When did I start thinking in disconnected sentences? When did I start crying all the time? When did Matt and I stop being friends? Why is it so awkward to get a ride home? Why do I want to cry whenever I get out of the car? Why did Molly and I fall apart so completely? Why does that Valentine's Day feel so far away? When do people learn how to make friends? How did I miss that part of life? When will the trees be totally without leaves? If a president got divorced and remarried while in office, would she be the second First Lady? Why do I have three copies of the same poster in varying sizes? When am I going to finish watching Firefly? Why do I feel guilty about watching it with AJ instead of Matt? Why is sexual liberation lonely? Sometimes, thinking about the next generation, I wonder, "What could they possibly do to shock and offend my generation." I think they're all going to be conservatives. "Annie, are you okay? Are you okay? Are you okay, Annie?" Why has everyone in my family been hit by cars? Why does my mom have to clean this filthy house? Why has my mom had such a shitty, shitty life? Why I am so terrified of ending up like her? Why is my life so blessed? Why is there no better word than blessed? Who is the person who left their library receipt in the book I took out? Why do I wish Sarah lived farther away, so that walking to her house to apologize would hurt more? "Why he do dat?" Why haven't I been able to get strings for my electric guitar? Why do I keep calling my electric acoustic mandolin an electric mandolin? What would that even sound like? Why is my room absolutely perfect (besides the temperature)? Why this petty persecution? Why am I so interested in touching? Why don't I run away? "Which would you rather be, the person that you hope to be, or the person you fear you already are?"
For all my lonesome, I have no regrets.
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2 comments:
We should talk again sometime.
I don't know and I don't know.
(also, I love Firefly :) )
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