I am not ready to be a senior. This time next year, I will be left or leaving.
I tried making myself nothing to protect you, but they always promise, "Nothing can hurt you."
I believe in Page 89.
Did you sing "Happy Birthday" to your mom? You sing when I sing, even if we don't know the words.
Thursday could otherwise be a funny and embarrassing story.
I listened to the playlist "Girly Songs" for the first time since last October.
Playing guitar and singing is embarrassing for me. I didn't know you were there.
I kissed Jeff.
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
One must eat muffins quite calmly, it is the only way to eat them.
After three free years of dutiful, fashionable service, I need to get new flip-flops. :(
Tubing was super fun and Kate is super awesome! Part of me wishes the boys had floated off together so we could girly gossip.
I have books to read! Also, I don't know where the Huck Finn journals are or what we're supposed to do for How to Read Literature Like a Professor.
Even if I were to explain everything, it will still hurt. Seeing me will still make you want to cry.
Nick has disappeared off the face of the earth again. It sucks waiting.
I'm not scared that I'll wind up alone.
After three free years of dutiful, fashionable service, I need to get new flip-flops. :(
Tubing was super fun and Kate is super awesome! Part of me wishes the boys had floated off together so we could girly gossip.
I have books to read! Also, I don't know where the Huck Finn journals are or what we're supposed to do for How to Read Literature Like a Professor.
Even if I were to explain everything, it will still hurt. Seeing me will still make you want to cry.
Nick has disappeared off the face of the earth again. It sucks waiting.
I'm not scared that I'll wind up alone.
Monday, August 17, 2009
The Devil Made Them Clever
I'm for decency — period. I'm for anything and everything that bodies love and consideration for my fellow man.
If you can make a woman laugh you can do anything with her.
We can live with dignity - we can't die with it.
the most dangerous plaything.
the most dangerous game.
A woman's strength is in her tongue.
His style is chaos illumined by flashes of lightning.
Friendship is far more tragic than love. It lasts longer.
Will they notice? No? It should be assumed not, but I do not investigate myself, merely dismiss it.
One must eat muffins quite calmly, it is the only way to eat them.
Fear is the enemy of logic.
I am a miser of my memories of you
And will not spend them.
One need not be a chamber to be haunted;
One need not be a house;
The brain has corridors surpassing
Material place.
We do not remember days, we remember moments. The richness of life lies in memories we have forgotten.
Reminiscences make one feel so deliciously aged and sad.
A man's real possesion is his memory. In nothing else is he rich, in nothing else is he poor.
Footfalls echo in the memory
Down the passage which we did not take
Towards the door we never opened into the rose-garden.
If you can make a woman laugh you can do anything with her.
We can live with dignity - we can't die with it.
the most dangerous plaything.
the most dangerous game.
A woman's strength is in her tongue.
His style is chaos illumined by flashes of lightning.
Friendship is far more tragic than love. It lasts longer.
Will they notice? No? It should be assumed not, but I do not investigate myself, merely dismiss it.
One must eat muffins quite calmly, it is the only way to eat them.
Fear is the enemy of logic.
I am a miser of my memories of you
And will not spend them.
One need not be a chamber to be haunted;
One need not be a house;
The brain has corridors surpassing
Material place.
We do not remember days, we remember moments. The richness of life lies in memories we have forgotten.
Reminiscences make one feel so deliciously aged and sad.
A man's real possesion is his memory. In nothing else is he rich, in nothing else is he poor.
Footfalls echo in the memory
Down the passage which we did not take
Towards the door we never opened into the rose-garden.
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Things to Say
1. For my own jealous purposes, I wished you ill. Then, I felt ill.
2. I'm sorry I never invited you to my house for movies and an adventure.
3. You are very encouraging despite my doubt, "Are we really friends?"
4. I wasn't joking and I know you knew it.
5. You're a cool kid. Tag team rules.
6. It is impossible to express how much I value our conversation and your friendship.
7. I'm sorry I'm a shitty friend, but you make me scared and jealous. You're the only person who can do that though, so congrats.
8. I miss you, but what can we even talk about? I would listen to you for hours talk about anything, but I always feel like it's gossip, about you, or nothing.
9. I don't think any boy or girl is good enough for you. You are unique.
10. I'm going to miss you a lot. Even though you just left, and we didn't talk frequently, you understood my embarrassment and left an open invitation.
11. I told you we weren't friends. I tried tonight, not well, but I was hampered by fear. I hope, in the least, you recognized the awkward effort.
12. I love you, and I love your family, and I wish there had been time enough for me to appreciate you more. I'm utterly ecstatic for you, but a lil' jealous he gets your time.
13. We should be friends. You are interesting and exceptional.
14. Love her and tell her she is gorgeous, because you are finally a guy who might deserve her.
15. Part of your mystery is being unreachable and far away. It forces us to miss you.
16. So far, the only imperfections I recognize in you are your genetic defects and you're not a fantastic "deep kisser." I'm still working on it though.
17. If you get outraged and horrified and betrayed by my actions, I will still love everything about you. Even if you acknowledge the logic and motivation in my actions, I know you will still despair.
18. I just have to remind myself how much I cried, your love of apathy, and your hatred of grape drank.
19. You are adorable, and as writing this, I wonder if that night we sat talking in my kitchen until 3 AM if you didn't get the album because of him and not me. I enjoy the feeling thinking about that evening, even if I don't remember the details.
20. Part of it is dramamongering and no personal investment, but I wish you'd told off that crazy bitch who stole the perfect chance to go for your man.
21. I wish I was better at making you realize your beauty. It gets hard fighting against your self-deprecation.
22. Please, don't die young.
23. You never kissed me in public, and I still adored you.
24. You know it's fake. I would give anything for you to fall in love with a girl who gives you butterflies, who gets nervous giggles when look at her, and makes you happy beyond anything you knew.
25. Sometimes, I think you want him to be with me. Maybe you just think I'm a cool kid.
26. Thank you for giving me someone to write to. I wish we could be friends.
27. You contributed very much to who I am. I am ashamed by my disgust of your self-destructive choices.
28. You are a perfect father to me. I hope I can be a good daughter.
29. You know me well. It breaks my heart when your actions based in the best of intentions don't mean what you hoped they would.
*30. I am sorry we are not friends. You are amazing, and I try to appreciate you, but making new friends got so much harder after elementary school where a sleepover was an easy token of friendship.
X. You are terrified of people and get jealous over things you have no entitlement to.
2. I'm sorry I never invited you to my house for movies and an adventure.
3. You are very encouraging despite my doubt, "Are we really friends?"
4. I wasn't joking and I know you knew it.
5. You're a cool kid. Tag team rules.
6. It is impossible to express how much I value our conversation and your friendship.
7. I'm sorry I'm a shitty friend, but you make me scared and jealous. You're the only person who can do that though, so congrats.
8. I miss you, but what can we even talk about? I would listen to you for hours talk about anything, but I always feel like it's gossip, about you, or nothing.
9. I don't think any boy or girl is good enough for you. You are unique.
10. I'm going to miss you a lot. Even though you just left, and we didn't talk frequently, you understood my embarrassment and left an open invitation.
