Scientia sine arte nihil est

I don't know whose hand hung Hesperus in the sky, and fixed the Dog Star, and scattered the shining dust of Heaven, and fired the sun, and froze the darkness between the lonely worlds that spin in space.
-- Gerald Kersh

Every so often, Science-Fiction and abstract reasoning call me with a largeness I cannot comprehend, let alone quantify. What is the universe made of? How am I, a bunch of atoms, capable of studying other atoms? Does time exist if nothing is happening to mark its passage? I assume there are a finite number of protons in this world? Can they be broken up? Have we lost any? Do we have an inkling of how many there are? Can the universe have weight? It has mass and a lot of vacuum, but is there gravity acting outside of it? What about the gravity acting inside of it? What is the universe expanding into? The speed of light is dependent on the medium, and I always considered that a vacuum was not a medium, but I guess it is. Traveling through nothing means you can go a lot faster. If there was an infinitely long, frictionless path, arbitrarily in the -y with gravity acting on it, would, theoretically, an object fall long enough to turn into light? Right now, I'm sitting where I once cried on the floor wrapped up in your arms. How can I explain my thoughts? Why do they exist? How does existence, atoms of molecules of compounds of cells of tissue of organs of a body, somehow produce a being capable of thought? How does this physical form manage to function long enough to grow old enough to appreciate the life it was given? to fall innocently in love?

My Day/Two Days

My Day:
Almost had a solo orgasm in the wee hours of the morning
Represented HiQ, a lucky break of guesses and questions from my section had me lookin' outstanding on stage
Mrs. Bucci spontaneously told me that I had the potential for a career in art
"Surly, Apathetic Teenager Compares Herself to Bear Riding Bus" got an Honorable Mention in the PhilWP
Animation Instructor titled me as her Head Animator and Right Hand Lady when she debuted our terrifying animated short for the rest of MOE
As the bronze heart charm necklace lay nestled on my bosom, I appreciated my body and the boys who have loved it

Two Days (the twins):
HiQ meet today was spectacular. A number of the questions were ones that we had specifically gone over and over and over and had become near jokes at that point. Highlights included three pulled-from-my-ass saves, pointing to Wasiq in saying, "Sheikh Jarrah," Kevin Day being adorable, hands shaking as he buzzed in a toss up question, him and James being acknolwedged as twins by Radnor's advisor, Strath Haven kids getting directions to Concord Pike Pizza, setting us on a Holy Mission to destroy Penncrest, and generally enjoying the free Aquapods provided by our reception.

Two Days (numerical calendar days until another memory passes):
HiQ Championships! The last home meet of my senior year means the last home meet ever. After Penncrest, my sweater will have lost its functionality as a symbol of something it is, and become something that was. Four years: untold meet hours, studying hours, Friendly's Hours, talking about it hours, Rock Band party hours. Next Tuesday, I have Mrs. Rock for Macro, Gov, HiQ ENH, and after school. I see her more than either of my parents. HiQ has been more than some academic competition or something to pass the time, and its time is about to pass.

"Girl, I want to lay you down by the fire with a bowl of popcorn and watch some Fresh Prince reruns."

Educa-shun

AP Gov is one of my favorite classes. It's probably because of Mrs. Rock and the class discussions and the preponderance of intellectually and visually stimulating guys in the class. Admittedly, there has only been one test for us to fail thus far, but I am indifferent to my grades. That apathy is not a result of impending senioritis. It's been my work ethic since sophomore year. Strangely enough, this entire year has actually brought a clarification of learning. All of my classes are engaging. It's almost frightening. Up until recently, I've attributed this interest to the fact nearly all of the classes I'm taking present new material. Literature finally broached some serious analysis, in limited content. Psych was a phenomenal classroom experience besides the entire field of information I'd never been academically exposed to. Even Topics and Color & 2D held my focus and deserved some degree of effort. Now, economics is rousing and relevant and there's lots of candy. Gov is surprisingly contentious, and no one is hesitant to voice a view in opposition to Mrs. Rock. Even in the short time, Drawing & Painting has improved my skills. Physics feels entirely new, and I'm wonderfully engaged. While the majority of these classes had no previous knowledge base for me, I wonder if maybe I simply never took advantage of the amazing curriculum at GV before. Perhaps these new revelations are not a result of new learning, but a new perspective that I unconsciously assumed. Also, my teachers are kick ass this year.

