"before my death I hope to obtain my
life."
I hate that I feel sexier when I wear make-up. I should be able to feel sexy without it. I don't like supporting this fashion industry. In my whole life, I have spent less than $5 on make-up, not including two vials of black and yellow nail polish that I wanted so I could paint my nails to look like bumble bees or the glow-in-the-dark polish I got for Halloween. My eye shadow and foundation were gifts from my aunts. I did not use the blush until I wanted to give Molly's figurine some color. I have not used the foundation. However, I have spent at least $30 of my parents' money to shave my legs and arms and hoohah. I wore no jewelry to prom. It's specifically sexy, though. I'm supposed to win guys with my personality, and I do consider myself on varying scales of attractive, depending on what I'm wearing, or what effect I'm going for. I want to tell everyone that it doesn't matter what you look like, the one who loves you will find you fascinating to stare at. Every curve and color, and it all blurs with tactile facets too. I, in all honesty, can't though, because I am proud of my genetics and lifestyle that have allowed me to live up to this standard of beauty. I love who I am, physically and in all other respects. There was a PostSecret with a venn diagram: "People Who Love Me, People Who'd Love to Fuck Me" and the words, "I fear that no one will be in the overlap again." Someone had replied to it, "My problem is, I can't find anyone I love and would love to fuck." They change everything and are so separate, but both so necessary, at least definitely at this young and raging with hormones stage. I have no experience saying at other times, but I think it's still similar.
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