Ode to Boy

I miss you more than Jeff or summer, because they are definitely coming back.
I miss you more than the past, because that's definitely dead and gone.
I miss you more, because I don't know if you'll be in my future.
You don't linger for me anymore,
otherwise I could've said it in person,
otherwise I wouldn't have had to write it.

This wasn't supposed to happen to good kids, not white kids from the 'burbs, not AP scholars with three and a half credits of biology.

If my brother wasn't hit by that car, we never would've happened. I wouldn't have squealed with such delight or smiled always so awkwardly or been so horrid. Trains moan whispers in the night of Beatnic summers, romance up in smoke.

Remember that all over ecstasy? That skin to skin circuit of electric infatuation set on fire like instantaneous lightning. My whole being in your hand on my hand under stars like lunar revolutionaries abysmally falling through space.

I said no to the first and second, but persistence is ever the victor.

Candlelit open window in your hoodie because the night air was too much for my trembling skin. Those visions persist, sin to sin, and I contemplated deep as was possible with those cloudy thoughts. Besides the rippling sensations and altered perception, you had me seeing stars.