Odd Thoughts:

If someone were to get freaky with identical twins one night, and get pregnant from the galavantings, there would no way to tell who the father was. Similarly, if a set of identical male twins married a set of identical female twins, the children from the resulting pairings would genetically be siblings.

Memories aka Stories

Spring:
Obama rally
Won 3rd place highest individual scorer at Villanova's trash-bowl as a freshman
Met Ken Jennings
Bear wrestling for the first time
Badminton Accident, mom found my hickey
Sexually harassed Downingtown tenor kid
Swimming in the Brandywine with Abby and Trisha in our shirts and underwear
Trisha and I wearing pirate hats during Steve's solo
Being a zombie in "Pride and Prejudice"
The filming of "Quake"
Dress shopping with Stasi
Coffee house
Ran through the rain holding hands
Walked from school to Matt's house after HiQ
Job shadowed an anarchist bookstore
Disneyworld, seeing my mom cry for the first time
Apples to Apples game where Erik and Gina were cheating and we didn't catch on, even when "baby showers" beat "super guiro" for the "Sexy" card
Brave New Voices Slam Poetry finals
Strenth and Conditioning with Wasiq
HiQ States
HiQ Rock Band Party: All expert instruments for "Any Way You Want It"
Wasiq and Amora dueting in another HiQ Rock Band Party
Pit Video Game: Level One
Attempting to dye my hair with Jell-O, because we didn't have Kool-Aid
Emily's Birthday Party, Coffee Station, lead singer of Fall Out Boy
Garnet Valley Nature Club aka One of My Favorite Field Trips
TIA Championships: finding four leaf clover
Wildwood, year one, first time seeing SNL, terribly impressed with music, perfect seats, swimming, failed and wheezy donut run
Wildwood, year two, dissatisfied with music, only one to swim
Wildwood, year three, swimming and running away, vindicated Donut Run, even if it was closed
Casino adventure with fancy Shirley Temple

Summer:
Gone down the Brandywine on an inflatable whale
Parasailing
Cried a single tear during UP, both times I saw it
Prom, watching Rob bundle a crate of Tasty Kakes to his car
Cossart Road, first time with Viv in torrential downpour
Skinny dipping at dawn in the ocean
Screamed into the wind, "baring my soul (and my titties)"
Drunk bus!
Buy pot from a Jamaican who called Stasi sexy
Hugged a guy in a Mr. Peanut suit
Basically everything about that week with Katie
Bollywood Movie Party!
Dorney Park, traffic back up, gettin' creeped on, boys missing roller coaster for talking math
Went to a West Chester Music in Motion Show
Snuck into a DCI show
Missed our flight home because dad misread AM for PM
Ran (walked) through a corn-field under the full moon
Steve and me: Pirate Adventure!
Merry dozen of princesses visit Tom H.
Fourth of July, skinny dipping/streaking
Steph's Grad Party
Rocky Horror Picture Show Party "Do you have anything that doesn't taste like make up."
-I won a penis shaped lollipop
Geohashing, also dressed like a pirate
First Friday in Philly
LARPing
First time a boy told me they loved me was in a hammock
Belted out "Amazed" at 3 AM
Scavenger Hunt
Snuck out to watch the Perseid Meteor Shower, got stopped by cops
12 mile suburban hike
Truth or Dare at Abby's Birthday
Snuck into Religilous
blink-182 concert, met blink-182, they signed my underwear, drunk man grabbed me
Viv tells scary stories, we catch fireflies
Getting a balloon at the West Chester Diner
Having pancakes and sex toys with Emily
HiQ MarioKart party
Circle Time

Fall:
Hallelujah, Ben Folds, & The Freshmen
Witnessed "The Battle of the D." West Chester and UD played each other
Cossart Road, getting chased
Orgasm at the Grist Mill
Unrelatedly, had a long conversation with Pat and Taylor at the Grist Mill
Flying to Duke, feeling alive, impressing security personnel with my shoes
Walked from the school to Molly's house, looked at the tree graffiti
Noopur's Birthday Party where we danced like white girls and played capture the flag
Noopur's Birthday where Lexie's baby turned on at 3 in the morning
Hayride with Matt, Gary, Kate, and Hannah
"Make a hole!"
The Cricket
Dressed like a pirate at Longwood
Sarah's 16th Birthday Party
Gluing Viv's sister's leg shut in a parking lot in Chester
Viv made the most beautiful cupcakes, then we watched the best episode of [H]ouse since the first season
First Pit Party
Epic "Bottle Cap War"
"Second Degree Burns" Party

