Moby-Dick Jokes

If a guy came on to me using a nerdy pick up line, I would be positively responsive. With the right personality, even a terrible pick up line isn't an immediate turn off. However, if I'm not immediately aware it's a pick up line, then I'm taken a little off guard. "Have you ever had a kid?" What? No, I'd like to keep my vagina intact for a couple more years. "Well I'd love to spend 9 months inside you." While slightly off putting, I missed him

In English class, we took the best Moby-Dick test ever. It had nothing to do with plot, themes, or major motifs, but boy, what a unifying force. The whole thing was short answer, no essays. Glancing over the first sheet, I turned to Kira with an "Oooooh, shit!" face. Dropped jaw, bug eyes, the works. Thankfully, she returned a similar look of stupefication, so I was not alone in having no clue. Immediately, I skipped to the second page and fell into a deeper spiral of "WTF." It was the kind of test, where it was possible Mrs. A had made up a question that had nothing to do with the book, waiting for someone to call bullshit. However, none of us read the book. Even if most of the other girls had, I'm fairly certain they don't have the balls to call her out on it. Reaching the end, I calmed down, took a breath. Surveying my entire, encompassing knowledge of Moby-Dick, I could legitmately answer maybe five questions. Luckily, the only thing that keeps me in AP classes is my ability to bullshit. My religious upbringing makes it possible to relate every single question on symbolism to Biblical themes. Hallelujah Almighty. I answered all but two questions. Afterwards, we were a collective of wild gestures attempting to relate our absurd and profound expressions of ignorance and disbelief. I'm fairly positive by the time fourth period rolled around, her other AP class was very, very aware of the titainous and awesome mystery they were about to face.

"Thar she blows!"
"Whale ho!"
"This whale doesn't bite, she swallows."
"He was my passionate bed fellow."

One of the Discussion Questions for Moby-Dick was, "Throughout the novel, it is as though Ahab is trying to conquer something besdies the white whale. If you agree, why or why not, and what is he trying to overcome?"

"It is generally regarded as the bigger the truck, the smaller the penis, I guess the same thing could apply to whales. Of course, I made plenty of dick jokes about this book, so that is probably why that jumped to my head. However, extrapolating on that... whales are really big and phallus shaped. They also have the world’s biggest penis and Melville seems to really, really like talking about them. Humans are imperfect and impure, Ahab was pretty darn close to perfection in his obsession, except he could never be a whole human being and the whale would always prevent him from being pure. He was trying to conquer his own insecurity (and small penis).