Thursday, October 15, 2009

songs I listened to recently

Australia
Poison Oak
Lime Tree
Napoleon's Hat
As Time Goes By
Teeth in the Grass
In the Valley
In the Sun
Honey and the Moon
Tangerine
Going to California
Us and Them
Time
I've Just Seen a Face
American Pie
The General
Mr. Tambourine Man
Within You
Vera
I'da Called You Woody, Joe
1930
You Keep the Diner, We're Getting a Divorce
Mr. Larkin
Day n Nite
Hero
She's Got You High
Everlong
No One Knows
Bonfire
All My Days
Wait
Orange Sky
Crinan Wood
The Twist
Modern Leper

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Analogy and Tautology

"I won't dare give this hideous imitation a name. That would legitimize it."
"Giving Frankenstein a name wouldn't have made him any less a monster."

"Good! Fucking goddammit! You didn't deserve to see it. It would have been too good for you."

When the lightbulb went out, I sat for days, weeping in darkness, lamenting the loss of a good bulb and lack of a new one.

I watched the moon turn into the sun and the bats turn into birds and the transmutation of night to day was over.

production is consumption

and all your brilliance washed over me, blinding

the sun's light has to travel 93 million miles
I could never travel that in lifetimes
and I will not remember this moment of sunlight that has traveled so far for an instant

how many fucks didn't you give?
Zero. I gave zero fucks.

and in this mad and rushing collective, resentment

Has it sunk this far? Is it me you don't trust? or yourself? Can you even believe this? Can you even fucking believe it. Pussy.

I'm writing, writing, writing letters. It's for my health and not for you.

Call me out, but
please
please
please
call me up sometime

the spiral is exciting
I know I will not die
the plunging rush of failure
is how you start to fly

didn't listen to the song
just thought the plot was good

the night is so cold and the shoes are too small and the dress is too big and the quiet hopefulness growing too fast

pull out that list, baby

FUCK YOUR CONTROLS!
(this was written for somebody else, but I have adopted it)

Chloe likes limes and Lime Tree and where did those girls go?

let's hope somebody just turned off the light
rather than the bulb being burnt out

I do not respect martyrs for their death, but their life.

yes, yes, this smug smile's for you

"I poured my heart out"

Who the hell are you? Definitely not the savior I knew.

One of the reasons I am an atheist, besides my worship of reason, is seeing my mother beaten down by the god she follows so faithfully

You are ugly and so are your heart and your shoes!

[edit: I am going to replace you with pictures of older you, when you looked happy.]

Monday, October 12, 2009

Found/48 [no more, no less]

And so, now that there is no more hand holding, I am going to let go, and there will be nothing to stop me.

Two days ago, I woke up at 5 AM so that Matt's dad could pick me up on our way to Jersey for Duel on the Delaware. Because of my early attendence, my assigned volunteer position was that of parking staff. I wore a nifty orange jacket and sat on a chair and nearly fell asleep. Sometime around 8, I was dismissed, and left to my own wandering devices. There was lots of food with sugar in it. Therefore, I ate lots of sugary foods. After I realized I could go to the pit area and talk with the functioning team, it was much more enjoyable and less absolutely tiring. My job was stake out the competition and take notes. Eventually, I made a friend. After we got eliminated in semi-finals, it was much easier to talk to people, especially as the SAT kids had arrived. Cleaning up was alright, because it kept me busy. The ride home was pleasant. That night, I snuck out. 'twas fun.

Yesterday, Viv invited me to travel with her to Michael's and Target, a lovely ride in Earl, and then a return home where we would commence making rainbow cupcakes. While we were sidetracked by super-gluing her sister's leg shut from an accidentally self-inflicted knife wound, I eventually settled in to watching last week's episode of house and eating cupcake batter from the bowl. Chase took off his shirt, James Earl Jones is talented, and cupcake batter is delicious. The show was playing over Viv's Mac (go PC), on her counter, so we could both watch. I, leaning over the counter in a pulled up chair, watched Viv organize bowls and dye and utensils. It made me feel like a little kid.

Today, Matt, Gary, Kate, Hannah, and I went to Linvilla Orchards to try and get class-worthy photographs for Matt. Unfortunately, Linvilla is not the place for artistic or scenic photography, but still the family-friendly stomping grounds of my childhood. Besides it crawling with small children, I had a splendid afternoon. Everyone went on the hayride, tried "cider doughnuts," looked at chickens and fancy pidgeons. Afterwards, Matt and I went to Clayton Park so he could finish up his roll of film. We hopped a chain link fence. Behind the fence were rusty construction vehicles with plants growing over them. Photogenic! Band was chilly. I make up words to America. It feels subtly hostile to be there and there's really no reason for me to stick out the season. But, I still kick butt and it would be pointless to switch out now, even if I want to go to the football games as a spectator.

Sunday, October 11, 2009

The Twilight Zone

"Martin, I only wanted to tell you that this is a wonderful time of life for you. Don't let any of it go by without enjoying it. There won't be any more merry-go-rounds, no more cotton candy, no more band concerts. I only wanted to tell you that this is a wonderful time for you. Now. Here. That's all. That's all I wanted to tell you. God help me. That's all I wanted to tell you.

Martin, age thirty-six, vice-president in charge of media. Successful in most things but not in the one effort that all men try at some time in their lives - trying to go home again. And also like all men perhaps there'll be an occasion, maybe a summer night sometime, when he'll look up from what he's doing and listen to the distant music of a calliope, and hear the voices and the laughter of the people and the places of his past. And perhaps across his mind there'll flit a little errant wish, that a man might not have to become old, never outgrow the parks and the merry-go-rounds of his youth. And he'll smile then too because he'll know it is just an errant wish, some wisp of memory not too important really, some laughing ghosts that cross a man's mind, that are a part of the Twilight Zone."

This is how I want to write; these are the ideas I want to write about. It's not about the past, not any past I long for, but the innocence. The Twilight Zone is my favorite television show, for this episode, for others, the writing, the memories- the New Year's Eves of childhood watching a marathon on Sci-Fi. I want to share beautiful, meaningful things, and this show is one of them.