11. I told you we weren't friends. I tried tonight, not well, but I was hampered by fear. I hope, in the least, you recognized the awkward effort.
12. I love you, and I love your family, and I wish there had been time enough for me to appreciate you more. I'm utterly ecstatic for you, but a lil' jealous he gets your time.
13. We should be friends. You are interesting and exceptional.
14. Love her and tell her she is gorgeous, because you are finally a guy who might deserve her.
15. Part of your mystery is being unreachable and far away. It forces us to miss you.
16. So far, the only imperfections I recognize in you are your genetic defects and you're not a fantastic "deep kisser." I'm still working on it though.
17. If you get outraged and horrified and betrayed by my actions, I will still love everything about you. Even if you acknowledge the logic and motivation in my actions, I know you will still despair.
18. I just have to remind myself how much I cried, your love of apathy, and your hatred of grape drank.
19. You are adorable, and as writing this, I wonder if that night we sat talking in my kitchen until 3 AM if you didn't get the album because of him and not me. I enjoy the feeling thinking about that evening, even if I don't remember the details.
20. Part of it is dramamongering and no personal investment, but I wish you'd told off that crazy bitch who stole the perfect chance to go for your man.
21. I wish I was better at making you realize your beauty. It gets hard fighting against your self-deprecation.
22. Please, don't die young.
23. You never kissed me in public, and I still adored you.
24. You know it's fake. I would give anything for you to fall in love with a girl who gives you butterflies, who gets nervous giggles when look at her, and makes you happy beyond anything you knew.
25. Sometimes, I think you want him to be with me. Maybe you just think I'm a cool kid.
26. Thank you for giving me someone to write to. I wish we could be friends.
27. You contributed very much to who I am. I am ashamed by my disgust of your self-destructive choices.
28. You are a perfect father to me. I hope I can be a good daughter.
29. You know me well. It breaks my heart when your actions based in the best of intentions don't mean what you hoped they would.
*30. I am sorry we are not friends. You are amazing, and I try to appreciate you, but making new friends got so much harder after elementary school where a sleepover was an easy token of friendship.
X. You are terrified of people and get jealous over things you have no entitlement to.
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Stuff In My Phone
So oddly i miss you? Haha well have to hang out when I get back.
-Nick F.
YAAAAAAAAAYYYAAAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYYYYYYYYYYY. The more y's there are the happier I am
-Erik
I'm kinda pretty and pretty kind
I don't drink. I don't smoke. I use soft drugs very infrequently. I don't fuck. I take AP classes. I am on the HiQ team and marching band. I am involved in politics. I am a "student leader." I did well on my SATs. I have never been arrested. I don't drive. I honestly care about the guys I date. I am a feminist. I recycle. I listen to classic rock and NPR. I own vinyl albums. I read the newspaper. I obey and respect my parents. I miss my grandparents. I write and send honest to goodness letters and postcards. I appreciate the things I have and beauty, no matter how hard it is to find. I love reading. I like science and math. I am awesome in history. I appreciate nature.
Good gift to me: Your dick in a box.
Bad gift from me: Your dick in a box.
We were walking in time, but on opposite feet. We were walking together on different streets.
forgot nothing but the feeling
What are the colorful tubes between the "truck" and the "trailer" on an 18 wheeler?
Why do shape mac n' cheeses taste better?
"The Old Regime and the Revolution"
"I bet it's sleazy. I want to read it."
-Mom
I didn't believe in destiny until you told me it was ours.
I want to find my boy writing the dracula rock opera.
I cannot tell you how long your road is, but do not fear the obstacles.
Well you're just a geographical oddity. Two weeks from everywhere.
Course it's Pete. Just look at him. We gotta find some sorta wizard to change him back.
-Nick F.
YAAAAAAAAAYYYAAAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYYYYYYYYYYY. The more y's there are the happier I am
-Erik
I'm kinda pretty and pretty kind
I don't drink. I don't smoke. I use soft drugs very infrequently. I don't fuck. I take AP classes. I am on the HiQ team and marching band. I am involved in politics. I am a "student leader." I did well on my SATs. I have never been arrested. I don't drive. I honestly care about the guys I date. I am a feminist. I recycle. I listen to classic rock and NPR. I own vinyl albums. I read the newspaper. I obey and respect my parents. I miss my grandparents. I write and send honest to goodness letters and postcards. I appreciate the things I have and beauty, no matter how hard it is to find. I love reading. I like science and math. I am awesome in history. I appreciate nature.
Good gift to me: Your dick in a box.
Bad gift from me: Your dick in a box.
We were walking in time, but on opposite feet. We were walking together on different streets.
forgot nothing but the feeling
What are the colorful tubes between the "truck" and the "trailer" on an 18 wheeler?
Why do shape mac n' cheeses taste better?
"The Old Regime and the Revolution"
"I bet it's sleazy. I want to read it."
-Mom
I didn't believe in destiny until you told me it was ours.
I want to find my boy writing the dracula rock opera.
I cannot tell you how long your road is, but do not fear the obstacles.
Well you're just a geographical oddity. Two weeks from everywhere.
Course it's Pete. Just look at him. We gotta find some sorta wizard to change him back.
Friday, August 14, 2009
Hrmph
I didn't lie. I just didn't have the willpower to keep it the truth.
This was not out of malice.
It was my decision, based in logic.
I thought it out.
I can imagine how you'd feel.
I don't like it.
It makes me feel guilty.
I still don't regret it.
This was not out of malice.
It was my decision, based in logic.
I thought it out.
I can imagine how you'd feel.
I don't like it.
It makes me feel guilty.
I still don't regret it.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
An Enormous Survey (Stolen from Emily on FB)
Do you think your last ex will eventually want to be with you again?
No, not romantically, but I know he still wants to be friends so long as we give it time.
Where is your phone?
On my left leg.
Are you excited for anything happening in the next week?
Hanging with Dan, Fava, tubing with Molly, tubing with group, senior portraits, dinner with mom, Hi-Q party, and Emily's bonfire.
How are you currently feeling?
Sweaty and fulfilled.
What will you be doing in the next 2 hours?
Regrettably, most likely internet things, if I'm ambitious, reading.
Do you regret anything you've done recently?
Nope. I don't regret anything that happened this year.
If you drank fifteen beers, what would you be doing?
Probably puking my guts up or on the way to the hospital.
Do you think you can last in a relationship for six months?
Not while in high school, but yes.
Who did you talk to on the phone last?
Viv!!! (This will never occur again.)
Do you know what you are going to wear tomorrow?
Possibly the HiQ sweater if bitches get this party figured out.
If you could move somewhere else, would you?
DUH! Adios, Glen Thrills, though you have served me well.
Recently kissed anyone with the name starting with a D?
Nope, but I was half jokingly offered.
Has someone ever made you a promise and broke it?
Haha, all the time. Promises are shit.
What do you always take with you?
The clothes on my body, but it's not guaranteed they'll stay there.
Do you think you'll be married in 5 years?
Goodness, no.
