Things to Say

1. For my own jealous purposes, I wished you ill. Then, I felt ill.

2. I'm sorry I never invited you to my house for movies and an adventure.

3. You are very encouraging despite my doubt, "Are we really friends?"

4. I wasn't joking and I know you knew it.

5. You're a cool kid. Tag team rules.

6. It is impossible to express how much I value our conversation and your friendship.

7. I'm sorry I'm a shitty friend, but you make me scared and jealous. You're the only person who can do that though, so congrats.

8. I miss you, but what can we even talk about? I would listen to you for hours talk about anything, but I always feel like it's gossip, about you, or nothing.

9. I don't think any boy or girl is good enough for you. You are unique.

10. I'm going to miss you a lot. Even though you just left, and we didn't talk frequently, you understood my embarrassment and left an open invitation.

11. I told you we weren't friends. I tried tonight, not well, but I was hampered by fear. I hope, in the least, you recognized the awkward effort.

12. I love you, and I love your family, and I wish there had been time enough for me to appreciate you more. I'm utterly ecstatic for you, but a lil' jealous he gets your time.

13. We should be friends. You are interesting and exceptional.

14. Love her and tell her she is gorgeous, because you are finally a guy who might deserve her.

15. Part of your mystery is being unreachable and far away. It forces us to miss you.

16. So far, the only imperfections I recognize in you are your genetic defects and you're not a fantastic "deep kisser." I'm still working on it though.

17. If you get outraged and horrified and betrayed by my actions, I will still love everything about you. Even if you acknowledge the logic and motivation in my actions, I know you will still despair.

18. I just have to remind myself how much I cried, your love of apathy, and your hatred of grape drank.

19. You are adorable, and as writing this, I wonder if that night we sat talking in my kitchen until 3 AM if you didn't get the album because of him and not me. I enjoy the feeling thinking about that evening, even if I don't remember the details.

20. Part of it is dramamongering and no personal investment, but I wish you'd told off that crazy bitch who stole the perfect chance to go for your man.

21. I wish I was better at making you realize your beauty. It gets hard fighting against your self-deprecation.

22. Please, don't die young.

23. You never kissed me in public, and I still adored you.

24. You know it's fake. I would give anything for you to fall in love with a girl who gives you butterflies, who gets nervous giggles when look at her, and makes you happy beyond anything you knew.

25. Sometimes, I think you want him to be with me. Maybe you just think I'm a cool kid.

26. Thank you for giving me someone to write to. I wish we could be friends.

27. You contributed very much to who I am. I am ashamed by my disgust of your self-destructive choices.

28. You are a perfect father to me. I hope I can be a good daughter.

29. You know me well. It breaks my heart when your actions based in the best of intentions don't mean what you hoped they would.

*30. I am sorry we are not friends. You are amazing, and I try to appreciate you, but making new friends got so much harder after elementary school where a sleepover was an easy token of friendship.

X. You are terrified of people and get jealous over things you have no entitlement to.