After tonight's text purge, I noticed the last time posted in my secret blog was September 4th of 2010. I know that capturing the actual "text" of a text is the essence, and that it's impractical to leave the electronic message on one's phone, but there is still something disconcerting about deleting the originals.
This weekend was perfect in nearly every way. There is a doodle summary on its way, but I felt so inelegant and unfeminine at nearly every turn. When I encounter guys that I like, I assume that there's no way a relationship could work out, whether personal or circumstantial reasons. It's almost chronic at this point, especially as I've been surrounded by guys in various states of infatuation. I might start wearing make up. I might become a little bit less me (independent) and a little more me (soft and accepting).
Tonight, I felt that I had a purpose and place in life; I could see for a moment what others see in me.
I don't know what I want, but it is the first time in a long time, in a very long time relative to the changes in my life, that I feel free.
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