Strange Things Are Happening to Me, Ain't No Doubt About It

Things have been so very strange emotionally. Friday night back at band, I felt like to be alive was powerful.

I invited someone to see my secret blog, the third person to ever see any of the blog, let alone all of it. We talked about it, about the universal nature of heartbreak, regret, hope, defeated resignation, because sometimes, even if it hurts, there's nothing you can do about it. We spoke about the freedom of summer, the things we missed, how we could've done it better and still have everything.

I'm looking for flattering associations, something that will make me feel sexy and playful and casually cool. This year, I have become something more than I used to be. It's startling, to be a sought after personality, somebody people might actually want to talk to. I waxing poetic on how my brother got all the cool in our family, and I got the academic smarts. Kim very warmly chided me, saying that she thought I was cool. I meant "the Fonz" cool, "wearing aviators because you think they are a legitimate fashion statement" cool, leather jackets and cigarettes. It was still a pleasant notion.

I'm listening to Alexi Murdoch right now, my adventure music, my peaceful music, my "this feels like the first warm afternoons of summer" music. I wouldn't change anything, but this is the first time I have dealt with regret for any length of time, however extremely short it's been.