What was the best thing that happened today?
Best thing?! How can I choose?! India Grille, then (500) Days of Summer, with Viv and Erik, then hanging out with Dan G..
Is anything bothering you?
My sleep schedule is a little wacky and summer reading is daunting, but not really.
How many pillows do you sleep with?
One!
When you think of the rainbow, what pops in your head?
Demetri Martin
What is worse, physical or emotional pain?
Emotional, but only because as a female suburbanite, I will probably never suffer much pain.
What color is the shirt you are wearing?
Brown.
What song are you listening to?
She's Got You High by Mumm-Ra (because I stole the 500 Days of Summer OST)
Have you ever fallen asleep while texting someone?
Yeah, I always feel a little bad, but if I'm up that late texting someone, they don't mind.
Has someone put their arm around you in the past 5 days?
Yep.
Are you the type of person who has a new boyfriend/girlfriend every week?
Nah.
Have you ever fallen asleep in someone's arms?
Yes. Isn't it the sweetest?
Who is the last person 18 or under that you were in a car with?
Uh... not Viv or Erik... Jack?
Are you good at hiding your feelings?
Maybe, though I've never had to hide them for long.
Who did you last send a text message to?
Dan G.
Do you feel like life will be easier when you're older, or harder?
Harder, if only because there's a shit load of busy work. Bills suck!
Are you a jealous person?
Nah, bein' an anarcho-communist is all youthful idealism, but I try to live it.
Do you feel comfortable with answering personal questions?
Yep.
Is the last person you kissed more than a year older than you?
Yes.
Are you comfortable with your height?
Absolutely.
Is your room ever clean?
Not at this moment, but yes.
Have you ever walked on the beach at night?
Ah, the stars, or down the boardwalk, the illumination.
Have you ever slept on a couch with someone else?
No, but a hammock is better?
Do you like to take walks?
I don't think I should have to answer this.
Do you think you will be in a relationship three months from now?
I could be, but it matters not.
Would you ever get a tattoo?
Mmhm. I want a line of poetry or literature either on my wrist, ankle, or back neck near the hairline in very small, very fine print.
Can you whistle?
Yes.
Did you have any unread text messages this morning when you woke up?
Haha, if I had woke up this morning, no. As I woke up in the afternoon, yes.
What's your relationship with the person you last texted?
Friend, admirerer
Do you wish someone would call you right now?
No, I get nervous on the phone.
Who have you texted in the last 48 hours?
Jeff, Matt, Erik, Dan, and Jack
What is wrong with you right now?
I have never traveled out of the country.
Which of your friends is the easiest to talk to?
Stasi, by far, all of our conversations can become philosophic without any effort.
Who do you tell the most to?
Jeff probably, except when it concerns Jeff, then probably Stasi
Where is the person you want most?
Not a clue.
How many TRUE best friends do you have?
3 "true" and 3 I could always go to.
Would you rather smile over a lie or cry over the truth?
Smile over the lie. I am only human, allow me illusions.
Do you like anybody right now?
Sorta kinda. No crushes, but general boy longing.
Are any of your career plans pretty definite or up in the air?
Haha, jobs can suck it.
When was the first time you kissed the last person you kissed, where was it?
Thursday, May 7th, on Jimmy's back porch under the stars and moon.
Did you kiss or make out with anyone today?
Nope!
Would you like to put last night on repeat, and live it forever?
Nah. While it was a good night, it was not one of the best.
How old do you think you will be when you finally have kids?
30something
Do you want to cut your hair?
Nope, just a trim and leave it long.
Is there someone you'd like to fix things with?
Hey, Dave and Jimmy! I dedicate this one to you two.
What kind of mood are you in?
Warm and floaty, great day feeling.
Do you like your life as of now?
God, yes. I've loved my life since after AP exams last year.
When you're walking, do you stop to drink?
Only if I have my inconvenient, reusable, open lid water bottle.
Do you believe that if you want something bad enough you'll get it?
Nope.
Have you ever kissed someone in a vehicle?
Same guy, different vehicles, once while trying not to cry.
Ever snuck out of your house?
Haha, it's pretty much the only thing that makes me a badass anymore.
What did you do today?
Woke up, went to India Grille with Viv and Erik. Accidentally met up with Kacey and Matti at Regal to see (500) Days of Summer with them and afore mentioned friends. Had lovely chats with Viv, got dropped off. Biked to Dan G.'s house. Biked back to Garnet Mine to meet up with him, then to Rob's neighborhood where we talked for well on two hours.
Do you like someone right this second?
Nope.
Would you ever betray a friend for personal gain?
In an unanticipated consequence, yes. Never intentionally or with malice.
What was the last thing you ate?
Milk and cookies!
Are you a morning person or a night person?
I haven't "seen" the morning since Stasi and I stayed up.
Do you snore?
When I have a cold or restricted nasal passage for some other reason.
Do you know anyone who has gotten an abortion?
Yes.
Are you talking to anyone while doing this?
Nah.
Do you want a relationship right now?
Kinda sorta. I want a physical relationship
True love or 1 billion bucks?
Gimme the billion bucks. I'll find the guy on my own.
Do you think too much or too little?
Both, depends on the context, usually, too much.
Is there someone who can always make you smile?
Indeedily.
How do you feel about your hair right now?
I'm a motherfucking sexy beast. Thanks long hair.
Do you toss & turn for hours at night or fall right to sleep?
I don't toss and turn, necessarily, but I will lie in bed thinking about things until I get sleepy.
Does the person you like, like you back?
As there are many involved, at least one, yes.
Do you want to see somebody right now?
Duh! Bein' alone and on the internet is boring.
What color are your nails right now?
That whole "natural pink color" thing.
Who was the last person to text you?
Dan G.
Could things possibly get any better?
Yeah, but frankly, things just get different.
Do you get along better with the same sex or opposite?
Opposite sex, unfortunately. I'm not good at keep female friends.
Has anyone said they love you in the last week?
Yes.
Will your next kiss be a mistake?
Haha, probably, but not one I'll regret.
Do you plan on sleeping in tomorrow?
Nope! 9 AM: Senior Portraits.
Do you consider yourself lucky?
Not "luck," but dear goodness, my life has been nothing but blessed.
Are you in a relationship?
Nope.
Who is your favorite person to text?
Probably Jeff, though I don't really like text conversations.
How many times have you been rejected by the opposite sex?
Wasiq, can I count the times I thrown myself upon you, only to be pushed away? But other than my deepest loss, yeah: Matt (freshman homecoming), Dave, and Jimmy.
Can you keep a secret?
Yep!
Have you ever made someone your everything?
Nah, the world is too big for that.
Are you an emotional person?
*sigh* Probably, though I wish so much I wasn't.
Are you a caring person?
Yeah.
Can you make people smile?
I try.
If you like someone do they know?
Nowadays, as soon as I know, they know.
What're some good qualities about yourself?
My smarts, memory, personality, boobs, abs, ass, legs, eyes, hair, arms, waist...
Where do you wish you were?
Haha, freakin' Italy after talking to Dan.
