The Year of Secrets

Today in physics, I turned in my physics "diary." The definition of this homework assignment is an outline of "concepts, strategies, and reflections" about each day in class. We're supposed to write down what we did, what we didn't understand, and how we intend to induce comprehension. My physics diaries are written in a real diary that I kept from sixth grade into junior year. Earlier stuff is emo or tragic or silly or terrible poetry or the occasional bucket list. Kelsey and Natalie expressed interest in reading it, and I didn't mind. I'm responsible for my own thoughts and actions, and even if I'm ashamed of them, I will not hide them when asked directly. They both complimented my writing style, and we related on some experiences. However, it got me thinking about the things I never wote about.

I once said I'm really good at keeping other people's secrets, but not my own. Until this year, there was always an easy distinction between what is my secret and someone else's (duh, this should be obvious!). However, since summer, there are things that other people have done that affected my life and made me ache. There are revelations that make me very sad, things I "can't" talk about. I don't want pity or advice, but a sounding board or understanding.

I'm very aware that the best way to keep a secret is to never mention it. Since the start of 2010, I made only one vague allusion to any of the secrets I've kept. Now I'm looking for a way out. It'll take a while to find trust in a confessor. Don't be offended if it's not you.