express)
8/11/08 with Dave, Taylor J., Conrad F., Pat F., ???

Lakeview (actually Religilous)
10/04/08 with Dave, Jeff, Matt, ???

Quantum
11/22/08 with Mom and Jack

Valkyrie
12/27/09 with Matt

Milk
12/21/08 with Molly, Jeff, ???

Watchmen
2/8/09 with Matt, Jeff, Sarah, Molly, ???

Coraline 3D
3/26/09 with Jimmy

UP
6/23/09 with Jimmy

Bruno
7/10/09 with Jeff

Harry Potter
7/23/09 in OC, MD with Jack and Stasi

Ugly Truth (Actually DCI Show)
8/06/09 with Jeff

500 Days
8/11/09 with Viv and Erik

Lying
10/03/09 with Meg, Joe, Adam, Stasi, and AJ

Capitalism
10/04/09 with Matt

Things in my Memory Box

list of senior pranks
letter from Kim
poem from Stasi
3D glasses
drawing from Kira we can never show Eric or Wasiq
personal list of beautiful words and things
letter from Jeff
three month anniversary present from Jimmy
money
"things that rhyme with 'ail'" paper from Dave
'09 New Year's Resolution 24/36 completed
Flying Pikachu card
Surfing Pikachu card
flying pig encased in glass
light up penis lollipop plastic base
drumline bracelet
necklace
marijuana seed
Longwood Garden ticket from filming our US project
Billy Joel & Elton John Face 2 Face ticket
Riverlink Ferry ticket from blink-182 ticket
pink "T-MOB" wrist band from blink-182 concert
"How to Recognize Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever" game card
rough draft of 3 month anniversary present to Dave
2 free pizza slices at the Laser Dome ticket
West Chester "Music in Motion" '08 ticket
Homecoming '08 ticket
Prom '09 ticket
University of Delaware vs. West Chester football game ticket
two Friendly's smiley face stickers previously used as nipple pasties
plastic fancy toothpick from casino
movie tickets

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

"i luv u"

My mom has, by far, the worst text grammar of anyone I converse with. However, this is usually the entirety of any message she'll send. Last night, a little after midnight, I called in need of someone to talk to. I was so relieved to the point of shaking when she suggested driving over and talking in the car. Unfortunately, she had taken her medication, rendering her unable to drive or fulfill her suggestion. It hurt some, especially knowing that through circumstance, my mom could not be there for me. Growing up in a divorced home, daily life is easy. It just took some getting used to with the schedule and there's two Christmases. However, long term, I do not want any child of mine to grow up without a mom, for legal or biological reasons. Once I get into the full swing of adulthood, I have to get "evaluated," to be sure I did not inherit the same biological faults of my mom, even though I'm grateful for the Berbee boobs. We talked about it, the distance between us and what kind of adult I will be, like her or not. She spoke of times she wouldn't let Jack or I see her cry. I thought of Disney World, the first time I did see her cry. When I could get through my own tears and sputtered chokings, I spewed my fears and frustrations, my dissatisfaction and self-doubt. I explained and labeled my feelings as best I could, feeling entirely childish for this cumulative frothing of emotion. The phone call gave me more things to think about, rather than ease my anxieties. This tired and torrential morning, Mr. L. so effortlessly heard my few, nonchalant words, and assured me with more words than the cliches my mom offers. Still, the problems exist and will return again.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

PSU and Navy Too

I just want to get into shitty, not-good-enough Temple and take generic courses to get nameless degree to get menial job where the piece of paper is only the admission ticket, and then they completely retrain you to fit whatever mold they require. My check has not yet been received. My online application has not yet been processed. I couldn't apply to PSU. I don't think I'd make main anyway. I gave my contact information to a Navy recruiter, and I don't want to do that either. If possible, I'd like to be great at something I'm passionate about, not "above average" in a bunch of things I'm fairly indifferent to. I'd like to have any passion, so to speak. Oh my Jesus.

Monday, December 7, 2009

221

Today, I did some personal math in, of all classes, math. Looking at things only in terms of time and money is really, really disheartening. Throw in a deadline, some distance, a dispersion of friends, an absence, a silence, brings inevitable end. It is very dark in the future, because everything is such a mystery.

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Christmas Is Coming

But it's always coming except two days a year.
There are large things I want this year, and I would be very content to get none of them, as I don't need anything I don't already have. An electric guitar, nothing fancy, just not "my first guitar" from Target or some like. A camera that is not point and shoot. A car, but I continue to not want to drive.

A fun and hilarious role-playing scenario would be President/Intern.
An unfun situation would be David Letterman/Intern.