What was your last dream about?
Dave and I had a normal conversation. I dream about him a lot. :P
If you married the last person you texted, what would your last name?
I won't put that here for internet safety reasons, but y'all know what his last name is.
Were you happy when you woke up today?
Yes! I was excited to go to India Grille with Viv and Erik.
No, not romantically, but I know he still wants to be friends so long as we give it time.
Where is your phone?
On my left leg.
Are you excited for anything happening in the next week?
Hanging with Dan, Fava, tubing with Molly, tubing with group, senior portraits, dinner with mom, Hi-Q party, and Emily's bonfire.
How are you currently feeling?
Sweaty and fulfilled.
What will you be doing in the next 2 hours?
Regrettably, most likely internet things, if I'm ambitious, reading.
Do you regret anything you've done recently?
Nope. I don't regret anything that happened this year.
If you drank fifteen beers, what would you be doing?
Probably puking my guts up or on the way to the hospital.
Do you think you can last in a relationship for six months?
Not while in high school, but yes.
Who did you talk to on the phone last?
Viv!!! (This will never occur again.)
Do you know what you are going to wear tomorrow?
Possibly the HiQ sweater if bitches get this party figured out.
If you could move somewhere else, would you?
DUH! Adios, Glen Thrills, though you have served me well.
Recently kissed anyone with the name starting with a D?
Nope, but I was half jokingly offered.
Has someone ever made you a promise and broke it?
Haha, all the time. Promises are shit.
What do you always take with you?
The clothes on my body, but it's not guaranteed they'll stay there.
Do you think you'll be married in 5 years?
Goodness, no.
What was the best thing that happened today?
Best thing?! How can I choose?! India Grille, then (500) Days of Summer, with Viv and Erik, then hanging out with Dan G..
Is anything bothering you?
My sleep schedule is a little wacky and summer reading is daunting, but not really.
How many pillows do you sleep with?
One!
When you think of the rainbow, what pops in your head?
Demetri Martin
What is worse, physical or emotional pain?
Emotional, but only because as a female suburbanite, I will probably never suffer much pain.
What color is the shirt you are wearing?
Brown.
What song are you listening to?
She's Got You High by Mumm-Ra (because I stole the 500 Days of Summer OST)
Have you ever fallen asleep while texting someone?
Yeah, I always feel a little bad, but if I'm up that late texting someone, they don't mind.
Has someone put their arm around you in the past 5 days?
Yep.
Are you the type of person who has a new boyfriend/girlfriend every week?
Nah.
Have you ever fallen asleep in someone's arms?
Yes. Isn't it the sweetest?
Who is the last person 18 or under that you were in a car with?
Uh... not Viv or Erik... Jack?
Are you good at hiding your feelings?
Maybe, though I've never had to hide them for long.
Who did you last send a text message to?
Dan G.
Do you feel like life will be easier when you're older, or harder?
Harder, if only because there's a shit load of busy work. Bills suck!
Are you a jealous person?
Nah, bein' an anarcho-communist is all youthful idealism, but I try to live it.
Do you feel comfortable with answering personal questions?
Yep.
Is the last person you kissed more than a year older than you?
Yes.
Are you comfortable with your height?
Absolutely.
Is your room ever clean?
Not at this moment, but yes.
Have you ever walked on the beach at night?
Ah, the stars, or down the boardwalk, the illumination.
Have you ever slept on a couch with someone else?
No, but a hammock is better?
Do you like to take walks?
I don't think I should have to answer this.
Do you think you will be in a relationship three months from now?
I could be, but it matters not.
Would you ever get a tattoo?
Mmhm. I want a line of poetry or literature either on my wrist, ankle, or back neck near the hairline in very small, very fine print.
Can you whistle?
Yes.
Did you have any unread text messages this morning when you woke up?
Haha, if I had woke up this morning, no. As I woke up in the afternoon, yes.
What's your relationship with the person you last texted?
Friend, admirerer
Do you wish someone would call you right now?
No, I get nervous on the phone.
Who have you texted in the last 48 hours?
Jeff, Matt, Erik, Dan, and Jack
What is wrong with you right now?
I have never traveled out of the country.
Which of your friends is the easiest to talk to?
Stasi, by far, all of our conversations can become philosophic without any effort.
Who do you tell the most to?
Jeff probably, except when it concerns Jeff, then probably Stasi
Where is the person you want most?
Not a clue.
How many TRUE best friends do you have?
3 "true" and 3 I could always go to.
Would you rather smile over a lie or cry over the truth?
Smile over the lie. I am only human, allow me illusions.
Do you like anybody right now?
Sorta kinda. No crushes, but general boy longing.
Are any of your career plans pretty definite or up in the air?
Haha, jobs can suck it.
When was the first time you kissed the last person you kissed, where was it?
Thursday, May 7th, on Jimmy's back porch under the stars and moon.
Did you kiss or make out with anyone today?
Nope!
Would you like to put last night on repeat, and live it forever?
Nah. While it was a good night, it was not one of the best.
How old do you think you will be when you finally have kids?
30something
Do you want to cut your hair?
Nope, just a trim and leave it long.
Is there someone you'd like to fix things with?
Hey, Dave and Jimmy! I dedicate this one to you two.
What kind of mood are you in?
Warm and floaty, great day feeling.
Do you like your life as of now?
God, yes. I've loved my life since after AP exams last year.
When you're walking, do you stop to drink?
Only if I have my inconvenient, reusable, open lid water bottle.
Do you believe that if you want something bad enough you'll get it?
Nope.
Have you ever kissed someone in a vehicle?
Same guy, different vehicles, once while trying not to cry.
Ever snuck out of your house?
Haha, it's pretty much the only thing that makes me a badass anymore.
What did you do today?
Woke up, went to India Grille with Viv and Erik. Accidentally met up with Kacey and Matti at Regal to see (500) Days of Summer with them and afore mentioned friends. Had lovely chats with Viv, got dropped off. Biked to Dan G.'s house. Biked back to Garnet Mine to meet up with him, then to Rob's neighborhood where we talked for well on two hours.
Do you like someone right this second?
Nope.
Would you ever betray a friend for personal gain?
In an unanticipated consequence, yes. Never intentionally or with malice.
What was the last thing you ate?
Milk and cookies!
Are you a morning person or a night person?
I haven't "seen" the morning since Stasi and I stayed up.
Do you snore?
When I have a cold or restricted nasal passage for some other reason.
Do you know anyone who has gotten an abortion?
Yes.
Are you talking to anyone while doing this?
Nah.
Do you want a relationship right now?
Kinda sorta. I want a physical relationship
True love or 1 billion bucks?
Gimme the billion bucks. I'll find the guy on my own.
Do you think too much or too little?
Both, depends on the context, usually, too much.
Is there someone who can always make you smile?
Indeedily.
How do you feel about your hair right now?
I'm a motherfucking sexy beast. Thanks long hair.
Do you toss & turn for hours at night or fall right to sleep?
I don't toss and turn, necessarily, but I will lie in bed thinking about things until I get sleepy.
Does the person you like, like you back?
