The Number Translation I Forgot to Look For

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When I got off the plane, after eleven hours of travel and forty years away, the man took my passport and asked me the purpose of my visit, I wrote in my daybook, “To mourn”, and then, “To mourn try to live,” he gave me a look and asked if I would consider that business or pleasure, I wrote, “Neither.” “For how long do you plan to mourn and try to live?” I wrote, “For the rest of my life.”
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I may re-read this before I give the book back to Viv. She finally got around to answering my Facebook message today, ironically, the first day of senior year.
It made me smile and cry.
Oh.
Contradiction.