Interpreting Dreams and Songs

I dream very often, and remember them with about as much frequency, even if it's only color or movement. However, if a dream is especially emotional or I wake up in the middle of it, I'll remember the plot and details. Zombies frequent my dreams, as do my friends and school.

The first time I dreamed of Dave, before we were dating, I had gone to a party at Jennica's house and nonchalantly made out with her a man supposedly her older brother, Tony W. We had been sitting around a cushioned, low lying table surrounded by laughing people oblivious to us. Laughingly, I walked out of the bright, white room through an open doorway, and Dave was leaning against the adjacent wall to my left. My dream conveyed the emotions better than the look he gave me, but with an expressionless, indifferent face, he was hurt and angry and disappointed in me. Stumbling out of the house and onto the lawn, I discovered myself naked, in a bathrobe, but ashamed of my actions and not my appearance. He walked to the door and slowly shut it on me.

The second time, I was at band camp and being rather cheery and helpful to the freshmen, when Dave and Scott M. showed up with guitars in Tuxedo shirts talking to Mr. Richards. Dave turned to look at me, and I smiled, but he shook his head and averted his eyes.

There have been many other dreams with him, but as a presence and not interacting. Also within the last month have been two significant dreams with Matt in them. I'll finish this some other time.

When I listen to "Backstabber" by the Dresden Dolls, I picture myself as the backstabber. Listening to "The Best Deceptions" by Dashboard Confessional I imagine myself being the giver of the awkward last kiss that tells of other people's lips. I try to take Bright Eyes' advice and "not wonder who may have been me before." I was "Not the Same" after that. If I can't trust, I can't be "Trusted." Oh well.