As there are many involved, at least one, yes.
Do you want to see somebody right now?
Duh! Bein' alone and on the internet is boring.
What color are your nails right now?
That whole "natural pink color" thing.
Who was the last person to text you?
Dan G.
Could things possibly get any better?
Yeah, but frankly, things just get different.
Do you get along better with the same sex or opposite?
Opposite sex, unfortunately. I'm not good at keep female friends.
Has anyone said they love you in the last week?
Yes.
Will your next kiss be a mistake?
Haha, probably, but not one I'll regret.
Do you plan on sleeping in tomorrow?
Nope! 9 AM: Senior Portraits.
Do you consider yourself lucky?
Not "luck," but dear goodness, my life has been nothing but blessed.
Are you in a relationship?
Nope.
Who is your favorite person to text?
Probably Jeff, though I don't really like text conversations.
How many times have you been rejected by the opposite sex?
Wasiq, can I count the times I thrown myself upon you, only to be pushed away? But other than my deepest loss, yeah: Matt (freshman homecoming), Dave, and Jimmy.
Can you keep a secret?
Yep!
Have you ever made someone your everything?
Nah, the world is too big for that.
Are you an emotional person?
*sigh* Probably, though I wish so much I wasn't.
Are you a caring person?
Yeah.
Can you make people smile?
I try.
If you like someone do they know?
Nowadays, as soon as I know, they know.
What're some good qualities about yourself?
My smarts, memory, personality, boobs, abs, ass, legs, eyes, hair, arms, waist...
Where do you wish you were?
Haha, freakin' Italy after talking to Dan.
What was your last dream about?
Dave and I had a normal conversation. I dream about him a lot. :P
If you married the last person you texted, what would your last name?
I won't put that here for internet safety reasons, but y'all know what his last name is.
Were you happy when you woke up today?
Yes! I was excited to go to India Grille with Viv and Erik.
Monday, August 10, 2009
To Do List:
Maybe June 19th or 20th, I wrote a letter to myself with a list of things to do this summer. This is that list (italics mean it's completed):
Go on adventures. Read books. Do your summer work. Eat fruit. Climb trees. Keep secrets. Forget. Get drunk. Sing. Swim. Play guitar. Sneak out. Get high. Scream. Explore. Listen. Talk, but not too much. Knit. Hackysack. Learn. Draw. Paint. Photograph. Swing. Dream. Walk. Stargaze. Creek. Laugh. Smile. Watch movies. Build a birdhouse. Garden. Learn to can. Nap. Breathe. Blink. Masturbate. Cry. Be there. Go in hot tubs and pools. Make friends. Kiss. Party. Bike. Picnic. Wait. Volunteer. Write. Teach, but only by accident. Eat break and M&Ms. Get new sexy clothes and socks. Don't get bit by a zombie.* Talk like a pirate. Tell the truth. Spill my own secrets. Make new ones. Study Hi-Q. Pool with Wasiq. Get new albums. Send postcards. Write letters. Make Jello. Get a kiddie pool. Appreciate the hammock. Body surf. Find beach glass. Get ear pierced again. Smell the grass. Bake cookies, cakes, and other assorted baked goods. Firefly with Matt. Catch butterflies. Get over band. Program computers. Hang out with everyone I promised, especially Poofy. Drive. Admire thunderstorms. Jump in puddles. Don't be so scared to jump.** If confronted with it, jump off a high dive. Make wishes. Make love? Discuss philosophy and politics. Read Wiki. Find a "signature scent." Play "Best Day/Worst Day" with Molly and company. Inquire as where to get a fake ID. Finance my pranks. Devise better pranks. Get over Dave. Talk back. Graffiti. Sleep tight. Feel better about the Jimmy situation.
* Ongoing
** Metaphorically as well
Go on adventures. Read books. Do your summer work. Eat fruit. Climb trees. Keep secrets. Forget. Get drunk. Sing. Swim. Play guitar. Sneak out. Get high. Scream. Explore. Listen. Talk, but not too much. Knit. Hackysack. Learn. Draw. Paint. Photograph. Swing. Dream. Walk. Stargaze. Creek. Laugh. Smile. Watch movies. Build a birdhouse. Garden. Learn to can. Nap. Breathe. Blink. Masturbate. Cry. Be there. Go in hot tubs and pools. Make friends. Kiss. Party. Bike. Picnic. Wait. Volunteer. Write. Teach, but only by accident. Eat break and M&Ms. Get new sexy clothes and socks. Don't get bit by a zombie.* Talk like a pirate. Tell the truth. Spill my own secrets. Make new ones. Study Hi-Q. Pool with Wasiq. Get new albums. Send postcards. Write letters. Make Jello. Get a kiddie pool. Appreciate the hammock. Body surf. Find beach glass. Get ear pierced again. Smell the grass. Bake cookies, cakes, and other assorted baked goods. Firefly with Matt. Catch butterflies. Get over band. Program computers. Hang out with everyone I promised, especially Poofy. Drive. Admire thunderstorms. Jump in puddles. Don't be so scared to jump.** If confronted with it, jump off a high dive. Make wishes. Make love? Discuss philosophy and politics. Read Wiki. Find a "signature scent." Play "Best Day/Worst Day" with Molly and company. Inquire as where to get a fake ID. Finance my pranks. Devise better pranks. Get over Dave. Talk back. Graffiti. Sleep tight. Feel better about the Jimmy situation.
* Ongoing
** Metaphorically as well
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Recently
I went to one of Hetty's battle practices today. I had a lot of fun and got to see Dan who I haven't seen since prom for a total of two minutes.
I got creeped on and hit on in a creepy way. The second was flattering.
I was talking to Christian via Facebook chat about my status "...is frustrated with her clitoris," and he determined it is time to get me "layed." That was preceeded by me sharing all of my deepest darkest past that I sorta thought he knew, but he thought I fucked Dave, so apparently not, but whatever, because I told him the straight shimmy, but anway, THAT was followed by him realizing that the solution is to get Dave to fuck me, and then me Facebook chatting Dave, opening with the lines,
Hey
I gotta question
Do you want to fuck?
He said "uh" "not really" "I appreciate the bluntness though i really do"
The rest of the conversation was significantly less awkward, though by then my adrenaline was crashing and I wanted to go to bed. It was scarier than riding the roller coasters I hate. I made Christian psyche me out and I listened to Gonna Fly Now in my head before the chat. Also, I am scared and embarrassed to be near Dave in real life, so that wouldn't have worked, even if I really want it to.
Jeff and I visited Viv tonight. I missed her sooooooo much. She is hilarious and silly and we are probably going to see 500 Days of Summer this week and go tubing. Yo, e'rybody, tubing on Tuesday?
Jeff and I sorta kinda have a thing where we care deeply about each other as friends, but also sorta kinda romantically? But I don't want it to be secret because there's nothing there and not going to be anything and I feel really subversive about it and had a nightmare where I couldn't explain to Gina.
In the birthday present Abby got me, Wreck this Journal, there is a page for criticism. I wrote down one bad thought about everybody. Except Molly, apparently, because there's absolutely nothing I dislike about her except I don't see her all the time. Oh, and we didn't go to California. Take that, hoebag.
