"You are the sparkle in my life"

"We'll have the summer
He'll work and I'll work
We'll see each other at night
and on the weekends
Then he'll go to one school
and I'll go to another
Basically that will be it"

I flirted with Joel most of the afternoon. He was really appealing after the blink-182 concert last year, but I knew that was just the live music "I love this band" euphoria. I haven't dated anyone since Jimmy for my self-applied blinders. I felt like a dick that it continued later into the night, but also reassuring that it's not something wrong with me, and I'll be fine at college. There were more fireflies tonight than I've ever seen in my life. It was awing. That smokey smell in my hair under the bioluminescent twinkling, I realized there aren't bonfires or fireflies in the city. I saw Ferris Bueller's Day Off for the first time. I thought about fear and about not wasting time. I have to wake up at 3 am, but I go to college in two months. I always thought of summer as three solid months, but it's really not I guess. When I get back from Myrtle, there'll be pretty darn close to 60 days left. Then, BAM! Whole new world. Entirely new people. Yeah, I'll correspond with the old life, but I can't make it the same.

Sitting next to Joel at the beginning of the movie, I felt a hand scratching at my shoulder. It reminded me of sitting with Dave in the band stands. When Jeff came over, Dave put his arm around me. I told my mom about that, that it made me feel uncomfortable and special at the same time.

"I will miss you more than I've ever missed anyone."