Winter:
"Fuck Shoes" Party, Jeff sets his on fire
"Ice in the D.'s Yard" party
Laser tag at the Laser Dome
Hot Tub party where the boys hair froze
Going to Old Country Buffet after that drumline show
GV goes to States, "HERSHEY!"
"HERSHEY" on the hill <-- possibly my proudest moment
Scrumptious course chocolate dinner
"Not last!" First!
Gave road head
Coffee house
Late night Tom Jones
Dresden Dolls concert
Sarah getting us pirate costumes for the first band concert
Saw Precious in a theater full of black people
Watching [H]ouse: Three Stories and eating left over Christmas cookies with Matt
Lying on the floor of Matt's living room with him and Jeff, listening to "Wait, Wait Don't Tell Me"
Stencil'd a gas station
Cossart Road, walked up to the house and took pictures
Longwood Fireworks show
Staying up to watch the first sunrise of '09
(really not) Sexy shower party/streaking
Meghan's Diner after the inauguration ceremony "Keep the change we can believe in"
Little brother hit by car
Matt teaching me my first riff on guitar
Father Deer Hands

Man, Imma go take a nap. I'll edit this later.

Athazagoraphobia

"Don't let yesterday take up too much of today." The first time I saw this sign, it read, "If I act like somebody else, who will be me?" Driving around last night with the windows open and music blasting, my thoughts were bouncing between then and now. The days I walked out there. The nights I wished I was walking.

It's snowing again.

Besides the sunlight, I miss walking.

"So here is the point of everything I have been trying to say. If I were to give a brace to you, now, I would measure your wrist twice." I would like to reread Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close. It would remind me of Viv and Jeff and the summertime. I would like to pour out my soul in touch tone. 696664746734222446464774377668247434776653263426769688641

"Stalin found out about the community and sent his thugs in, just a few days before I got there, to break all of their arms! That was worse than killing them! It was a horrible sight, Oskar: their arms in crude splints, straight in front of them like zombies! They couldn't feed themselves, because they couldn't get their hands to their mouths! So you know what they did!"
"They starved?"
"They fed each other! That's the difference between heaven and hell! In hell we starve! In heaven we feed each other!"
"I don't believe in the afterlife."
"Neither do I, but I believe in the story."

So Pleased with a Daydream

I've been playing Bright Eyes again. Playing a lot of guitar in general. I've added another couple bar chords to memory and more party songs to my repetoire. The songs of my own composition haven't been very coherent as of late. But then again, I haven't had time or inspiration.

After submitting the FAFSA, I got an expected EFC of 20. That number alone is completely out of context, so I looked up the scaling. Lower is better. The minimum is a reasonable 0, and there is no determined max, only that a score of 4000 is the upper-most cut off for a Pell grant.

Whenever considering a college, the motto is, "Don't let cost limit your options!" I'm not sure what idiot is telling kids that, but cost was pretty much my number one consideration in applying. Therefore, my applications were sent out to two schools. Temple, because it is my number one; and Penn State, because it was determined fairly late that I probably should have a number two. I heard from Temple two weeks ago and am still waiting to see if I got into the Honor's Program. PSU got back to me today, and UP is no longer accepting students. While a blow to my pride, I defer the decision as being because of my late application and tell myself, "I'm wouldn't have gone to middle of nowhere, PA, with classes as big as my whole high school, and a student population where 20% of them binge drink every week." The problem of drinking is so bad at the #1 Party School, that This American Life did a terrifying show about it. My parents are excited I'm going anywhere. First generation college kid! Rural PA can suck racist dick! I'm going to North Philly.

Twice in my life, I've had to leave a guy just as the sun was coming around. Unfortunately, on the most beautiful evening, when Stasi and I stayed up well into the morning to watch the sun rise over the Atlantic, it was a rainy day and a stunningly fabulous experience.

Grudgingly frustrated as I am to be in band, I'm glad it's with the freshmen and Kate.

"The arc of time, the stench of sex
The innocence you can't protect"