I kinda wish my stereotype was slut, rather than dork or nerd, which I assume it currently is. Unfortunately, I think even if I slept around, that it would hard for my good image to be tarnished unless I somehow convinced the nerds to sleep with me too.
Even after every talent and gift I have, I still wish I could sing.
"We are just kings on a chessboard painted pink and blue..."
I don't want to be in a relationship with Matt, I simply don't have the romantic feelings. But, I still want to spend a large portion of my time with him and am, to a reasonable degree, jealous of Brianna because their time together is not sparce and awkward.
I should be playing guitar or mandolin, right now.
You bitches should post things, so I can read things. Or we should just all hang out so you guys have stuff to write about.
I miss Hannah's blog. (But band camp is starting soon!)
I am excited for band camp and being a section leader (but mostly only the title and having a freshman buddy for the second).
10 months without an orgasm.
Uh... yeah. I'll probably hang out with Fava sometime after he gets back from wherever he is, even though I had two other offers to fix the previous problem.
I got creeped on and hit on in a creepy way. The second was flattering.
I was talking to Christian via Facebook chat about my status "...is frustrated with her clitoris," and he determined it is time to get me "layed." That was preceeded by me sharing all of my deepest darkest past that I sorta thought he knew, but he thought I fucked Dave, so apparently not, but whatever, because I told him the straight shimmy, but anway, THAT was followed by him realizing that the solution is to get Dave to fuck me, and then me Facebook chatting Dave, opening with the lines,
Hey
I gotta question
Do you want to fuck?
He said "uh" "not really" "I appreciate the bluntness though i really do"
The rest of the conversation was significantly less awkward, though by then my adrenaline was crashing and I wanted to go to bed. It was scarier than riding the roller coasters I hate. I made Christian psyche me out and I listened to Gonna Fly Now in my head before the chat. Also, I am scared and embarrassed to be near Dave in real life, so that wouldn't have worked, even if I really want it to.
Jeff and I visited Viv tonight. I missed her sooooooo much. She is hilarious and silly and we are probably going to see 500 Days of Summer this week and go tubing. Yo, e'rybody, tubing on Tuesday?
Jeff and I sorta kinda have a thing where we care deeply about each other as friends, but also sorta kinda romantically? But I don't want it to be secret because there's nothing there and not going to be anything and I feel really subversive about it and had a nightmare where I couldn't explain to Gina.
In the birthday present Abby got me, Wreck this Journal, there is a page for criticism. I wrote down one bad thought about everybody. Except Molly, apparently, because there's absolutely nothing I dislike about her except I don't see her all the time. Oh, and we didn't go to California. Take that, hoebag.
I kinda wish my stereotype was slut, rather than dork or nerd, which I assume it currently is. Unfortunately, I think even if I slept around, that it would hard for my good image to be tarnished unless I somehow convinced the nerds to sleep with me too.
Even after every talent and gift I have, I still wish I could sing.
"We are just kings on a chessboard painted pink and blue..."
I don't want to be in a relationship with Matt, I simply don't have the romantic feelings. But, I still want to spend a large portion of my time with him and am, to a reasonable degree, jealous of Brianna because their time together is not sparce and awkward.
I should be playing guitar or mandolin, right now.
You bitches should post things, so I can read things. Or we should just all hang out so you guys have stuff to write about.
I miss Hannah's blog. (But band camp is starting soon!)
I am excited for band camp and being a section leader (but mostly only the title and having a freshman buddy for the second).
10 months without an orgasm.
Uh... yeah. I'll probably hang out with Fava sometime after he gets back from wherever he is, even though I had two other offers to fix the previous problem.
Saturday, August 8, 2009
The Anonymity of the City
Jeff and some of his friends from PSU experienced First Friday in Philly last night. There was art and performance art and Jewish art and feeling the thrill of crossing streets and watching diners. I went to LOVE park, saw the Oldenburg clothespin, and the Liberty Bell.
I can't wait to leave here and be somewhere new.
I can't wait to leave here and be somewhere new.
Thursday, August 6, 2009
*Sing*
When I say "it's not fair," I mean it's not fair to other people.
I got the 'good' side of unfair.
I feel like I don't have any girls to talk to.
Also, that that is mostly my fault.
There are some couples I should refer to as:
"See No Evil" and "Smell No Evil."
I used to collect books of fairy tales and horror stories.
There are dried tear drops on this desk I refuse to wipe away.
I miss singing this with Katie.
Until I post this, there will be 300 posts in this blog and 100 in my secret blog.
I got the 'good' side of unfair.
[I feel pretty]
I feel like I don't have any girls to talk to.
Also, that that is mostly my fault.
[Oh, so pretty]
There are some couples I should refer to as:
"See No Evil" and "Smell No Evil."
[I feel pretty]
I used to collect books of fairy tales and horror stories.
[(and witty and bright)]
There are dried tear drops on this desk I refuse to wipe away.
[and I pity any girl]
I miss singing this with Katie.
[who isn't me]
Until I post this, there will be 300 posts in this blog and 100 in my secret blog.
[tonight.]
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Monday, August 3, 2009
August 3rd
What can anyone say to make it hurt less, but the memories strong?
I'm so sorry that we're all just children who can't do anything to help.
I'm so sorry that we're all just children who can't do anything to help.
Sunday, August 2, 2009
Elton John & Billy Joel: Face 2 Face
Thursday, Matt, Mr. and Mrs. G., Jackie, Tom H., and I gathered at Matt's to set off for Citizen's Bank Park to tailgate, and eventually, see the two greatest pop piano players in history. While packing for the parking lot experience, I found and appropriated a pogo stick for the wait. We managed to arrive just as a new parking lot was opened, so we got to chill upon the grass of a median. My first attempts at pogosticking resulted in a top score of 3 hops. Tom and Mr. G both tied at 4. We discussed college, the artists at hand, and Matt took a picture of me with my hand on a beer (black mail!). My mom called and, despite my best reasoning, assumed that I was just there with a bunch of kids. Nearing 7 o'clock, we began the trek from our parking spot to the stadium. Tom and Matt both snuck in water bottles, because the security patted their middle section, but not their lowest cargo pockets. Oh well. It was sorta around this time I found out that our seats were on the field. I was stunned and delighted.
There were numerous antics from the fans around us. There was a fabulous man two rows ahead of us with a tongue piercing. There were two old guys cracking jokes with Tom all night. Behind us was a short, irritable woman who screamed at us to "sit the fuck down," even though every single row ahead of us was standing up... To our left, in section 108, there was a man in yellow in the very first row who very animatedly sang every Elton John song, sometimes to his miserable girlfriend. He was hilarious.
I think Billly Joel came out first, but I'm not entirely sure. The entire stadium erupted into cheers. Elton John came out, they bowed, hugged, sat down at pianos, and began playing Face2Face. I have no idea what order the songs were played in. Joel and John played together for maybe five or six songs, then Elton John took the stage solo. His guitarist had a new guitar for every song and a fan inexplicably always blowing his long, scraggly hair like in a Bollywood movie. Rocket Man was, by far, the longest song of the night. His jacket has a sequinned genie/waitress on it, his red, frameless glasses were bedazzled with real diamonds to spell "EJ," and his silver platform shoes had little colorful stars on them. He is quite the showman.
Billy Joel, on the other hand, is a dirty old man. He flexed, took off his jacket, swayed his pelvis, and was possibly the teeniest bit drunk. At one point, he shouted, this next song I'm going to play... doesn't mean shit... it's like... Louie Louie (which made me think of the shrimp). He started the intro to Hound Dog by Elvis Presley, but then started We Didn't Start the Fire. Because it was an extravagent concert, there were visuals flashing overhead to coincide with the lyrics of that particular song. On the line, "England's got a new queen..." they showed Elton John. Maybe halfway through his set, Billy Joel brought out one of his roadies from Chester to "sing a religious song." This old guy, very closely resembling Fat John of the high school's janitors, proceeded to sing "Highway to Hell" rather fantastically. Some of the old people around us who had not paid money to hear AC/DC sat down.
Elton John and Billy Joel came back together to sing. Elton had changed his jacket into one depicting him "Rocket Man," with all manner of glittery shooting stars. They played through some of their bigger hits, ending with Piano Man. During what should've been the last chorus, they stopped singing, and the whole stadium carried it out (mostly in tune!). Getting out of the stadium was a little troublesome, but we were in high spirits and not too eager to face the parking lot traffic. It was an utterly fantastic night. I got home before midnight too, which was nice.
Tom and I sang through most of the songs, Matt through a few.
There were numerous antics from the fans around us. There was a fabulous man two rows ahead of us with a tongue piercing. There were two old guys cracking jokes with Tom all night. Behind us was a short, irritable woman who screamed at us to "sit the fuck down," even though every single row ahead of us was standing up... To our left, in section 108, there was a man in yellow in the very first row who very animatedly sang every Elton John song, sometimes to his miserable girlfriend. He was hilarious.
I think Billly Joel came out first, but I'm not entirely sure. The entire stadium erupted into cheers. Elton John came out, they bowed, hugged, sat down at pianos, and began playing Face2Face. I have no idea what order the songs were played in. Joel and John played together for maybe five or six songs, then Elton John took the stage solo. His guitarist had a new guitar for every song and a fan inexplicably always blowing his long, scraggly hair like in a Bollywood movie. Rocket Man was, by far, the longest song of the night. His jacket has a sequinned genie/waitress on it, his red, frameless glasses were bedazzled with real diamonds to spell "EJ," and his silver platform shoes had little colorful stars on them. He is quite the showman.
Billy Joel, on the other hand, is a dirty old man. He flexed, took off his jacket, swayed his pelvis, and was possibly the teeniest bit drunk. At one point, he shouted, this next song I'm going to play... doesn't mean shit... it's like... Louie Louie (which made me think of the shrimp). He started the intro to Hound Dog by Elvis Presley, but then started We Didn't Start the Fire. Because it was an extravagent concert, there were visuals flashing overhead to coincide with the lyrics of that particular song. On the line, "England's got a new queen..." they showed Elton John. Maybe halfway through his set, Billy Joel brought out one of his roadies from Chester to "sing a religious song." This old guy, very closely resembling Fat John of the high school's janitors, proceeded to sing "Highway to Hell" rather fantastically. Some of the old people around us who had not paid money to hear AC/DC sat down.
Elton John and Billy Joel came back together to sing. Elton had changed his jacket into one depicting him "Rocket Man," with all manner of glittery shooting stars. They played through some of their bigger hits, ending with Piano Man. During what should've been the last chorus, they stopped singing, and the whole stadium carried it out (mostly in tune!). Getting out of the stadium was a little troublesome, but we were in high spirits and not too eager to face the parking lot traffic. It was an utterly fantastic night. I got home before midnight too, which was nice.
Tom and I sang through most of the songs, Matt through a few.
Friday, July 31, 2009
Other Stuff
Pretty girls aren't allowed to say "Women should be comfortable with their bodies."
I miss hangin' out with Katie and Molly and Gina and Trisha (not at the same time).
Wednesday, I realized I have to "dress up" from my usual self to go shopping or I feel physically uncomfortable.
Clothes shopping makes me feel uncomfortable to some degree anyway.
I think the above is probably a bad thing, but it won't be a problem with credit cards.
I spent $10 for 9 pairs of earrings, $7 on a shirt, and $15 on my first new bra and underwear since last September.
That is more money that I have spent on clothes and jewelry for myself in the whole year since my $50 back to school shopping budget (not including Goodwill, gifts, and hand-me downs).
I have 5 ear piercings.
I don't think it's fair that Matt and I haven't been able to hang out one on one in damn near forever.
I know we're trying to resolve that, but it still sucks.
I think I own his old pogo stick now, but I left in their car after the concert.
I pogo'd 13 times in a row in the parking lot while tailgating.
I don't know how many I have to do in order to fulfill my pogo stick resolution.
I keep filling in Mrs. G on the latest gossip.
I knew mentioning Nick was not a good move, having already dated Dave.
Then, I had a lighter at the concert, specifically for concert waving though.
The Billy Joel/Elton John concert was absolutely phenomenal.
I'll write a full post about it.
There were 3 other GV kids I'm aware of who went independently of us.
I've been getting into really crazy music recently (by my former standards) .
It's awesome.
I've been downloading the complete Modest Mouse discography for 4 days.
I have felt simply alluring since going down the beach.
Although, I have been complimented to an outrageous degree.
(Not that I don't enjoy it...)
I know it's my blog and my whiny emo feelings are supposed to be the focus, but I use the word "I" too much, especially starting sentences.
Hangin' with Jeff later today. Mambo Weekend. Keith's band, Sunday. Nick, Monday. Party Tuesday. Party Wednesday. Brain stops. Future does not exist.
I cannot express how grateful I am to have gotten to know Molly, Stasi, Emily, and Nick, both for how amazing my life is because of them and enjoying the actual act of getting to know someone.
Also, new perspectives on old faces are incredibly interesting.
Next year, I would enjoy fluctuating between normal me, fancy days, sexy days, and themed weeks.
On August 9th, I will not have had an orgasm for 10 months.
I'm pretty sure it won't go that far.
WILL SMITH IS A THEIF (and I had no idea)!
(Sure, it's "sampling," something I entirely support, but still.)
I missed ultrafine black Sharpies.
Nobody but me has posted a blog in the last week.
I know Katie's down the beach, but it makes me self conscious.
I miss hangin' out with Katie and Molly and Gina and Trisha (not at the same time).
Wednesday, I realized I have to "dress up" from my usual self to go shopping or I feel physically uncomfortable.
Clothes shopping makes me feel uncomfortable to some degree anyway.
I think the above is probably a bad thing, but it won't be a problem with credit cards.
I spent $10 for 9 pairs of earrings, $7 on a shirt, and $15 on my first new bra and underwear since last September.
That is more money that I have spent on clothes and jewelry for myself in the whole year since my $50 back to school shopping budget (not including Goodwill, gifts, and hand-me downs).
I have 5 ear piercings.
I don't think it's fair that Matt and I haven't been able to hang out one on one in damn near forever.
I know we're trying to resolve that, but it still sucks.
I think I own his old pogo stick now, but I left in their car after the concert.
I pogo'd 13 times in a row in the parking lot while tailgating.
I don't know how many I have to do in order to fulfill my pogo stick resolution.
I keep filling in Mrs. G on the latest gossip.
I knew mentioning Nick was not a good move, having already dated Dave.
Then, I had a lighter at the concert, specifically for concert waving though.
The Billy Joel/Elton John concert was absolutely phenomenal.
I'll write a full post about it.
There were 3 other GV kids I'm aware of who went independently of us.
I've been getting into really crazy music recently (by my former standards) .
It's awesome.
I've been downloading the complete Modest Mouse discography for 4 days.
I have felt simply alluring since going down the beach.
Although, I have been complimented to an outrageous degree.
(Not that I don't enjoy it...)
I know it's my blog and my whiny emo feelings are supposed to be the focus, but I use the word "I" too much, especially starting sentences.
Hangin' with Jeff later today. Mambo Weekend. Keith's band, Sunday. Nick, Monday. Party Tuesday. Party Wednesday. Brain stops. Future does not exist.
I cannot express how grateful I am to have gotten to know Molly, Stasi, Emily, and Nick, both for how amazing my life is because of them and enjoying the actual act of getting to know someone.
Also, new perspectives on old faces are incredibly interesting.
Next year, I would enjoy fluctuating between normal me, fancy days, sexy days, and themed weeks.
On August 9th, I will not have had an orgasm for 10 months.
I'm pretty sure it won't go that far.
WILL SMITH IS A THEIF (and I had no idea)!
(Sure, it's "sampling," something I entirely support, but still.)
I missed ultrafine black Sharpies.
Nobody but me has posted a blog in the last week.
I know Katie's down the beach, but it makes me self conscious.
Horny Fucking Teenager
I'm tired of waiting, being rational, and a tiny bit jealous that I will not give my virginity to a virgin. Of course, I understand. The most logical part of me says, "There is no especially significant difference between 1 & 2. It should be the decision to have to sex that should be respected and appreciated, not which time it is." This applies not just to my choice to have sex, but whatever partners I choose. I made a list of pros and cons factoring in numerous variables on whether or not to have sex. It's getting harder and harder to rationalize waiting when immensely pleasurable options keep presenting themselves. In the terms of How We Decide, I will react to a dopamine release in anticipation of immediate gratification rather than processing the decision with my frontal cortex. However, one of very many variables is that I realize that I am "not in my normal state" after the breakup with Jimmy, even if I don't consciously feel it. Frankly, nothing much has been normal, and I'm having fun in the chaos.
Aside spawned by that last line: For those I haven't talked to in a while: I have slowly and not accidentally moved away from the group, with a little bit of pushing. I understand my cause of the distance, and I'll come back. Right now, however, I'm very much enjoying the change of scenery.
Clarification of Aside: Above does not apply to Trisha, who I miss.
Aside spawned by that last line: For those I haven't talked to in a while: I have slowly and not accidentally moved away from the group, with a little bit of pushing. I understand my cause of the distance, and I'll come back. Right now, however, I'm very much enjoying the change of scenery.
Clarification of Aside: Above does not apply to Trisha, who I miss.
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Excellent Afternoon
Today, Jeff picked me up around 1:30 to go to a bakery where Dana K. works in Bryn Mawr. It's called the Corner Bakery, and we found it will some terrible directions from both Dana and the GPS. However, upon arriving, Jeff got a very delicious brownie, I, root beer, and Dana an M&M cookie. Eventually, Jeff moved on to try their french toast, which was more like a slightly solid pudding of sugar and yummy. Dana had promised her friend she'd visit at the thrift store where she worked, and so we journeyed thus forth. I got a book of fairy tales by Tolstoy, and Jeff got two books of puzzles from NPR's puzzle master, Will Shortz. Leaving the thrift store, we went into an art store, where I stared amazedly and picked up two new ultrafine black Sharpies. Then we left to sit on a bench and complete a few of the puzzles. Jeff then drove Dana to her doctor's appointment, again, after many terrible directions. Jeff and I drove back, talking about people, the future, and the way of things. It was an excellent afternoon.
Unimaginable Morning
Emily U. and I had a most excellent sleepover Sunday into Monday. Smores, Mac n' Cheese, and popcorn preceded my first viewing of The Breakfast Club. Of course, as girls, myself as one who had been out of the loop for a week, gossiped. Unfortunately, I could feel a cold sore coming on and realized that I could not be salacious for a while. This wouldn't matter, except I was supposed to hang out with Nick F. any time after noon. I told him we couldn't be naughty because of my cold sore and asked if he even knew where I lived, but no response. From 2-4 I wandered around GV, consistently changing my destination and begrudging the abominable heat. After I got home at 4 with no response from Nick, I text'd him to ask if he had canceled on account of lip herpes. After a shower to clean off the gunk from walking outside for two hours, I took a nap. I was awoken by a text message from Nick at 6. He had just gotten up, as the Kites had band practice from 8PM to 6AM. We talked about rescheduling. Tuesday, I had reserved for hanging out with Jeff. Wednesday, we were going to Dorney. Thursday, was the Elton John/Billy Joel concert. Friday, Nick had a Dreamtheatre concert. I was at my mom's over the weekend. We elected to sneak out.
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He picked me up in the parking lot of the sale, already high and talking nonstop over a great selection of Queen and the Police. We smoked when we got to our destination, then began walking and talking. It was great conversation straight through the night. Sometimes I would play "don't fall off the curb" or "only take two steps in between the sidewalk lines." At one point, we were chillin' by a lake and there were bullfrogs making a tremendous racket. Some were great maestros of bass, and others with much higher pitched silly sounds. While we were sitting on a hill, the very distant shine of headlights began illuminating the street in front of us, so we jumped up to hide on the edge of the tree line. It wasn't a cop. There were very many sexually tense moments, but we only touched accidentally bumping into each other. He had to be home by 5, so at 3:30 we went to his car to listen to music. It was an absolutely incredible selection from the Police, Deep Purple, Queen, Vanilla Fudge, and then "the CD of cheese." This CD consisted of such cheesy hits as "Never Gonna Give You Up," "Pour Some Sugar On Me," and "I'm So in Love with You." During the last one, we both began singing it jokingly, but then belted it out. For 4 straight seconds, we were in great harmony and it was the most ridiculous sing along I have ever participated in. I tried looking out the sun roof for stars, so Nick tried to catch what I was looking at. He saw the reflection of the glass that let him look down my shirt. He dropped me off at the firehouse and we hugged and texted some afterwards. It was a fantastical morning. Every 20 minutes or so, I would think, "I can't believe this is really happening. This is what I meant to make a New Year's Resolution 'Make Interesting Choices.'"
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